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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

coollino said:
Yeah she is cool, I'm not really worried about her making a scene. I just feel a bit bad for her, cos I don't want to like rub her face in it, and bad for my gf as she isn't aware. I'm not sure if I should tell her beforehand that my gf is coming, or just leave it and try and not make a big deal of it

Her boss is a good friend of mine, and my gf is friends with his partner. He is kind of having a BBQ for his birthday, but it's just work people for some reason, so I fall within work and my gf will be there to stop his partner from getting bored

As you pointed out, it's clearly just a pointless stupid cycle and it's annoying me that it's bothering me.
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hmmm. which way to go. ask the work friend not to mention anything about the 'sounding out' or tell the boss (your boss, not the works boss) about it but very late in the day on the cusp of a meet. I can see why this cloud won't evaporate. Feign appendicitis or hope for the best? I know neither woman so can't judge what they'd find funny dropping into conversation. I'm trying not to make jokes here, it's almost the setup to one of those 80's high school sitcom things where the confident son has managed to invite two dates to the spring dance.
You'll figure it out. Worst case scenario is it comes to conversation and it's a small matter of work lady didn't know you were happily in a relationship. Happens everyday.
 
Rita_Poon said:
hmmm. which way to go. ask the work friend not to mention anything about the 'sounding out' or tell the boss (your boss, not the works boss) about it but very late in the day on the cusp of a meet. I can see why this cloud won't evaporate. Feign appendicitis or hope for the best? I know neither woman so can't judge what they'd find funny dropping into conversation. I'm trying not to make jokes here, it's almost the setup to one of those 80's high school sitcom things where the confident son has managed to invite two dates to the spring dance.
You'll figure it out. Worst case scenario is it comes to conversation and it's a small matter of work lady didn't know you were happily in a relationship. Happens everyday.
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Definitely going to go and hope for best I think, I'm hoping it will just be completely normal and will just end it all for me. As you said, what happened isn't even that crazy/fair normal and that's what it's annoying me that it has gotten to me that much. Being in a long-term relationship, we've both had things like this before and easily brushed it off

I've been more stressed than ever, really, over the last few months and I do think the stress has let this come in more than it usually would. When it happened, I didn't really care at the time but I guess since I have seen it as a (ridiculous) escape from everything that has started to get worse, after it got better

Ha, 6 months ago it might have been sitcom like that but now I'm just a stressed mess most of the time. It's doing my head in
 
coollino said:
Definitely going to go and hope for best I think, I'm hoping it will just be completely normal and will just end it all for me. As you said, what happened isn't even that crazy/fair normal and that's what it's annoying me that it has gotten to me that much. Being in a long-term relationship, we've both had things like this before and easily brushed it off

I've been more stressed than ever, really, over the last few months and I do think the stress has let this come in more than it usually would. When it happened, I didn't really care at the time but I guess since I have seen it as a (ridiculous) escape from everything that has started to get worse, after it got better

Ha, 6 months ago it might have been sitcom like that but now I'm just a stressed mess most of the time. It's doing my head in
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Whatever you do, don`t speed drink to try and cope with the perceived stress of the situation, as from my own personal experiences, this doesn`t normally end well !
 
coollino said:
Yeah she is cool, I'm not really worried about her making a scene. I just feel a bit bad for her, cos I don't want to like rub her face in it, and bad for my gf as she isn't aware. I'm not sure if I should tell her beforehand that my gf is coming, or just leave it and try and not make a big deal of it

Her boss is a good friend of mine, and my gf is friends with his partner. He is kind of having a BBQ for his birthday, but it's just work people for some reason, so I fall within work and my gf will be there to stop his partner from getting bored

As you pointed out, it's clearly just a pointless stupid cycle and it's annoying me that it's bothering me.
Click to expand...
Is the work lady aware that your gf is friends with your bosses partner? If so, she has probably guessed that your gf will be there and is fine with the situation. Go and have a lovely evening, @COYBL25’s good advice re the drinking though. Best wishes.💙
 

Gwladysover said:
Is the work lady aware that your gf is friends with your bosses partner? If so, she has probably guessed that your gf will be there and is fine with the situation. Go and have a lovely evening, @COYBL25’s good advice re the drinking though. Best wishes.💙
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I'm not sure really, 50/50 maybe mate/her boss doesn't know anything about it so it's possible he'll mention her and I are going, but also may not.

I think I'm going to let her know tho, I think if the situation was the other way around I'd appreciate being told just to stop the shock etc. she has done nothing wrong in the whole thing really, which is probably making me stress more as I feel even more bad
 
coollino said:
I'm not sure really, 50/50 maybe mate/her boss doesn't know anything about it so it's possible he'll mention her and I are going, but also may not.

I think I'm going to let her know tho, I think if the situation was the other way around I'd appreciate being told just to stop the shock etc. she has done nothing wrong in the whole thing really, which is probably making me stress more as I feel even more bad
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Will your missus honestly even care if you told her? Girl hits on guy she didn't know was taken - hardly anything bad is it. There might be that many people there you can just avoid it the whole time.
 
Nymzee said:
Will your missus honestly even care if you told her? Girl hits on guy she didn't know was taken - hardly anything bad is it. There might be that many people there you can just avoid it the whole time.
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Probably not, we're not the jealous type really. We've never even had an argument about someone looking at someone/chatting to the other sex if we went out etc. and I know plenty of normal couples that have had issues with that

My only reason I haven't really mentioned it is because it's someone I work with, which may make a difference and that she looks quite a lot like my gf, if she was from Romania as opposed to Portugal. We know enough people who have split through work things in one way or another. I think a lot of the stress is in my head tbh, and I've probably made it a bigger deal than I expected so if I told her the basics it might be fine and a decent amount of the stress would go

Might just speak to them both this week
 
coollino said:
Probably not, we're not the jealous type really. We've never even had an argument about someone looking at someone/chatting to the other sex if we went out etc. and I know plenty of normal couples that have had issues with that

My only reason I haven't really mentioned it is because it's someone I work with, which may make a difference and that she looks quite a lot like my gf, if she was from Romania as opposed to Portugal. We know enough people who have split through work things in one way or another. I think a lot of the stress is in my head tbh, and I've probably made it a bigger deal than I expected so if I told her the basics it might be fine and a decent amount of the stress would go

Might just speak to them both this week
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What's the deal with the work girl right now? Is she seeing someone? If so, kinda fixes it all.
 
Nymzee said:
What's the deal with the work girl right now? Is she seeing someone? If so, kinda fixes it all.
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It's ok, sometimes completely fine, sometimes awkward, sometimes awkward and then I get a message on Teams saying sorry for being awkward, sometimes just nothing. I'd rather it just be consistent one way or another, but it's up to her really

I've no idea, but I don't think so. She told me she tries to keep her private life and work life separate, obviously that might have changed there if I was single, so I don't really ask things like that unless she tells me. Same with me, I try and keep them completely separate too, obviously might have backfired a bit
 

coollino said:
I'm not sure really, 50/50 maybe mate/her boss doesn't know anything about it so it's possible he'll mention her and I are going, but also may not.

I think I'm going to let her know tho, I think if the situation was the other way around I'd appreciate being told just to stop the shock etc. she has done nothing wrong in the whole thing really, which is probably making me stress more as I feel even more bad
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As you say may be best just to mention your gf will be there, she may tell you she already knows, which will resolve that particular situation and if she doesn’t she may appreciate being forewarned.
 
My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.
 
Bungle said:
My 21 year relationship came crashing down about 2 weeks ago, I've had a variety of emotions, thought I'd just top myself and be done with it at first, then thought I might move away to where most of my family now are, but that'd mean being 4 hours away from the kids so can't do that.

I'm a bit lost if I'm honest, it's not what i expected or wanted but seemingly she appears to have switched off all feelings and gone into this weird 'let's be grown up and all overly friendly' mode, I don't really know why I'm airing it on here, my heads a bit battered.
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Airing it here will do no harm.
At least you didn't do anything rash.
The old clichés like times a healer won't help much initially.
But think about the kids and family and they need you
 

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