Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Zezti said:
Can feel myself starting to slip back into depression. I felt was good for several months but just had some university results back and they're not good. I thought I'd be able to put it to the back of my mind, wait for the referral tasks (simpler assessments to get a pass mark, basically) to come in the coming month or so and stay happy in the meantime but I just feel crushed. The results mean I can pretty much kiss goodbye to a decent final grade for my degree; a 2:1 or above, which is what employers nearly always specify as a minimum.
20k+ debt already, not sure if doing the final year will be worth it at this point.

Don't know what to do
its ruined me to be honest
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The debt is irrelevant, don't let that cloud anything. They aren't going to come kicking your door down for it mate, concentrate on the stuff you can affect.

i never went to Uni so can't comment on your grade as I don't know what it means, what I do know is that this will be an experience that you can let go two ways, there are plenty of people with good degrees who work in jobs that they think they are better than and just as many people who got below what they wanted who are in jobs that are way above the 'academic achievers'

Don't get hung up on a degree is basically my message, and definitely don't worry about the debt. It's not like missing a payment on your credit card etc, is dormant until you earn enough to afford to pay it back.
 
COYBL25 said:
Thanks very much for asking mate.

We got a new puppy on Sunday for him, as we had to do something. He was making himself ill with grief and it seemed to be getting worse if not better.

He's made up with the new pup, but is still crying every now and again over the old dog.

Hopefully it's the start of him getting back in track.
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Sounds like he's on the mend.

For what it's worth, I think getting a new dog was the right thing to do.

When I was 8 I accidently dropped a fence panel on our cat and crushed her. I was distraught. Didn't start to get over it until my parents got me another cat.
 
Never went to Uni, never got an 'ology' (some older readers may remember that from a TV comedy...but can't for the life of me remember which) so can't put myself in your position. But l think by increasing your expectations you are putting yourself under more pressure and increasing your anxiety.
Perhaps you need to re-evaluate by thinking along the lines of 'Ok, maybe a 2:1 is a little out of my reach but a 'Desmond' (2:2) is not the end of the world. If l concentrate on achieving that then l have at least something to be proud of because l faced up to harsh reality and didn't run away and stuck it out'.
It may just relax you more and take the pressure off which in turn might just have the effect of raising your scores. Who knows?
I guess it also depends on what it is you are studying.
 
Zezti said:
Can feel myself starting to slip back into depression. I felt was good for several months but just had some university results back and they're not good. I thought I'd be able to put it to the back of my mind, wait for the referral tasks (simpler assessments to get a pass mark, basically) to come in the coming month or so and stay happy in the meantime but I just feel crushed. The results mean I can pretty much kiss goodbye to a decent final grade for my degree; a 2:1 or above, which is what employers nearly always specify as a minimum.
20k+ debt already, not sure if doing the final year will be worth it at this point.

Don't know what to do
its ruined me to be honest
Click to expand...

Can you defer for a year perhaps?
If not, I have to say I've never been asked to specify my degree grade at any job I've been at, and only one job (in the 7+ I've had) has ever asked to even see my degree certificate, and that was only because it was for a foreign government so I needed a specialist visa. I think most employers are just happy if you have a degree (and I work at a uni!)
 
flippa said:
Can you defer for a year perhaps?
If not, I have to say I've never been asked to specify my degree grade at any job I've been at, and only one job (in the 7+ I've had) has ever asked to even see my degree certificate, and that was only because it was for a foreign government so I needed a specialist visa. I think most employers are just happy if you have a degree (and I work at a uni!)
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It's a possibility, but not one that I'm keen on. Really, I want to get away from this soon. I already had to defer during my first year when I changed courses. I really don't fit the whole uni lifestyle thing. Basically just want to move on with my life.
I hope you're right about the degree grade thing. I think I'm firmly stuck on a 2:2 now.
 

Zezti said:
It's a possibility, but not one that I'm keen on. Really, I want to get away from this soon. I already had to defer during my first year when I changed courses. I really don't fit the whole uni lifestyle thing. Basically just want to move on with my life.
I hope you're right about the degree grade thing. I think I'm firmly stuck on a 2:2 now.
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There's no shame in that mate.

I used to play footy with a lad who couldn't get past the fourth year of his Engineering degree. He'd left school with a handful of qualifications and got all his A levels at night school, so he did it the hard way.

He re-sat three times, as he was determined it wasn't going to beat him. He just couldn't do it and it made him ill in the process.

In the end he went back to his old job as a painter and decorator.

Once he got over the initial period of readjustment, he's been very happy and even met his wife whilst decorating her house !

I'm just using this as an example of the fact that you just don't know where your life is going to take you.

Just because things seem dark now, doesn't mean that they'll be dark forever.

Finish your degree, take stock, take time out and evaluate then, rather than now ?

Things may not seem as bleak then, as they do now x
 
Zezti said:
It's a possibility, but not one that I'm keen on. Really, I want to get away from this soon. I already had to defer during my first year when I changed courses. I really don't fit the whole uni lifestyle thing. Basically just want to move on with my life.
I hope you're right about the degree grade thing. I think I'm firmly stuck on a 2:2 now.
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My eldest did the Uni thing. Brains to burn but don't really think she applied herself (very sociable and probably would have achieved a first class honours in that if they were giving them out for partying!). Anyways, long story short she came out with a 2:2 and then after a short stint working for a bank (which bored the ass of her) she had a years sabbatical doing Oz and came back where she got a temporary job in a call centre and through that applied for a full time career position and is now doing exceptionally well in her new life. Opportunities will arise and it is just a question of recognising them when they do. If you have the ability and show a well rounded persona a degree of any sort will get your foot in many doors. Most employers - other than the really high class ones who only cast their nets for Oxbridge level candidates - are still more interested in you as a person and what you can bring to the table.
Personally, l would just concentrate getting through your final year but, perhaps, try and fit some time in learning the soft skills needed to succeed at interviews. I am sure there are classes available which will help you in this respect and then at least you will be prepared and ahead of your peers when it comes to applying for work. Many young people walk out of Uni wholly unprepared in this regard and probably fail to get jobs despite their degrees. Good luck.
 
Jokerdan said:
My eldest did the Uni thing. Brains to burn but don't really think she applied herself (very sociable and probably would have achieved a first class honours in that if they were giving them out for partying!). Anyways, long story short she came out with a 2:2 and then after a short stint working for a bank (which bored the ass of her) she had a years sabbatical doing Oz and came back where she got a temporary job in a call centre and through that applied for a full time career position and is now doing exceptionally well in her new life. Opportunities will arise and it is just a question of recognising them when they do. If you have the ability and show a well rounded persona a degree of any sort will get your foot in many doors. Most employers - other than the really high class ones who only cast their nets for Oxbridge level candidates - are still more interested in you as a person and what you can bring to the table.
Personally, l would just concentrate getting through your final year but, perhaps, try and fit some time in learning the soft skills needed to succeed at interviews. I am sure there are classes available which will help you in this respect and then at least you will be prepared and ahead of your peers when it comes to applying for work. Many young people walk out of Uni wholly unprepared in this regard and probably fail to get jobs despite their degrees. Good luck.
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Spot on.

I used to work in a medium sized firm of Solicitors. Nearly everyone of the young Solicitors there had a 2.2.

They were earning bundles too.
 
COYBL25 said:
Spot on.

I used to work in a medium sized firm of Solicitors. Nearly everyone of the young Solicitors there had a 2.2.

They were earning bundles too.
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Which proves my point, precisely. Degrees are nothing more - and l am in no way belittling them - than a key to unlock doors. Let's face it, many hiring employers don't have degrees themselves but because so much stead is made of them nowadays they feel the need to advertise these as a minimum requirement for vacancies. Many, however, are re-awakening to the fact it is aptitude which is more relevant than exam techniques and proof of a good rounded background showing variable other interests and hobbies is nearly just as important. Being academically superior in the classroom isn't an indicator as to how well a person will cut it in the real world hence the need to build up your extra-curricular background. It shows employers you are not staid and set in your ways but can adapt to different scenarios and makes for a more interesting person and one who is more than likely able to co-exist with their colleagues.
 
faddy the blue said:
She contacted me again somehow last night telling me that there is a proposal at her place which her family is pressurizing her to accept. And that she cannot find it in her heart to accept anyone else. She said she's been fighting again at her place to deny that proposal and has told her folks she wants me. However, her mother then gets ill, gets a high blood pressure and has told her that won't accept me. Her sisters are still pressurizing her. For now, she is trying extremely hard to fight off the pressure and somehow change her family's perception about me. But it looks like they don't wanna change and they won't even meet me or my folks to make a better judgement about us.

I asked my folks to contact her stubborn mother again but now even they say that "We contacted them not once but twice, tried for them to open to the idea by atleast meeting us but they disrespected us both times and did not even want to meet. Her family does not wanna let her marry you. So what more can we do?"

I wish running off was an option for us. Her folks won't even let her leave house, nor would she wanna leave her old mother alone after all these years. She knows what her family is doing is simply wrong and non sensical. Now my folks are telling me to accept the reality and are telling me that even things work out, judging her folks, they will still create mess for you two in the future.

Why is life so cruel? Are people not allowed to live happily?
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How are you doing mate ?
 

Zezti said:
Can feel myself starting to slip back into depression. I felt was good for several months but just had some university results back and they're not good. I thought I'd be able to put it to the back of my mind, wait for the referral tasks (simpler assessments to get a pass mark, basically) to come in the coming month or so and stay happy in the meantime but I just feel crushed. The results mean I can pretty much kiss goodbye to a decent final grade for my degree; a 2:1 or above, which is what employers nearly always specify as a minimum.
20k+ debt already, not sure if doing the final year will be worth it at this point.

Don't know what to do
its ruined me to be honest
Click to expand...
First up, it isn't the end of the world if you drop out/don't pass/don't get the grade you want. It may seem like it at your age and in your current environment but it really isn't. I know I was one (went back later as a mature student and did a degree just to prove to myself that I could) - my son followed in my footsteps- He's dead bright, went to Uni, dropped out after two years (excessive socialising!) and is doing OK - he's got a job, gets paid £23K and he's 23. Don't beat yourself up if Uni isn't for you. There are other routes to a good career.
 
Jokerdan said:
Never went to Uni, never got an 'ology' (some older readers may remember that from a TV comedy...but can't for the life of me remember which) so can't put myself in your position. But l think by increasing your expectations you are putting yourself under more pressure and increasing your anxiety.
Perhaps you need to re-evaluate by thinking along the lines of 'Ok, maybe a 2:1 is a little out of my reach but a 'Desmond' (2:2) is not the end of the world. If l concentrate on achieving that then l have at least something to be proud of because l faced up to harsh reality and didn't run away and stuck it out'.
It may just relax you more and take the pressure off which in turn might just have the effect of raising your scores. Who knows?
I guess it also depends on what it is you are studying.
Click to expand...
Maureen Lipman BT advert
 
efcforever said:
Well just got back from a night at the pub. Wish I could say I enjoyed it but I didn't. For some reason socialising is just something I can't cope with. Won't be putting myself through that again for the forseeable future. I really tried to make the effort but I guess it's just too much at the moment.
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You went out though mate and that's a massive plus.

The easy option is to make excuses and avoid all social situations.

You didn't, so give yourself a massive pat on the back ;)
 
Don't know if you guys remember but a while back I got put on consultation. They've made my job redundant. Anyway, upshot is I have been promoted and my boss has left. They are, however, paying me 60% of what he was getting and I will have to do both jobs. I have wanted this job for years, but now I have it it feels tainted. Sorry I know it's a 1st World problem.
 

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