For the GEEKS!

[monty]

> This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip
> any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all
> true!!!!
>
>
> =================================
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
>
>
>
>
> Female customer: A white one...
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ===============
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
> Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
> Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
> Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
> Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on
> my
> desk... sorry....
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
> screen.
> Customer: Your left or my left?
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
> Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
> Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
> Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
> Gates.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
> try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
> it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find
> it...
>
>
> ============== =
>
>
> Customer: I have problems printing in red...
> Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
> Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
> Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
> Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
> Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
> Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
> Customer:! OK
> Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
> Customer: Yes
> Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
> keyboard?
> Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital
> letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
> Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
>
>
> == =============
>
>
> Customer: can't get on the Internet.
> Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
> Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
> Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
> Customer: Five stars.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
> Customer: Netscape.
> Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
> Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
> computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: How may I help you?
> Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
> Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
> Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
> circle around it?
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
> printer.
>
> Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
> Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The
> man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer
> is
> working fine."
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> And last but not least...
>
> Tech support: "Okay Coyney, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Coyney: I don't have a P.
> Tech support: On your keyboard, Coyney.
Coyney: What do you mean?
> Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Coyney.
Coyney: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

I know the last one is true he told me

 

[Bundy]

I worked on a computer help desk for 7 months for doctors, they are even worse than the general public. Some days you would want to scream at them, because they had a degree in medicine they thought they were experts at computers, stupid !$#!$#@!!!ers

 

[coyney]

> This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip
> any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all
> true!!!!
>
>
> =================================
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
>
>
>
>
> Female customer: A white one...
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ===============
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
> Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
> Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
> Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
> Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on
> my
> desk... sorry....
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
> screen.
> Customer: Your left or my left?
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
> Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
> Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
> Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
> Gates.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
> try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
> it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find
> it...
>
>
> ============== =
>
>
> Customer: I have problems printing in red...
> Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
> Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
> Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
> Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
> Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
> Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
> Customer:! OK
> Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
> Customer: Yes
> Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
> keyboard?
> Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital
> letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
> Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
>
>
> == =============
>
>
> Customer: can't get on the Internet.
> Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
> Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
> Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
> Customer: Five stars.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
> Customer: Netscape.
> Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
> Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
> computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> Tech support: How may I help you?
> Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
> Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
> Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
> circle around it?
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
> printer.
>
> Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
> Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The
> man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer
> is
> working fine."
>
>
> ===============
>
>
> And last but not least...
>
> Tech support: "Okay Coyney, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Coyney: I don't have a P.
> Tech support: On your keyboard, Coyney.
Coyney: What do you mean?
> Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Coyney.
Coyney: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

I know the last one is true he told me

OHH do you need this holiday tell your mrs theres a drink in it for her if she leaves you there

 

[Nebbiolo]

Customer: can't get on the Internet.
> Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
> Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
> Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
> Customer: Five stars.


Haha. That one made me laugh.

 

[TX Bill]

All good ones Monty.

I had a friend of mine that would help people with computers and every so often he'd run into one of these.

When the person asked him what the problem was, he'd tell them that it was technical in nature and that they had an "I D 10 T" problem.

They'd say "what do I have?"

And he'd repeat it.

You have an "idiot" problem.

That would get them off the phone pretty quick.