A Joke

[Dylan]

Not the best, but it made me smile

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf.

That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer "Ask him where the ten million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and s says "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

 

[GrandOldTeam]

Quality.

 

[Dom1878]

 

[Welton Toffee]

Good stuff

 

[micknick]

Very good!

 

[TX Bill]

Great one !!

 

[TX Bill]

Ralph arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by another man. The IRS guy assumed the other man was Ralph's attorney.

Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported employment income. How do you explain that?" Ralph replied, "I love to gamble and I usually win." The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look. "I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!" Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it. The official's jaw dropped. Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The official could tell Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet. Ralph then removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The stunned official was now three grand in the hole!

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and pee into that wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again! Ralph climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much peed all over the desk. The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win!

But then he noticed that Ralph's friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking. "Are you okay?" he asked. The man replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Ralph bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"

 

[Jamo Martinez]

Good stuff

 

[Dylan]

Another.....

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'
Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

 

[Welton Toffee]

I went for a job (yeah right...) at a blacksmith's the other day.

The bloke said, "Can you shoe a horse?"

I said, "No, but I once told a donkey to [Poor language removed] off".

I'm here all week folks

 

[zero]

Ralph arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by another man. The IRS guy assumed the other man was Ralph's attorney.

Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported employment income. How do you explain that?" Ralph replied, "I love to gamble and I usually win." The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look. "I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!" Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it. The official's jaw dropped. Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The official could tell Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet. Ralph then removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The stunned official was now three grand in the hole!

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and pee into that wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again! Ralph climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much peed all over the desk. The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win!

But then he noticed that Ralph's friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking. "Are you okay?" he asked. The man replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Ralph bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"

Have you ever seen the movie Desperado?

 

[TX Bill]

No. Why?

 

[Dylan]

Because that joke was made famous by Steve Buscemi in the movie Desperado.

 

[SuitsBlue]

tarantino wasnt it?

 

[C0yle]

none the less it was hilarious, thanks tx