First home of the season it is then, a time of beautiful re-familiarity, jeans and t shirts with no jacket and scanning the new weirdos sat around and hoping that the cat piss smelling annoying one in the Parka hasn't got a season ticket in that exact seat for the of the season.
A team's home ground is always special to it's fans as it's eschewed with memories of being an awe struck lid going there with people important to you usually, and getting to love the wee things that make it what it is. In a misplaced show of oneupmanship I'm convinced that our little corner Walton is that wee bit more special than most though. In an age of out of town bowl stadiums reeking of supposed corporate nasties, we've got something which has been lived in, trodden over and evolved over 100 years. It's still the most arl arse ground in the country, not in the sense of being old but being cynical and hostile and full of the wonderful learned behaviours passed on from those before us.
Meant to writing a preview here so we'll move on from statements of the obvious, but we'll first have a look back at the preceding first game of this shiny new season.
Should have won that Norwich game but it wasn't to be. A combination of many things but primarily poor luck and clinical Norwich finishing denied us a deserved further two points. Loads of positives to take from it but at this early stage of a Martinez led Everton it's as futile as studying tea leaves in pointers for our medium and long term future. It will be a while before his team takes shape, he played eleven players of the ex manager on Saturday and for the most part to his credit, they played some ace footie. For long stretches you'd have though they were the under the cosh away team, which made Hughton's post match comments about deserving a point as believable as two celtic girls coming back from Peru with eleven kilos of marching powder stashed in their cases.
On that note though, there’s only way route towards a non guilty verdict and that’s by invoking der power of der werld’s greatest criminal laywers: der Kop. If I was them girls defence teams now I’d be getting their dars to claim they are season ticket holders at Anfield. The subsequent banners and campaign for clemency will have the Peruvians clambering for a not guilty verdict. Who’s the current Home Secretary? Expect ten thousand emails if it happens.
West Brom will be tougher challenge even if we are at home. They're smarting from a one nil defeat last week and will be wanting to get their season on track. If you're looking for a tactical breakdown and acute analysis of where their threats are likely to be then you're reading the wrong preview. I'd recommend the truly excellent Executioner's Bong site for that though, so save yourself the predictable forthcoming rude words about the opposition.
I don't mind West Brom, they've got a bit about them and try to go about togger in the right way. It's just the standard behaviour from their Boing Boing following that rankles a bit sometimes.
It’s the involuntary bell behaviour that they’re capable of. There you are having a pleasant evening in your three star plus late booking Portuguese hotel, warming to Harry & Wendy when he’s took the customary free shot and poured it in his eye. The [Poor language removed]? But that’s prevalent in small insular places in the UK. Everything, including the people are just shades of grey, so being a bell gives you an audience and your moment on stage. You the man.
They have absolutely no awareness of it though, so if you asked them why they just done the bell behaviour they can’t answer it. Like that Spanish train driver who decided to Schumacher that tight bend a couple of weeks ago. The loon has absolutely no idea why he done it and attested to that when the authorities asked him. See also Beattie butting that Chelsea defender on his debut. Some lids just get too excited and combined with the presence of the bell gene, well, mad stuff just happens.
The whole Midlands is as weird as it comes and puts forward a strong case for the absence of sea air f*cking up an entire community. The land where grade 15 sidebearns are seen as a male sign of virility and a souped up Fiesta XR2i is more potent than rohypnol and dark alleys for getting your end away. Their away fans are going to look like they’ve been bussed in for a fracking demonstration, they’ll smell like it too.
For me personally WBA have always been my pick of teams around that area. We’ve covered the nuances of (the) Villa who are the pinnacle of bells. Wolves aren’t far behind, like a snide version of Villa with smelly tw*ts covering in Mam and Dad tattoos thinking they’re MMA’s latest goldenchild in their home town but meekly keeping in the shadows once out of their postcodes. Well, WBA has less of that, or maybe I’ve just been fortunate to know a few decent lids from there. They done us in the FA Cup nearly fifty years ago but its sound now. They also bravely gave modern football its Rosa Parks moment when they fielded three boss black players. The gallous of them! Ron Atkinson, the racist old [Poor language removed], sort of detracted from that a bit later, but he’s of this parish and not theirs so let that be a stain on us. The watermelon headed jarg tanned arl perve.
Steve Clarke enjoyed a very decent first season. Despite looking like a smackhead Thunderbird he knows how to put out a strong and footballing team. Last seasons defeat in the away game was one of the few where a team pulled Everton’s pants down without any resistance. They did have an average second half of season so they’ll be hoping to get off well on the front foot again this year.
Giant striker Lukaku is going to be a big miss for them this season as he's recalled to the mothership Chelsea where he'll benefit from Moutinho's fondness for a big athletic lump up front. King of the Kenwynne Jones if you will.
They do have the affable little Shane Long up there though and he's good at slotting as has been proven in past tustles with his teams. When he hits a run of form he's a wee bit underrated truth be told. He'll be joined by jet heeled (boss tabloid phrase that) Vydra who scored a truck load of goals in the Championship last year, or by an increasingly passive Nicholas Anelka, who was boss in the nineties. Either way against our high defence it could be a pain.
Yacob is the hub of their midfield in a way similar to how Gibson influences ours, he's always there breaking things up and distributing the ball well. He'll probably be joined by Morrison, Mulumbu and Dorrans. Olsson and Ridgewell will play central defence and let's be honest you're sat there thinking "we'll togger these out of town easy" so are you even arsed who the full backs are? Neither am I.
They're gonna play tight in the middle and keep compact and look to hit us on the break when one of our centre halves criminally over plays it. There's gonna be loads of this at Goodison this season so we best get used to it.
Can't see too many changes to the team that started against Norwich for us, the game is coming at least a game too soon for Gibson so expect more of the same.
That same will involve Jelavic up front looking to benefit from a more forward thinking trio behind him of Pienaar, Mirallas and Ross dead boss Barkley. Would dearly love for a couple of early goals in the season for Jelavic, he needs a kickstart or you can see Kone lining up before too long in his position with Jelavic grimacing on the bench and hoping for the Bundesliga in January. He can still slot and I'd like that in royal blue if possible.
When Barkley gets Premier League tasty, and it’s just around the corner, he’s going to do absolutely ghastly things to opposition defences. I’m talking over exaggerated arm movements, yes I’ve seen that Ross you absolute cad. Jinks, shimmies and through balls with all the delicate pace of an E type Jaguar rolling confidently in neutral over a crushed stone driveway towards a boss house in Freshfields or Woolton. Effortless too. I know this is Everton and he’ll end up getting sold to Blackpool eventually for a nominal fee but if it all comes together then we have a serious player that the Daily Mail is going to try and personally sell themselves to Man Utd or Chelsea. Not only a tremendous first goal for EFC last week but an overall performance of great composure and nasty attacking intent. Go Ross.
In the middle were going to have an out of from Osman and Fellaini. How many games left for us we can't be sure but he's worth enjoying as he's a player. You can sense he's on his way out too by the behaviour of fellow blues towards him. Last week Fellaini statistically had a very good game. But this isn’t American Football and he does have the appearance and urgency of the giant black crow on the Kia Ora advert so lets crucify him as he might be sold and it will make us feel better when 1979 borstal pin up boy James McCarthy starts doing loads of ten yard passes and then cleverly moving to the other side of the opposition player to receive it. OPTA cashback.
Defence will remain the same too with Jagielka and Distin passing more. Baines has had a quiet pre season and start to the season by his standards but is still a fine footballer that I hope we keep. Coleman on the other side is blossoming isn't he? All that hard work himself and the Everton coaching team have put in is coming to fruition and he's super to watch. Howard will start in goal.
So enjoy your Saturday ritual if you are lucky enough to be in proximity of Goodison with a ticket going through all the things I mentioned at the beginning. There'll be some point in the season where Everton will let you down again and question why you do it, but this weekend you know exactly why; absence does make the heart grow fonder.
If were after a promising start to a new era then you got to take your chances and swerve the post match hard luck stories. This game presents us with that opportunity to make it count, over to you Everton.
A team's home ground is always special to it's fans as it's eschewed with memories of being an awe struck lid going there with people important to you usually, and getting to love the wee things that make it what it is. In a misplaced show of oneupmanship I'm convinced that our little corner Walton is that wee bit more special than most though. In an age of out of town bowl stadiums reeking of supposed corporate nasties, we've got something which has been lived in, trodden over and evolved over 100 years. It's still the most arl arse ground in the country, not in the sense of being old but being cynical and hostile and full of the wonderful learned behaviours passed on from those before us.
Meant to writing a preview here so we'll move on from statements of the obvious, but we'll first have a look back at the preceding first game of this shiny new season.
Should have won that Norwich game but it wasn't to be. A combination of many things but primarily poor luck and clinical Norwich finishing denied us a deserved further two points. Loads of positives to take from it but at this early stage of a Martinez led Everton it's as futile as studying tea leaves in pointers for our medium and long term future. It will be a while before his team takes shape, he played eleven players of the ex manager on Saturday and for the most part to his credit, they played some ace footie. For long stretches you'd have though they were the under the cosh away team, which made Hughton's post match comments about deserving a point as believable as two celtic girls coming back from Peru with eleven kilos of marching powder stashed in their cases.
On that note though, there’s only way route towards a non guilty verdict and that’s by invoking der power of der werld’s greatest criminal laywers: der Kop. If I was them girls defence teams now I’d be getting their dars to claim they are season ticket holders at Anfield. The subsequent banners and campaign for clemency will have the Peruvians clambering for a not guilty verdict. Who’s the current Home Secretary? Expect ten thousand emails if it happens.
West Brom will be tougher challenge even if we are at home. They're smarting from a one nil defeat last week and will be wanting to get their season on track. If you're looking for a tactical breakdown and acute analysis of where their threats are likely to be then you're reading the wrong preview. I'd recommend the truly excellent Executioner's Bong site for that though, so save yourself the predictable forthcoming rude words about the opposition.
I don't mind West Brom, they've got a bit about them and try to go about togger in the right way. It's just the standard behaviour from their Boing Boing following that rankles a bit sometimes.
It’s the involuntary bell behaviour that they’re capable of. There you are having a pleasant evening in your three star plus late booking Portuguese hotel, warming to Harry & Wendy when he’s took the customary free shot and poured it in his eye. The [Poor language removed]? But that’s prevalent in small insular places in the UK. Everything, including the people are just shades of grey, so being a bell gives you an audience and your moment on stage. You the man.
They have absolutely no awareness of it though, so if you asked them why they just done the bell behaviour they can’t answer it. Like that Spanish train driver who decided to Schumacher that tight bend a couple of weeks ago. The loon has absolutely no idea why he done it and attested to that when the authorities asked him. See also Beattie butting that Chelsea defender on his debut. Some lids just get too excited and combined with the presence of the bell gene, well, mad stuff just happens.
The whole Midlands is as weird as it comes and puts forward a strong case for the absence of sea air f*cking up an entire community. The land where grade 15 sidebearns are seen as a male sign of virility and a souped up Fiesta XR2i is more potent than rohypnol and dark alleys for getting your end away. Their away fans are going to look like they’ve been bussed in for a fracking demonstration, they’ll smell like it too.
For me personally WBA have always been my pick of teams around that area. We’ve covered the nuances of (the) Villa who are the pinnacle of bells. Wolves aren’t far behind, like a snide version of Villa with smelly tw*ts covering in Mam and Dad tattoos thinking they’re MMA’s latest goldenchild in their home town but meekly keeping in the shadows once out of their postcodes. Well, WBA has less of that, or maybe I’ve just been fortunate to know a few decent lids from there. They done us in the FA Cup nearly fifty years ago but its sound now. They also bravely gave modern football its Rosa Parks moment when they fielded three boss black players. The gallous of them! Ron Atkinson, the racist old [Poor language removed], sort of detracted from that a bit later, but he’s of this parish and not theirs so let that be a stain on us. The watermelon headed jarg tanned arl perve.
Steve Clarke enjoyed a very decent first season. Despite looking like a smackhead Thunderbird he knows how to put out a strong and footballing team. Last seasons defeat in the away game was one of the few where a team pulled Everton’s pants down without any resistance. They did have an average second half of season so they’ll be hoping to get off well on the front foot again this year.
Giant striker Lukaku is going to be a big miss for them this season as he's recalled to the mothership Chelsea where he'll benefit from Moutinho's fondness for a big athletic lump up front. King of the Kenwynne Jones if you will.
They do have the affable little Shane Long up there though and he's good at slotting as has been proven in past tustles with his teams. When he hits a run of form he's a wee bit underrated truth be told. He'll be joined by jet heeled (boss tabloid phrase that) Vydra who scored a truck load of goals in the Championship last year, or by an increasingly passive Nicholas Anelka, who was boss in the nineties. Either way against our high defence it could be a pain.
Yacob is the hub of their midfield in a way similar to how Gibson influences ours, he's always there breaking things up and distributing the ball well. He'll probably be joined by Morrison, Mulumbu and Dorrans. Olsson and Ridgewell will play central defence and let's be honest you're sat there thinking "we'll togger these out of town easy" so are you even arsed who the full backs are? Neither am I.
They're gonna play tight in the middle and keep compact and look to hit us on the break when one of our centre halves criminally over plays it. There's gonna be loads of this at Goodison this season so we best get used to it.
Can't see too many changes to the team that started against Norwich for us, the game is coming at least a game too soon for Gibson so expect more of the same.
That same will involve Jelavic up front looking to benefit from a more forward thinking trio behind him of Pienaar, Mirallas and Ross dead boss Barkley. Would dearly love for a couple of early goals in the season for Jelavic, he needs a kickstart or you can see Kone lining up before too long in his position with Jelavic grimacing on the bench and hoping for the Bundesliga in January. He can still slot and I'd like that in royal blue if possible.
When Barkley gets Premier League tasty, and it’s just around the corner, he’s going to do absolutely ghastly things to opposition defences. I’m talking over exaggerated arm movements, yes I’ve seen that Ross you absolute cad. Jinks, shimmies and through balls with all the delicate pace of an E type Jaguar rolling confidently in neutral over a crushed stone driveway towards a boss house in Freshfields or Woolton. Effortless too. I know this is Everton and he’ll end up getting sold to Blackpool eventually for a nominal fee but if it all comes together then we have a serious player that the Daily Mail is going to try and personally sell themselves to Man Utd or Chelsea. Not only a tremendous first goal for EFC last week but an overall performance of great composure and nasty attacking intent. Go Ross.
In the middle were going to have an out of from Osman and Fellaini. How many games left for us we can't be sure but he's worth enjoying as he's a player. You can sense he's on his way out too by the behaviour of fellow blues towards him. Last week Fellaini statistically had a very good game. But this isn’t American Football and he does have the appearance and urgency of the giant black crow on the Kia Ora advert so lets crucify him as he might be sold and it will make us feel better when 1979 borstal pin up boy James McCarthy starts doing loads of ten yard passes and then cleverly moving to the other side of the opposition player to receive it. OPTA cashback.
Defence will remain the same too with Jagielka and Distin passing more. Baines has had a quiet pre season and start to the season by his standards but is still a fine footballer that I hope we keep. Coleman on the other side is blossoming isn't he? All that hard work himself and the Everton coaching team have put in is coming to fruition and he's super to watch. Howard will start in goal.
So enjoy your Saturday ritual if you are lucky enough to be in proximity of Goodison with a ticket going through all the things I mentioned at the beginning. There'll be some point in the season where Everton will let you down again and question why you do it, but this weekend you know exactly why; absence does make the heart grow fonder.
If were after a promising start to a new era then you got to take your chances and swerve the post match hard luck stories. This game presents us with that opportunity to make it count, over to you Everton.
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