A coke addict of a mate

[GrandOldTeam]

Just discovered a good mate has become a cocaine addict. I spoke to him about 4 weeks ago on the phone but I haven't seen him for about 3/4 months, rare considering we are such good mates. He just became distant (i know that sounds gay and what girls normally say but its the only way i can put it). He stopped turning up for footy etc but just put that down to him starting a full time job.

Anyway, its completely out of character. Again, sounds daft because anyone can take drugs but this lad just isn't the type, I am very good at judging personalities - especially after being a close mate for 5-6 years. But having just found out his elder brother (who i was also mates with) has been sent down for murder (his mate was involved in a fight, he got involved and the person died) and for a year my mate was given the burden of it after being told, this is what I think has made him turn to drugs.

I was just about to go round and and give him a slap and tell him to get a grip but thought i'd call on some of the experienced heads on here first. Normally I wouldn't ask for advice, especially somewhere like here but due to the nature theres not many alternatives. My parents would either tell me not to get involved (drugs = stay away mentality) or they'd tell his mum who has been through so much lately, not sure thats a wise option just yet. Mates just say "hes got problems that lad" and aren't to fussed, his mum doesn't know, he doesn't know his dad...

What dya reckon lads? Wish could have same attitude as rest of my mates but if he topped himself or anything I couldn't live with myself if i adopted the 'hes got problems that lad' approach.

 

[jon_efc]

got to be very careful..

at the end of the day, their is a reason he is taking the drugs.. and thats probably to hide behind.. so trying to speak to him and get him off the drugs is going to be very very hard... as this is his new comfort blanket !!!

the best advise is to perhaps, give him your view, but dont be too heavy about it !! and then just try and stick by him and support him in every way possible and in his decisions !!!

 

[GrandOldTeam]

You just said the opposite of what I wanted to hear mate. Don't think going round and hurling abuse at him to get his life sorted will be the best therapy then.

 

[jon_efc]

i dont no... im no expert... so perhaps go with your instincts ?? u know your mate at the end of the day

one of my mates is kind of similar.. he has just started playing football in the welsh league... and everyone takes coke !!! and although he has tried it in the past etc.. he has got quite badly into it recently... he knows what i think about it... but having a go isnt going to solve anything !!!

 

[FCConnecticut]

This is harsh and full of lose-lose, Hobson's choice kind of scenario's so, for me anyway, I resort to openess and honesty. Let him know how you feel, your concerns and yet that you are there to help.

Talk to his mom, privately at first (unless you see disaster there) and consider intervention as a last option. Look around for local organizations to see what resources and advise are available. Know your options, clinics, 12 step programs, goverment programs, university research, anything. This will help you at first as you gain a sence of control and hopefully help your mate later on.

Network, good start here even if it is the internet but go to a CA, NA meeting and talk to people who have been through it.

Don't give up on him and don't ever lie for him.

 

[Latch]

At the end of the day you can tell someone that they shouldn't do this or do that, but the outcome depends on what that person decides to do for themselves, you could ask him to go for a pint with you, tell him you ain't seen him for a while, preferbly when there is a telivised footy game on, ( it would stop you asking too many questions, he would have some distraction between talking to you, stops it getting too heavy, just slip in innocent questions between talking about the game, 'How you been' ?, 'ain't seen you for a while', small talk but it might be enough for him to confide or open up a little bit, and if he does you can then take it a step further by giving him your opinion and views on things without being too judgemental ( that would just make him clam up probably ).
Such a chat might help him or maybe it wont make a bit of difference, either way, you have tried to help your mate, that's all you can do, try and help.

 

[GrandOldTeam]

Sorted a few close mates to get together in his tomorrow for the England game. Best I could come up with.

All haven't been together in over a year so hopefully its a first step.

 

[SuitsBlue]

Dan, the hard truth is that there is no getting him off it, he has to want to do it himself.

you cant chain him up and make him go cold turkey.

shouting the odds wont make any difference either, sounds like hes in a bad place and possibly hanging round with the wrong sorts - the fact it has coincided with him in full time work (= full time pay, and money to throw at luxuries) so he has chosen to get involved with hard drugs.

he might grow out of it, there arent many daniella westbrooks about, then again he might not and only be propelling himself toward meltdown.

let him know your there for him, but dont nag him cos he will only avoid you after.

 

[monty]

Dan, the hard truth is that there is no getting him off it, he has to want to do it himself.

you cant chain him up and make him go cold turkey.

shouting the odds wont make any difference either, sounds like hes in a bad place and possibly hanging round with the wrong sorts - the fact it has coincided with him in full time work (= full time pay, and money to throw at luxuries) so he has chosen to get involved with hard drugs.

he might grow out of it, there arent many daniella westbrooks about, then again he might not and only be propelling himself toward meltdown.

let him know your there for him, but dont nag him cos he will only avoid you after.

Absolutely correct Suits, spot on mate. It has to come from him, do you know how far gone he is, not that it makes that much difference with coke. How did you find out, did he tell you, did it come from a third party and are any other mates involved.

Most importantly try and find out when he first tried it and who on earth gave it to him, when asking do so with the arm over the shoulder approach.

He is yet another victim of the filthy bastrads pushing this vile [Poor language removed] in our society.:angry: :angry: :angry:

 

[GrandOldTeam]

Absolutely correct Suits, spot on mate. It has to come from him, do you know how far gone he is, not that it makes that much difference with coke. How did you find out, did he tell you, did it come from a third party and are any other mates involved.

Most importantly try and find out when he first tried it and who on earth gave it to him, when asking do so with the arm over the shoulder approach.

He is yet another victim of the filthy bastrads pushing this vile [Poor language removed] in our society.:angry: :angry: :angry:

No idea mate. Going round tomorrow so will know the score then.

He broke away from his 'proper mates' a few years back when he went co college and looks obvious hes got himself in with a few scum bags. Shame really, hes a good lad.

 

[monty]

No idea mate. Going round tomorrow so will know the score then.

He broke away from his 'proper mates' a few years back when he went co college and looks obvious hes got himself in with a few scum bags. Shame really, hes a good lad.

and still is deep down but don't trust him

 

[Chris]

Sorted a few close mates to get together in his tomorrow for the England game. Best I could come up with.

All haven't been together in over a year so hopefully its a first step.

Sounds like a perfect time for an intervention with you all round there. Hard things to go through I imagine but allegedly one of the most effective methods of getting an addict to realise what they are actually doing and to help them.

http://drugs.homeoffice.gov.uk/drug-interventions-programme/

 

[a2b chris]

dan, probably didnt have to look far to find a cokehead if hes local.

go in any bar in the townie (or anywhere else) and just watch how many times the lads(?) go the bog

seems to be rare when someone is not on it

 

[Hayee]

www.talktofrank.com
it gives you advice, as a friend, on what to do
apart from that, call the police, sounds harsh but if he gets in to trouble for it it might shock him into quitting, or force him to get help

 

[SuitsBlue]

dont talk to frank, frank is a lying toss pile.

here endeth the facts on frank.