Bring the Boys Back Home

So it’s been five weeks since we had our last shot in the arm from the good drug Everton. It’s not too bad as we have the methadone of the World Cup to tie us through the summer but in the spirit of Zammo I’ll swerve the, frankly poor, drug analogies.

Just seen that red card for Pepe there, the beaut. Anyone onto the fact that he looks like Willie who murdered Sam (Swayze) in Ghost? Get off the field Soul Glo lad, you’ve been a blert.

Such are the thrills/spills occupying your days right now.

Not occupying your days right now are credible Everton stories hence the media having a severe case of A.D.D. in trying to push stories that have no basis in reality. Our esteemed Catalan leader has already made it clear that it’s unlikely any business will be done before the World Cup ends, and possibly even later than that – which is standard Everton. We sign our players as late as we release our kits.

This however doesn’t provide the media with the numerous clicks on their sites to feed their advertising revenues/egos.

Considering that until recent days British journalism had an expansive reputation (we know contrary mind) around the world as being fair, just and balanced – it would be interesting for someone to take note of all the transfer links claimed by the big media outlets and hold them accountable at the end of it. A media truth cup per se. I want to buy a paper or click on the site of whoever is the most reliable so shouldn’t be so hard to do.

Hence why there’s no point in going over all these fresh names that excite the nerds that are far too deep into Champ Manager or FIFA. Or make a tit out of themselves in the pub by pronouncing the names correctly of the foreign players. Yagiyelka. Yeah, sound.

It’s going to be a massive summer for St Domingo’s lids as some key loan players have moved on leaving some gaps to be filled. Not as drastic as that media would have you believe mind, we do have lots of players on the book who are boss players. We actually own them, fancy that?

Deulofeu’s impact was felt mostly off the bench so shouldn’t be too hard to replace. Despite him being dead fast and having the facial aesthetics of a sixty two year old he was a little inconsistent/injured to make him indispensable.

Lukaku and Barry are two different stories altogether and if there’s any chance of signing them then we need to get involved.

Barry had an excellent season, more so when you remember how important Gibson was to Everton and that in Barry coming in we seldom longed for Gibson in our midfield last season. It’s hard to put a value on a top class midfielder like that, which holds it all together – as England found out against Italy the other night. Sure he is getting on a bit but if we get two good seasons out of him then not only will we be better for it but his influence on younger players, even McCarthy, will be soundly invested. He’s Everton him.

Lukaku goal’s will be the biggest obstacle to replace. As any young player he did have his moments of poor form but he should turn into one sexy top centre forward. Think back to many of his goals being key in turning the game around or even winning the points. And he will keep getting better.

I’m literally the least ITK person on the Internet but I struggle to see him signing full time. He’s brilliant and knows he is, there’s credible links to Champions League teams like Juventus and Atletico Madrid and he’s about to showcase his skills in a World Cup as the man leading the line for a very talented Belgian team. Imagine that? Would you rather be looking forward to midweek games against the best of what the continent had to offer (and Liverpool too) or getting ready to star on a Channel 5 on a Thursday night away to Gornik Zabre? Go head Bob.

The hulking Purple Aki stunt double will either be bitten by the bug big time at Goodison – and please God be so – or Chelsea will want to palm him off on loan again for a season or lower their expectations of a fee from us paupers.

Never mind the seven players or so Martinez states we need to compete on a few levels next season. On saying that I’m sure it feels great to be a talented young lad coming through the ranks at Everton now, knowing that you’ll be given a chance to shine and get a foothold in the team. On the same topic it will be interesting to see who replaces Alan Irvine as the Director of that particular part of the club. There was no love lost with him and Sheedy apparently if you’re looking for cup half fulls here. And Martinez well knew that Ferrigno eyebrowed Irvine was straight on the landline to Moyes each night gossiping about the Spaniard being inferior to his best mate. “…you would have been laughing today David, he told Seamus to forget tracking back and push on, he even put him into the shooting pool after training! Should have seen the face on Hibbert..”

To rush in from the pavilion end and hurl a spinning cliché at you – our biggest signing of the summer has probably been completed. Those in charge of Everton have seen enough of Martinez to know he needs a pay rise and to be locked in to the club as tight as he can be.

It’s not just the positive attitude permeating around the club or the ace football or the boss game changing subs or seductive dark eyes but the fact that he seems to get Everton. There’s a plethora of gobshitery throughout of the game and that infection extends to too many club managers. In fact, thinking on, most of them.

It’s important to win stuff – and heaven knows it’s been far too long – but it’s also important to go about it in the right way. Slam any texan foolish enough to share the pitch with us but don’t make us cringe when a camera is focused on you and a microphone popped under your mouth. Don’t count on your thumbs either please or continually try to align yourself with one of our best ever managers. Just be you, and don’t be a tit.

These are days when the wind of change blows fast across lots of aspects of your life. You’d be happily sat down in territories unknown watching a game on a colour portable for the 2006 World Cup and merely eight years later you’d be openly buzzed off by a child watching it in super HD on an iPad or tablet the same size and weight as a massive piece of bread. Football likewise is changing, for better or often worse, at a similar pace.

With Martinez managing Everton we are at least stand a chance. And hopefully he’ll get the finances an Everton manager such as him deserves before the end of that contract.

So as nice as it is to have Everton thoughts and general optimism for the forthcoming season it’s very pleasant to have a World Cup that genuinely excites on offer daily at the moment.

No vuvuzelas, no lousy flyaway ball, just boss exotic international teams going at each other with their boss players doing all sorts of naughty to the other’s defence. The backdrop of Brazil and Latin girls with boss taegs in tight tops gives you an aromatic soup of togger viewing that should keep you glued until our new kits is out and you’re eyeing wearing shorts at some of our planned pre season friendlies.

As usual there’s the tug of war between pro England and anti England but who’s really arsed anyway? If a sound England wants to play good footie and be part of it then good luck to them. The problem for them is that you watch teams like Germany and see what England wish they could be but probably could never be.

I was watching Bosnia and thinking that they’d probably turn England over with their ace footie and tight game. That’s about England’s level.

Get onto the likes of Gerrard getting made to look sub standard against the bearded brilliance of Pirlo though. Or Rooney fighting cravings of a halftime/post match bifter. That’s your world-class right there like. World, hold on.

It will be mulled over inevitably when they are dumped out and as usual the mid life crisis tits paid to give opinion will place it as a “grassroots” problem at the the heart of game in their country. But it’s deep man, far deeper than that. So deep I don’t know why but at least I don’t pretend that I do.

And then Adrian Chiles doing his best impression of someone from Last Of The Summer Wine who won the lottery opens his mouth and you’re sedated by the refined #banter on offer. Press red for Dolby 7.1. Surround Sound. He’s the type who’d complain and get you suspended for punching him in the arm just one hour after his booster. Serves him right for wearing Hush Puppies too.

Amusing to see Baines being the initial scapegoat by being given the customary support on the left side that he must be used to for his national team. Just highlights some key reasons why many swerve them – clueless reactionary biffs from nondescript ‘market towns’ in the vast civic nothingness of the country and the narration provided by truly cringe worthy teds acting as pundits. Is this too hard to solve? There sadly exists a cultural vacuum in the country allowing the dickhead gene to prevail. And it’s maybe too far gone.

I hope the nation can hold itself accountable for a better standard of media – perhaps the damage done by the likes of Murdoch can be at least curtailed if not reversed. I’d gain credible knowledge from Bild as I would from half of what I read or watch from the UK, and I don’t even understand German.

Der mejia.

Half of the world seems to be on bad beak at the moment though with the amount of international snarling/acts of atrocities being committed. Maybe dwelling in one of them nondescript market towns isn’t so bad after all? Whilst it may be a hotbed for two celled empowered UKIP voters it’s hardly as if you’re sat twitching the curtains for some insurgents to come and wipe out you or your family or annex your land, or kidnap all your females. Mad stuff. Someone needs to come in and pipe the world down a little.

Oh great, that ace Germany we were talking about have just brought on that lad who played for us and got jibbed off for free to Sampdoria. It’s not quite Paul Pogba just yet but if only Martinez had rocked up a few years earlier.

Lots of pointless words and whinging so it’s only right to leave on a high.

Adidas are committed to re-releasing all their ZX range, which is no bad thing for your feet in a summer. Speaking of which summer time is here and with it releases the filth enzyme in womenfolk (apologies for any reading this but then on the other hand – well in) resulting in fashions getting skimpier and pleasing for some people watching.

And how boss are Ross Barkley and John Stones going to be for us next season? Don’t you dare try and take the ball of us you melts. It’s ours.

Has anyone got any decent new albums to recommend so I can try and snide them from the dark side of the Internet? If they’re born within fifty miles of Liverpool then I’ll pay for it out of principle, but not with Bitcoin.

And that’s it really.