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He's Cringe Master-in-Chief.

Despite the great result last night, and the 99.9% certainty of not getting relegated, the situation around our finances and these 777 vultures just kills the buzz. I'm hoping a wholesome, moral, billionaire who made his billions off improving the environment and people's lives comes in with a...

Just so you’re aware, you’re dreaming. You’re asleep and the game is on later.

That was a Moyes-like performance. Strong and direct but with an almost non-existent midfield. It worked though, so many players put in a huge shift.

/thread. See you all back here next year.

I’m finally going to relax - we’re winning this. I didn’t celebrate our second goal because from experience, we could still easily have lost and losing a 2-0 lead would make it harder. But hahahahahahahahaha, get in, brilliant win, great battling performance despite a lack of composure and...

Straight ball right through the middle of our whole team from defender to striker. Nice 😬

Sky playing Klopp's greatest hits against Everton to sentimental music. Comments are just: "I enjoyed that", "That was nice". Saccharin crap.

Sounds like a quality establishment 😬

In the spirit of fully expecting a 0-3 defeat this evening, I'd be half tempted to send the players out coked-up to the eyeballs and see how they get on.

Is that the last time we beat them? I love how there’s loads of stuff going on in the crowd, coppers everywhere, jug-eared lads getting dragged out and given a good kicking for jumping the turnstiles. Where’s Wally appearing from time-to-time. And the low camera angles and grainy footage makes...

If we avoid defeat at Lewton, it would take an unprecedented set of results for us to get relegated now.

Where can one go for a pre-match straightener?

We've participated in every season of the Premier League and our finances have never been worse.

The only reaction we’ll see is an allergic one from any player who has to touch the ball. It’ll be sheer panic.

I think I'll be disappointed if they don't get relegated to be honest. The Championship will offer something different. At least that would be exciting over being an absolute bottom-of-the-barrel parasite in the corruption league.

If I owned Nottingham Forest, I’d rebrand them as Nottingham Jungle. The City Ground would be renamed The Jungle Jim, and our nickname would be The Jungle Boys or The Monkeys. The entry music would be a mashup of The Lion Sleeps Tonight x The Jungle Bus (Venga Bus) x Welcome to the Jungle...

Rallying cry 😂 There’s not enough energy left in the club and fan base to muster anything of the sort. The players aren’t arsed, and will happily go and play elsewhere. The fans are fatigued and I reckon loads are secretly craving the cathartic implosion, rather than being constantly edged.

They chose to go, no one is forcing them.

That’d actually be a great thread. Matty’s live, minute-by-minute mental situation tracker.