After what has seemed like far too long its time to do the Everton thing again.
The sh*ttiest timed international break came on the back of three draws which split the fan-base into a glass half full or empty showdown. Were still unbeaten but without a win too. So it’s a tough ask to kickstart a season against a Mourinho led Chelsea but that’s about the size of it.
The last game out was a relatively dull draw away to Cardiff where they piled everyone behind the ball and we struggled to break them down. Then Match Of The Day made the highlights look like Cardiff were all over us, some skill they have to do that like, testimony to the power of the media that Mr Goebells got onto early doors.
But since then there’s been a transfer deadline day and one which we came out of not too badly. Despite the demonization that occurs when ace players leave us that big haired galoot Fellaini will be missed in the Everton team. His height for any aerial balls all over the pitch gave us an advantage but that would do an injustice to his brilliant togger skills and important number of goals, indeed he was our top scorer last season.
In came Lukaku who’s goals we desperately need, Barry and McCarthy. Happily we also managed to keep the beautiful Leighton Baines in a royal blue shirt for some time more too, and he would have been a loss to definitely bemoan. Not one of us knows how it will work out but only in time will we know if it was a good window. We’ve certainly got the makings of not just a good team now but squad too, so that will hopefully show.
So that Chelsea thing then, big opposition to face when you’re searching for a first league win. We’ve had some mixed results against them over the years but Martinez will be under no illusions what a springboard it would be to nab a result against these now.
All the fuss this season has been of the return of their most successful manager and jaunted mid life housewife favourite Jose Mourinho. He f*cking loves it too doesn’t he? Supposed psychological expert in his mind games and abrasive determined nature, which the media align to being a real winner. He is one of them though as you don’t have as much success at the amount of clubs he has without having something tangible in your locker. He’s always been kind to us and openly detests the kopites so there’ll be no animosity shown from these parts for the time being.
They do have a bulb element to some of their fans but that’s par for the course about football in these times. If ever a club had a white van man following though it’s Chelsea. If the camera scans the crowd for any amount of time you’ve got not very bright and hostile middle aged men with replica tops hugging their midriff a little too tight, shouting invariably at someone or some thing. Faded St George tattoos inked into their forearms and sh*te stonewashed jeans. I do feel for them trying to interact all things Chelsea online as their internet support seems exclusively to be borderline psychopaths from the likes of Ghana and Equatorial Guinea. DAT RAMIREZ BE A RUDEBOY. DEM SPURZ ARE JOKER. As least they speak like the local youth around those parts.
They have Premier League trophy aspirations this season and as such have a squad of boss players to match it. Recent acquisition Samuel Eto managed to drag himself away from a place in Russia few would be brave to trample, although he was getting paid 300k a week for playing there. Is he still as ace as we remember on Pro Evo? We’ll find out soon enough unless Torres is preferred to him up top.
Eden Hazard is the man who makes it tick up there for them though, an exquisite footballer and a pain in the arse for any defence whether you’re sitting deep or pushed up high, which we’ll try to do. He’ll have to watched closely/snided out of the game. And if you manage to keep him quiet then you’ve got a similar type of creativity there with Oscar.
Ramires is a fine footballer who in a similar sense to Darron Gibson doesn’t get enough credit in his importance to the team, a player who’s more noticeable when he’s not there than when he is, if that makes sense. A great engine on him enables him to dictate the play in games if allowed. David Luiz could also start in there or defence dependent on the preference of his manager. He made a very good transition to the middle of the park last year and looked like an excellent midfielder, apparently they managed to fend off the advances of Barcelona in the summer for him.
The defence you know very well and contains some world class f*cking flutes like captain John Terry and Ashley Cole. I’ll swerve the left back warz that too many seem obsessed over with him and Leighton Baines. They’re both boss left backs and you’ll gravitate towards the one who plays for your club naturally. Peter Cech will start between the sticks looking like the world’s gangliest prop got lost and walked out on the wrong pitch.
Onto Everton. Lukaku looks like the Predator, in the Predator’s early days before the Predator got himself a serious lemo problem and started snarling at the world. He can’t make this game as he would be playing against his parent club so it’s a straight tear up between Jelavic and Kone and judging my Martinez’s comments in the media this week I’d hedge my bets on the Croatian starting up front. He’s got to be acutely aware of the threat to him position now so you wouldn’t imagine there will be too many more chances for him to hold down the forward position whilst not scoring or playing poorly. Hope it kicks in as he’s got it but I think it’s unlikely, unless we play someone up there with him.
Barkley has now been knighted by the redtops and will always carry the prefix “England International” when referring to him, even if he went off his game and ended up at Peterborough. He won’t though, he’s gonna be ace for us for quite some time. He’ll start in the advanced midfield position. Behind him in the middle should be Barry and another, you may think McCarthy but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Osman continue there as part of that weird thing managers do in showing faith in a player. Pienaar will probably line up left and Mirallas on the right, both of whom need to kick start their season into some form or that Catalan wonderlid looks more and more inviting as the weeks pass.
Jagielka and Distin will play centre back, unless he does that five in defence thing with it being the threat of Chelsea. We will still look to push Chelsea and control possession so against someone adept at counter attacking as they are we may find both our centre backs pace will be invaluable. Give Leighton Baines the loudest clap you can when he walks to take his first corner for us, on the opposite side of defence will be the over enthusiasm and general bossness of right back play that is the latter day Seamus Coleman. The American will be in goal.
It’s a hugely important game as we’ll get to see the all new Everton show against a genuinely top class team. To help with that it’s a late kick off so you’re going to have all manner of pissed up lids and dads and screechy scouse girls in full hostile mode. The type of atmosphere that either moves the team up another notch or becomes something to be swerved if Chelsea get an early goal or two.
But you wanted footie so you’ve got it. If Everton really want to get the season going then they’ll need to get out there and go right through these beauts like they mean it. Only when Mourinho is waving his arms wildly to the officials every two minutes in a strop will we know that its working. What’s our name?
The sh*ttiest timed international break came on the back of three draws which split the fan-base into a glass half full or empty showdown. Were still unbeaten but without a win too. So it’s a tough ask to kickstart a season against a Mourinho led Chelsea but that’s about the size of it.
The last game out was a relatively dull draw away to Cardiff where they piled everyone behind the ball and we struggled to break them down. Then Match Of The Day made the highlights look like Cardiff were all over us, some skill they have to do that like, testimony to the power of the media that Mr Goebells got onto early doors.
But since then there’s been a transfer deadline day and one which we came out of not too badly. Despite the demonization that occurs when ace players leave us that big haired galoot Fellaini will be missed in the Everton team. His height for any aerial balls all over the pitch gave us an advantage but that would do an injustice to his brilliant togger skills and important number of goals, indeed he was our top scorer last season.
In came Lukaku who’s goals we desperately need, Barry and McCarthy. Happily we also managed to keep the beautiful Leighton Baines in a royal blue shirt for some time more too, and he would have been a loss to definitely bemoan. Not one of us knows how it will work out but only in time will we know if it was a good window. We’ve certainly got the makings of not just a good team now but squad too, so that will hopefully show.
So that Chelsea thing then, big opposition to face when you’re searching for a first league win. We’ve had some mixed results against them over the years but Martinez will be under no illusions what a springboard it would be to nab a result against these now.
All the fuss this season has been of the return of their most successful manager and jaunted mid life housewife favourite Jose Mourinho. He f*cking loves it too doesn’t he? Supposed psychological expert in his mind games and abrasive determined nature, which the media align to being a real winner. He is one of them though as you don’t have as much success at the amount of clubs he has without having something tangible in your locker. He’s always been kind to us and openly detests the kopites so there’ll be no animosity shown from these parts for the time being.
They do have a bulb element to some of their fans but that’s par for the course about football in these times. If ever a club had a white van man following though it’s Chelsea. If the camera scans the crowd for any amount of time you’ve got not very bright and hostile middle aged men with replica tops hugging their midriff a little too tight, shouting invariably at someone or some thing. Faded St George tattoos inked into their forearms and sh*te stonewashed jeans. I do feel for them trying to interact all things Chelsea online as their internet support seems exclusively to be borderline psychopaths from the likes of Ghana and Equatorial Guinea. DAT RAMIREZ BE A RUDEBOY. DEM SPURZ ARE JOKER. As least they speak like the local youth around those parts.
They have Premier League trophy aspirations this season and as such have a squad of boss players to match it. Recent acquisition Samuel Eto managed to drag himself away from a place in Russia few would be brave to trample, although he was getting paid 300k a week for playing there. Is he still as ace as we remember on Pro Evo? We’ll find out soon enough unless Torres is preferred to him up top.
Eden Hazard is the man who makes it tick up there for them though, an exquisite footballer and a pain in the arse for any defence whether you’re sitting deep or pushed up high, which we’ll try to do. He’ll have to watched closely/snided out of the game. And if you manage to keep him quiet then you’ve got a similar type of creativity there with Oscar.
Ramires is a fine footballer who in a similar sense to Darron Gibson doesn’t get enough credit in his importance to the team, a player who’s more noticeable when he’s not there than when he is, if that makes sense. A great engine on him enables him to dictate the play in games if allowed. David Luiz could also start in there or defence dependent on the preference of his manager. He made a very good transition to the middle of the park last year and looked like an excellent midfielder, apparently they managed to fend off the advances of Barcelona in the summer for him.
The defence you know very well and contains some world class f*cking flutes like captain John Terry and Ashley Cole. I’ll swerve the left back warz that too many seem obsessed over with him and Leighton Baines. They’re both boss left backs and you’ll gravitate towards the one who plays for your club naturally. Peter Cech will start between the sticks looking like the world’s gangliest prop got lost and walked out on the wrong pitch.
Onto Everton. Lukaku looks like the Predator, in the Predator’s early days before the Predator got himself a serious lemo problem and started snarling at the world. He can’t make this game as he would be playing against his parent club so it’s a straight tear up between Jelavic and Kone and judging my Martinez’s comments in the media this week I’d hedge my bets on the Croatian starting up front. He’s got to be acutely aware of the threat to him position now so you wouldn’t imagine there will be too many more chances for him to hold down the forward position whilst not scoring or playing poorly. Hope it kicks in as he’s got it but I think it’s unlikely, unless we play someone up there with him.
Barkley has now been knighted by the redtops and will always carry the prefix “England International” when referring to him, even if he went off his game and ended up at Peterborough. He won’t though, he’s gonna be ace for us for quite some time. He’ll start in the advanced midfield position. Behind him in the middle should be Barry and another, you may think McCarthy but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Osman continue there as part of that weird thing managers do in showing faith in a player. Pienaar will probably line up left and Mirallas on the right, both of whom need to kick start their season into some form or that Catalan wonderlid looks more and more inviting as the weeks pass.
Jagielka and Distin will play centre back, unless he does that five in defence thing with it being the threat of Chelsea. We will still look to push Chelsea and control possession so against someone adept at counter attacking as they are we may find both our centre backs pace will be invaluable. Give Leighton Baines the loudest clap you can when he walks to take his first corner for us, on the opposite side of defence will be the over enthusiasm and general bossness of right back play that is the latter day Seamus Coleman. The American will be in goal.
It’s a hugely important game as we’ll get to see the all new Everton show against a genuinely top class team. To help with that it’s a late kick off so you’re going to have all manner of pissed up lids and dads and screechy scouse girls in full hostile mode. The type of atmosphere that either moves the team up another notch or becomes something to be swerved if Chelsea get an early goal or two.
But you wanted footie so you’ve got it. If Everton really want to get the season going then they’ll need to get out there and go right through these beauts like they mean it. Only when Mourinho is waving his arms wildly to the officials every two minutes in a strop will we know that its working. What’s our name?
