Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Fletch]

Haven't posted in here a while, been trying to just buckle down and just take life a day at a time instead of constantly pouring out my thoughts and emotions. Still having the mood swings, fine one minute and down the next. Constantly comparing myself to others and coming up with negative conclusions and finding the future hard to be positive about. It's a horrible mind-set but I just can't seem to shake it off, least not on a consistent basis.

Tonight was supposed to be my work's Christmas night out. I decided not to go and I've been wondering whether it was the right decision. It's a fairly big company and about 50 or so people were supposedly going, a big room in Aintree racecourse was booked with a meal and a disco. Certain members of my work team said they weren't going though, meaning if I had gone I was probably going to get stuck having to mingle with certain people I really don't like and don't have time for. On that basis I decided to swerve it, I didn't want to get stuck in a crappy situation like that.

Without sounding like a right misery guts, I've found that, like a good amount of people, I just don't seem to enjoy the Christmas holidays that much. I felt a dip in my moods around this time before, it's probably because when you're feeling a bit down it's not fun seeing loads of other people feeling merry all around you. Trying to keep a brave face on though and not let anyone see it though.

I know how you feel exactly, I went to mine on Saturday but felt I should, I drove and then disappeared as people started getting very drunk and had a nice buffet !

I'm spending Christmas on my own, not actually that worried about it, I finish work 18th and go back 2nd January so looking at somewhere to fly to maybe over Christmas, maybe something different, something worthwhile spending the credit card on, Goa, Thailand or similar ?

 

[EFCPaul]

I know how you feel exactly, I went to mine on Saturday but felt I should, I drove and then disappeared as people started getting very drunk and had a nice buffet !

I'm spending Christmas on my own, not actually that worried about it, I finish work 18th and go back 2nd January so looking at somewhere to fly to maybe over Christmas, maybe something different, something worthwhile spending the credit card on, Goa, Thailand or similar ?

Just do something that keeps your mind occupied mate, even if it's got NOWT to do with the holidays. As I said, during times when you're not feeling quite your best it definitely doesn't help seeing everyone else acting so happy, it makes me feel like I'm really missing out. Best thing to do is try to avoid it, as miserable as that sounds. That doesn't mean sitting in a cave and acting like the Grinch, just try to make plans that will mean you'll enjoy yourself without having to be reminded what time of year of it is.

I'm still fretting a bit over my life and where it is currently, stuff like work, relationships, family. It all seems trivial because there isn't anything that's really going badly wrong in regards to all of that, I just can't help but worry about things are going to pan out. The result the other day brought a big smile though.

 

[COYBL25]

Just do something that keeps your mind occupied mate, even if it's got NOWT to do with the holidays. As I said, during times when you're not feeling quite your best it definitely doesn't help seeing everyone else acting so happy, it makes me feel like I'm really missing out. Best thing to do is try to avoid it, as miserable as that sounds. That doesn't mean sitting in a cave and acting like the Grinch, just try to make plans that will mean you'll enjoy yourself without having to be reminded what time of year of it is.

I'm still fretting a bit over my life and where it is currently, stuff like work, relationships, family. It all seems trivial because there isn't anything that's really going badly wrong in regards to all of that, I just can't help but worry about things are going to pan out. The result the other day brought a big smile though.

I`ve always found going walking over Christmas is a good way of doing something worthwhile and stops you feeling down too.

The Lakes / Snowdon is beautiful at Christmas ( weather dependant ) and loads go walking on Christmas Day /Boxing Day, so you`re with others too.

Plus most of the pubs and hotels are open for a drink too. ( you won`t get a meal unless you`ve booked )

 

[larbert toffee]

Thanks to all for sharing. My mum went for open heart surgery just over a month ago. It seemed to go ok but I was worried as she wasn't eating. They let her onto a ward twice but she has now deteriorated and is in Critical Care on a ventilator. My mum has always been rock hard, and it's tough to see her like this, and to contemplate life without her. My dad is useless, he can't do anything for himself and my sister and I don't live anywhere near so it's a stressful situation. I feel like sharing this because people on this forum are really supportive of each other.

I remember back to my Gran and Grandad being in a similar situation, my Gran died and we were really concerned for my Grandad looking after himself as my Gran had always done everything for him, in the end we were not only surprised but also proud of the way he picked himself up and looked after himself for about another 4/5 years before he himself passed on.
I am in a similar position to you where I live such a distance away from my parents, my old fella is now 82 and always been really active but he has health complicatioins and I see him fading a little each time I am back home, my ma is 78 and relies on my dad for everything, if he goes first she will really be struggling and I find myself now cherishing the time that my old fella is still here.
If your Dad keeps ok and is active hopefully you will experience similar and it may give him the jolt he needs to start looking after himself, it may be tough but raise the subject with him to bring his mindset round and take it from there, good luck mate.

 

[EDINHO1]

Thanks to all for sharing. My mum went for open heart surgery just over a month ago. It seemed to go ok but I was worried as she wasn't eating. They let her onto a ward twice but she has now deteriorated and is in Critical Care on a ventilator. My mum has always been rock hard, and it's tough to see her like this, and to contemplate life without her. My dad is useless, he can't do anything for himself and my sister and I don't live anywhere near so it's a stressful situation. I feel like sharing this because people on this forum are really supportive of each other.

I feel your pain mate. My mum has a horrid mix of Alzheimer’s and cancer. I’m not sure she will make it to Christmas. Everything is going downhill so quickly. I had to help her onto the toilet today and was wiping her poo off the floor last week.
I just feel for my poor Dad, god knows how he is coping. All my panic attacks etc are linked back to this.
At least I’m only half hour away.

 

[hallamblue]

Went to see mum today. Prognosis is not good. Her heart is quite weak and her lungs are badly swollen, and the doctor's have tried every antibiotic. Last chance saloon they are trying her on steroids. My sister and I are with my dad and we're trying to get our heads round it. Once she had made it through the operation we thought she would be ok. My dad's doing ok considering, and has at least agreed that should the worst happen he will come and live near us.

 

[EDINHO1]

Fingers crossed x

 

[WA Toffee]

My 15 year old daughter has been in hospital for the past 24 hours after trying to commit suicide. She has a history of cutting herself but always with the intention of feeling pain, but yesterday was the first time she talked seriously about suicide. She has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, psychosis, possible schizophrenia and a couple of other behaviour disorders. We have been seeing a psychiatrist for over a year and she is on a few different medications which do take away the extreme anger.
She has always been a very shy girl who has struggled to make friends, but in the past couple of years has got mixed up with the wrong crowd. Last week her boyfriend got stabbed (he is ok) and after that her friend got knocked down - on purpose - and killed. It was all part of the same fight, which escalated badly. Yesterday she was out with a few of her friends and she got alcohol from one of them (she always reacts badly to alcohol), came home and locked herself in the bathroom and slit her arms and legs with a razor blade saying “I want to be with Jacob” (the kid who got knocked down). They psych nurse visited her last night and because she was still saying she wanted to kill herself, had a nurse stationed in her room to watch over her. We tried to get her transferred into the clinic that her pyschiatrist is at, but they are full and don’t have a bed so she is coming home.

Anyone got experience dealing with something similar that may be able to advise how to manage it?
We are going to the uk next week for a holiday and she always seems to be more positive when we are away as she is away from all the drama that her friends seem to be embroiled in, so hopefully she will stay safe for another week and then we can relax a bit.

 

[chrismpw]

My 15 year old daughter has been in hospital for the past 24 hours after trying to commit suicide. She has a history of cutting herself but always with the intention of feeling pain, but yesterday was the first time she talked seriously about suicide. She has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, psychosis, possible schizophrenia and a couple of other behaviour disorders. We have been seeing a psychiatrist for over a year and she is on a few different medications which do take away the extreme anger.
She has always been a very shy girl who has struggled to make friends, but in the past couple of years has got mixed up with the wrong crowd. Last week her boyfriend got stabbed (he is ok) and after that her friend got knocked down - on purpose - and killed. It was all part of the same fight, which escalated badly. Yesterday she was out with a few of her friends and she got alcohol from one of them (she always reacts badly to alcohol), came home and locked herself in the bathroom and slit her arms and legs with a razor blade saying “I want to be with Jacob” (the kid who got knocked down). They psych nurse visited her last night and because she was still saying she wanted to kill herself, had a nurse stationed in her room to watch over her. We tried to get her transferred into the clinic that her pyschiatrist is at, but they are full and don’t have a bed so she is coming home.

Anyone got experience dealing with something similar that may be able to advise how to manage it?
We are going to the uk next week for a holiday and she always seems to be more positive when we are away as she is away from all the drama that her friends seem to be embroiled in, so hopefully she will stay safe for another week and then we can relax a bit.

Mate, you must be desperate, this sounds horrendous.
I'll share a few thoughts, but only you will know what's been tried before, or what's most suitable. I've been a teacher for 30 years so have a bit of practical experience of the teenage mind, and even I'm a long way from being any kind of expert. I might be stating the obvious to you here but don't want to leave anything out.

Talk - get her talking, but most importantly listen. Listen and don't interrupt, other than to prompt, and don't judge.

Show her love. Reminisce over key points of her childhood that have brought fun or pleasure, particularly family pleasure.

Changes of scene .... I think I remember you're an Aussie? Can you get into the wilderness and do some camping? (It's minus 6 where I am this morning so that wouldn't work here!)) Get into nature, a distraction, reset values away from all the clutter we surround ourselves with. Generate some lack of comfort, and challenge to bond with her so that in a subliminal level she sees you as a leader. Make sure you're relaxed about things yourself, or at least appear to be relaxed. We try to make our kids independent and give them freedom, but really they don't always have the skills to cope with it and it causes stress. It wouldn't hurt to redo this regularly.

These aren't ideas you'll necessarily find in a book, so if you've exhausted all of those and you're in the same spot, then they might be worth a shot.

Best of luck with it, mate.

 

[Fletch]

My 15 year old daughter has been in hospital for the past 24 hours after trying to commit suicide. She has a history of cutting herself but always with the intention of feeling pain, but yesterday was the first time she talked seriously about suicide. She has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, psychosis, possible schizophrenia and a couple of other behaviour disorders. We have been seeing a psychiatrist for over a year and she is on a few different medications which do take away the extreme anger.
She has always been a very shy girl who has struggled to make friends, but in the past couple of years has got mixed up with the wrong crowd. Last week her boyfriend got stabbed (he is ok) and after that her friend got knocked down - on purpose - and killed. It was all part of the same fight, which escalated badly. Yesterday she was out with a few of her friends and she got alcohol from one of them (she always reacts badly to alcohol), came home and locked herself in the bathroom and slit her arms and legs with a razor blade saying “I want to be with Jacob” (the kid who got knocked down). They psych nurse visited her last night and because she was still saying she wanted to kill herself, had a nurse stationed in her room to watch over her. We tried to get her transferred into the clinic that her pyschiatrist is at, but they are full and don’t have a bed so she is coming home.

Anyone got experience dealing with something similar that may be able to advise how to manage it?
We are going to the uk next week for a holiday and she always seems to be more positive when we are away as she is away from all the drama that her friends seem to be embroiled in, so hopefully she will stay safe for another week and then we can relax a bit.

HI mate, I'm sorry to hear this, my daughter is 15 too and cut herself two years ago and has eating problems, she suffers from anxiety and wont go out in big crowds, I worry about this every day as I feel she might do something, she lives with her mum not me which makes it worse.

Reach out if you need to.

 

[WA Toffee]

Mate, you must be desperate, this sounds horrendous.
I'll share a few thoughts, but only you will know what's been tried before, or what's most suitable. I've been a teacher for 30 years so have a bit of practical experience of the teenage mind, and even I'm a long way from being any kind of expert. I might be stating the obvious to you here but don't want to leave anything out.

Talk - get her talking, but most importantly listen. Listen and don't interrupt, other than to prompt, and don't judge.

Show her love. Reminisce over key points of her childhood that have brought fun or pleasure, particularly family pleasure.

Changes of scene .... I think I remember you're an Aussie? Can you get into the wilderness and do some camping? (It's minus 6 where I am this morning so that wouldn't work here!)) Get into nature, a distraction, reset values away from all the clutter we surround ourselves with. Generate some lack of comfort, and challenge to bond with her so that in a subliminal level she sees you as a leader. Make sure you're relaxed about things yourself, or at least appear to be relaxed. We try to make our kids independent and give them freedom, but really they don't always have the skills to cope with it and it causes stress. It wouldn't hurt to redo this regularly.

These aren't ideas you'll necessarily find in a book, so if you've exhausted all of those and you're in the same spot, then they might be worth a shot.

Best of luck with it, mate.

All good ideas. We have a counsellor who comes round every fortnight and she has helped, my daughter has started to open up to her which is good. In general though, she is not good at opening up about her feelings, I’m not the most talkative either to be fair but she does have long discussions with her mum. Sometimes helps, sometimes doesn’t as she often sees it as a lecture even when it’s not.

The hard part is that in many ways she is just like any other 15 year old girl - social media, out with friends, risk taking but she doesn’t see that her mental condition means she can’t safely enjoy (or assess) the risks she is taking and how they affect her.

She got discharged this evening and seems to be in good spirits, so we will just give her lots of love and positive reinforcement over the next few days until we leave for UK.

 

[chrismpw]

All good ideas. We have a counsellor who comes round every fortnight and she has helped, my daughter has started to open up to her which is good. In general though, she is not good at opening up about her feelings, I’m not the most talkative either to be fair but she does have long discussions with her mum. Sometimes helps, sometimes doesn’t as she often sees it as a lecture even when it’s not.

The hard part is that in many ways she is just like any other 15 year old girl - social media, out with friends, risk taking but she doesn’t see that her mental condition means she can’t safely enjoy (or assess) the risks she is taking and how they affect her.

She got discharged this evening and seems to be in good spirits, so we will just give her lots of love and positive reinforcement over the next few days until we leave for UK.

Which is why I thought of camping. No phones or anything else to do around s campfire fire other than talk. When you all run out of unjudgemwntal talk, maybe she'll open up.
The time to give her advice comes after she's said all she can, otherwise it can sound judgemental.

Hope it works out.

 

[WA Toffee]

HI mate, I'm sorry to hear this, my daughter is 15 too and cut herself two years ago and has eating problems, she suffers from anxiety and wont go out in big crowds, I worry about this every day as I feel she might do something, she lives with her mum not me which makes it worse.

Reach out if you need to.

Thanks, it must be even harder not being together. Let’s hope they both get through it and grow into the beautiful young ladies they should be.

 

[flippa]

My 15 year old daughter has been in hospital for the past 24 hours after trying to commit suicide. She has a history of cutting herself but always with the intention of feeling pain, but yesterday was the first time she talked seriously about suicide. She has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, psychosis, possible schizophrenia and a couple of other behaviour disorders. We have been seeing a psychiatrist for over a year and she is on a few different medications which do take away the extreme anger.
She has always been a very shy girl who has struggled to make friends, but in the past couple of years has got mixed up with the wrong crowd. Last week her boyfriend got stabbed (he is ok) and after that her friend got knocked down - on purpose - and killed. It was all part of the same fight, which escalated badly. Yesterday she was out with a few of her friends and she got alcohol from one of them (she always reacts badly to alcohol), came home and locked herself in the bathroom and slit her arms and legs with a razor blade saying “I want to be with Jacob” (the kid who got knocked down). They psych nurse visited her last night and because she was still saying she wanted to kill herself, had a nurse stationed in her room to watch over her. We tried to get her transferred into the clinic that her pyschiatrist is at, but they are full and don’t have a bed so she is coming home.

Anyone got experience dealing with something similar that may be able to advise how to manage it?
We are going to the uk next week for a holiday and she always seems to be more positive when we are away as she is away from all the drama that her friends seem to be embroiled in, so hopefully she will stay safe for another week and then we can relax a bit.

This sounds awful, my heart goes out to you. I don't really have much advice, just wanted to send you a message to let you know I'm thinking of you.

The only thing I've got to offer is, perhaps see if you can talk to her main friends, and express to them clearly how much of a trigger alcohol is, and the potentially life-threatening effect it could have if they give it to her. Hopefully that might encourage them to not drink around her, or give her booze. I suspect your daughter will be angry and humiliated if you go down that route, but I guess I'd rather have an angry child than the alternative. Or, you could include her in the conversation if you think that would work? Thinking about when I was that age, there was a heck of a lot that I concealed from my parents, but shared with friends (normal teen behaviour), so the more you can encourage her to be honest with her friends, the more they might be able to see how much she needs support?

Sorry I can't be more constructive than that :/

 

[Fletch]

Thanks, it must be even harder not being together. Let’s hope they both get through it and grow into the beautiful young ladies they should be.

We took her out of school and her mum home schooled her for a year, she now goes to an academy and its mainly boys and she seems to get on better with the lads, she's a very pretty girl and got a lot of stick at comprehensive school.