NeroCeasar
Player Valuation: £6m
It hasn't quite been the same since harpoons were banned. Mind you I'd do anything for a puffin sandwich right now
Former Everton Centre Forward Duncan Ferguson steps into management.....
- Thread starter The Penalty Box Dancer
- Start date
If there's one thread to set aside 24 hours of not sleeping and non-stop reading it's definitely this one. Friendships were formed, relationships blossomed, unhappy marriages to at least 5 of our 7 wives occurred (thank the lord for Wednesday and Sunday) once we all piled in to @maccavennie's static caravan and got it towed to somewhere in the middle east - I can't quite recall where exactly it was.
Halcyon days they were Poon.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
Whatever happened to Wednesday wife? Still waiting for me at the bin Ali I guess after I did a Jordan and hightailed it back home.
Wasn't that in the Hamez splinter thread?
Not sure we had Wednesday wives at Fylde maybe @maccavennie or @Euan Hendo (RIP)
Will never forget the minute by minute promotion wins.
Halcyon days my friends.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
If any man had more wives than @maccavennie in those days I would be shocked. Surely it was a caravan of love.
And I always think of Heythornthwaite when someone with a grudge drinks a bottle of undiluted squash before sitting on someone else's chimney.
And I always think of Heythornthwaite when someone with a grudge drinks a bottle of undiluted squash before sitting on someone else's chimney.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
They did you proud with that song.
If it's undiluted squash and a chimney, then it's definitely got something to do with @JimmyJeffers .
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
As Joey the chimney sweep says, they're all dirty batstewards.
Dodgy Danny Rowe really turned his life around when he became a spiritual podcasting centrist it must be said.
Goes by Dalai Danny Rowe now, apparently.
I donated 20 to his patreon yet somehow 500 came out of my account. Still as dodgy as they come but we just laugh.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
Ahhh. The old Ditton monkey.
The Penalty Box Dancer
Player Valuation: £35m
Aston Villa vs Everton
26th April 2024
Everton can secure Premier League status for another season with a win against Aston Villa. Aston Villa were knocked out of the F.A Cup Semi-Final last week by Brentford and were beaten mid-week 3-2 by Liverpool who will win the league if Man Utd fail to beat Newcastle this afternoon. Everton stuck with the same side that beat Tottenham the week before. Aston Villa were forced into an early change on 6 minutes when N'Goma went down injured and Watkins came on. Aston Villa were in control, just as expected but their possession stats were not being converted into chances. Everton tried to get the ball forward with Roony and Beto but they ran into dead ends and at half-time could only show 2 shots on target. Konate got it wide to Roony on 52 minutes, he skipped the challenge from Lucas Digne but his shot from outside the box was easy enough for Martinez. Villa went with a long ball over the top to try and open this rigid Everton formation, Lemar took it down on the left and crossed in, Cheddira beat Godfrey to the header and struck the post, it came to Munoz who got his foot around it to curl it back into the net, 1-0 to Villa. Everton made their first change on 63 minutes, Okoronkwo came on for Roony. Garner came close for Everton as he cut in from the right side and had his shot turned away by Martinez. A few minutes later on 75 minutes, Vardy came on for Konate and Moleiro replaced Rodriguez in midfield. Villa looked to cut Everton open and Munox found Watkins on the right in space, he played it first time into the box Cheddira who dinked it over Pickford, offside surely? VAR took a look and Taylor confirmed the goal was offside. Okoronkwo took the ball from Vardy on the right, he played a lofted ball over the top, Moleiro was ahead of Atom, he went for goal from a tight angle and Beto was screaming for it in the middle, he should have squared it, A chance wasted. The game came to an end and that chance was crucial for Everton to grab a point in their fight for survival.
Duncan, unlucky today, Aston Villa just edged it.
DF: It was tight and we should have taken our golden chance at the end, decisions like that are make or break at this stage of the season and getting a point at Villa would have been a great result but we kept it tight defensively and have to turn those chances that we do create into goals.
Eight points clear, three games to go. Are you confident you can get a win to close the season and stay in the Premier League?
DF: Well, I would like us to do our job and not rely on the teams below to lose, we have to turn some of these defeats into victories and it won't be easy next week against Newcastle so it's important that we have a solid week in training and turn up next week ready.
Newcastle are trying to secure UEFA Conference League next season so they'll be going all out to win and in other news, Liverpool secured their 20th league title without playing. Newcastle beat Man Utd this afternoon.
DF: You know I don't have anything to say about that. I have my own job to do and I'm focused elsewhere so I don't have any interest in who the league champions are!
PLAYER RATINGS
Everton vs Newcastle United
3rd May 2025
Three games to go and points are still needed. Mourinho's Newcastle are chasing Europa Conference League football for next season but Everton had their own issues to address. Ferguson made changes and went with a back four bringing back in Mykolenko and Patterson, Beto led the line as the sole Striker and it will be interesting to see how Everton plan on getting the ball up the pitch for him. The weather conditions were poor in Liverpool and the rain pelted down, Newcastle got off to a quick start and won a corner in the first minute, Baldanzi put in a great ball and Pavlovic headed towards goal, Pickford got hold of it but the ball slipped out of his hands and went in, Newcastle with a great start and Everton already a goal down. A few minutes later Joelinton put a great ball through for Isak to slot into the bottom corner, too easy for Newcastle. Garner played a one-two with Roony and Roony came down the right side on 15 minutes, he used his skill to cut into the box and play a cut back to Rodriguez who slotted from close range to make it 2-1! Patterson brought the ball forward on 36 minutes, Roony pointing to where he wanted it ahead of him and he got it in space, he passed to Rodriguez inside the box, he went back to Pastterson and Patterson played a short pass to Garner who went for the bottom left corner and Pope pulled off a great save getting over to palm it out. It was a terrible start for Everton but they soon made up for it and got a goal back, they have to come out in the second half. Trailing at 2-1 with 25 minutes to go, Moleiro came on to the left wing replacing McNeil. Isak had a goal ruled out for offside but Everton need to work hard to get something from this game. Vardy finished his warm up and came on replacing Beto with around 10 minutes to go. Newcastle ran down the clock showing their class and Everton could only look on as they sprayed the ball around. Southampton were beaten by Brighton so Everton are safe from the drop. It's another disappointing season for Everton and with two games to go it would be nice to see them better last season's 41 points but they would need to win both of their remaining games against Stoke and Brighton.
PLAYER RATINGS
Stoke City vs Everton
10th May 2025
Stoke had to win to keep themselves in with any chance of survival. Sitting bottom of the table, 5 points behind Southampton with two games to go. An Everton win could see them move up the table to 13th after Brighton, Crystal Palace and Bournemouth all lost earlier in the day. Liverpool were crowned champions at Anfield this afternoon however Leeds took all three points in a 3-2 win. Everton moved the ball forward on 24 minutes, Rodriguez took it from Garner in the middle and played in Roony, Woodman got off his line and saved well. Everton's passing was a joy to witness and Rodriguez played in Roony once again down the right, he took the shot on his left foot and Woodman saved with his feet to push it out. Stoke's Marmol took the ball in the centre and played it down the left for Zaroury who had space to cut inside and beat Pickford at his near post making it 1-0 to Stoke, the fight for survival continues! Everton started well but their passing was misplaced as Stoke grew into the game, the second half got worse for Everton and changes were needed. Okoronkwo and Doucoure came on for Roony and Garner with 28 minutes to go. Tarkowski hit it forward for Okoronkwo to chase, he cut it back to Patterson and he passed to Doucoure inside the box who faked the shot and teed up Rodriguez to level! 8 minutes to go! A point is no good for Stoke and they came forward in numbers. Everton won the ball back in defence and Onana got it forward to Moleiro, he tried to find Patterson but Marmol intercepted and passed forward to Leonard, he found Tyrese Campbell and he won Stoke a corner on 92 minutes. The corner was cleared and Leonard took it down on the edge of the box, the Britannia urged him to shoot and his shot was just wide of the post. It ended as a draw and Stoke will be relegated to The Championship after their first season back.
Duncan Ferguson was interviewed after the game by Sky Sports Jamie Carragher:
Duncan, Jamie Carragher here, it's been another difficult season for Everton and tonight's result didn't quite go your way, where do you think it hasn't clicked this season?
DF: Hi Jamie, at times we've been unlucky and at other times we've been outplayed. I think we've been on the wrong end of a few bad refereeing decisions too which hasn't helped. I want things to improve here just as much as the players and supporters and we have a team here that are wiling to give it their all.
JC: I feel with Everton, it's a time thing and players will eventually click together. Looking at the squad, you've got some incredible talent like Roony Bardghji, Karim Konate and obviously Jarrad Branthwaite, do you think next season we will see more of them and things may be a bit different?
DF: They're new to the league and it takes time especially when you're learning a language and settling in at a young age. They've shown what they can offer and next season will be more of a showcase for them.
JC: Despite the league position, Beto has been scoring goals and brought something that Everton haven't seen since Lukaku. He's on 21 goals in the league, I think Osimhen will get the golden boot as he's on 24 but what a second season Beto's having.
DF: Beto has been that perfect Striker for us and most of his goals come from the six yard box which shows as a team we are getting the ball into the box. Again, it took him a season to settle in but with game time he has become a prolific Striker.
JC: What are your thoughts on tonight and next week it's the last game at Goodison, how does that feel?
DF: We looked good at times but we also looked terrible with some awful passing. The positives are that we got forward quickly, the negatives are we lacked ideas in the final third. The passing was sloppy and not up to standard and it almost cost us the game. I think we showed Stoke too much respect, they were fighting for everything they had left and were unlucky not to win. We have our last game next week at Goodison and it is going to be an emotional day for us all. It will be strange to say goodbye but we have a fantastic future ahead of us and the new stadium is incredible. Next week will mean a lot to us all.
PLAYER RATINGS
LEAGUE TABLE
26th April 2024
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Everton can secure Premier League status for another season with a win against Aston Villa. Aston Villa were knocked out of the F.A Cup Semi-Final last week by Brentford and were beaten mid-week 3-2 by Liverpool who will win the league if Man Utd fail to beat Newcastle this afternoon. Everton stuck with the same side that beat Tottenham the week before. Aston Villa were forced into an early change on 6 minutes when N'Goma went down injured and Watkins came on. Aston Villa were in control, just as expected but their possession stats were not being converted into chances. Everton tried to get the ball forward with Roony and Beto but they ran into dead ends and at half-time could only show 2 shots on target. Konate got it wide to Roony on 52 minutes, he skipped the challenge from Lucas Digne but his shot from outside the box was easy enough for Martinez. Villa went with a long ball over the top to try and open this rigid Everton formation, Lemar took it down on the left and crossed in, Cheddira beat Godfrey to the header and struck the post, it came to Munoz who got his foot around it to curl it back into the net, 1-0 to Villa. Everton made their first change on 63 minutes, Okoronkwo came on for Roony. Garner came close for Everton as he cut in from the right side and had his shot turned away by Martinez. A few minutes later on 75 minutes, Vardy came on for Konate and Moleiro replaced Rodriguez in midfield. Villa looked to cut Everton open and Munox found Watkins on the right in space, he played it first time into the box Cheddira who dinked it over Pickford, offside surely? VAR took a look and Taylor confirmed the goal was offside. Okoronkwo took the ball from Vardy on the right, he played a lofted ball over the top, Moleiro was ahead of Atom, he went for goal from a tight angle and Beto was screaming for it in the middle, he should have squared it, A chance wasted. The game came to an end and that chance was crucial for Everton to grab a point in their fight for survival.
Duncan, unlucky today, Aston Villa just edged it.
DF: It was tight and we should have taken our golden chance at the end, decisions like that are make or break at this stage of the season and getting a point at Villa would have been a great result but we kept it tight defensively and have to turn those chances that we do create into goals.
Eight points clear, three games to go. Are you confident you can get a win to close the season and stay in the Premier League?
DF: Well, I would like us to do our job and not rely on the teams below to lose, we have to turn some of these defeats into victories and it won't be easy next week against Newcastle so it's important that we have a solid week in training and turn up next week ready.
Newcastle are trying to secure UEFA Conference League next season so they'll be going all out to win and in other news, Liverpool secured their 20th league title without playing. Newcastle beat Man Utd this afternoon.
DF: You know I don't have anything to say about that. I have my own job to do and I'm focused elsewhere so I don't have any interest in who the league champions are!
PLAYER RATINGS
Everton vs Newcastle United
3rd May 2025
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Three games to go and points are still needed. Mourinho's Newcastle are chasing Europa Conference League football for next season but Everton had their own issues to address. Ferguson made changes and went with a back four bringing back in Mykolenko and Patterson, Beto led the line as the sole Striker and it will be interesting to see how Everton plan on getting the ball up the pitch for him. The weather conditions were poor in Liverpool and the rain pelted down, Newcastle got off to a quick start and won a corner in the first minute, Baldanzi put in a great ball and Pavlovic headed towards goal, Pickford got hold of it but the ball slipped out of his hands and went in, Newcastle with a great start and Everton already a goal down. A few minutes later Joelinton put a great ball through for Isak to slot into the bottom corner, too easy for Newcastle. Garner played a one-two with Roony and Roony came down the right side on 15 minutes, he used his skill to cut into the box and play a cut back to Rodriguez who slotted from close range to make it 2-1! Patterson brought the ball forward on 36 minutes, Roony pointing to where he wanted it ahead of him and he got it in space, he passed to Rodriguez inside the box, he went back to Pastterson and Patterson played a short pass to Garner who went for the bottom left corner and Pope pulled off a great save getting over to palm it out. It was a terrible start for Everton but they soon made up for it and got a goal back, they have to come out in the second half. Trailing at 2-1 with 25 minutes to go, Moleiro came on to the left wing replacing McNeil. Isak had a goal ruled out for offside but Everton need to work hard to get something from this game. Vardy finished his warm up and came on replacing Beto with around 10 minutes to go. Newcastle ran down the clock showing their class and Everton could only look on as they sprayed the ball around. Southampton were beaten by Brighton so Everton are safe from the drop. It's another disappointing season for Everton and with two games to go it would be nice to see them better last season's 41 points but they would need to win both of their remaining games against Stoke and Brighton.
PLAYER RATINGS
Stoke City vs Everton
10th May 2025
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Stoke had to win to keep themselves in with any chance of survival. Sitting bottom of the table, 5 points behind Southampton with two games to go. An Everton win could see them move up the table to 13th after Brighton, Crystal Palace and Bournemouth all lost earlier in the day. Liverpool were crowned champions at Anfield this afternoon however Leeds took all three points in a 3-2 win. Everton moved the ball forward on 24 minutes, Rodriguez took it from Garner in the middle and played in Roony, Woodman got off his line and saved well. Everton's passing was a joy to witness and Rodriguez played in Roony once again down the right, he took the shot on his left foot and Woodman saved with his feet to push it out. Stoke's Marmol took the ball in the centre and played it down the left for Zaroury who had space to cut inside and beat Pickford at his near post making it 1-0 to Stoke, the fight for survival continues! Everton started well but their passing was misplaced as Stoke grew into the game, the second half got worse for Everton and changes were needed. Okoronkwo and Doucoure came on for Roony and Garner with 28 minutes to go. Tarkowski hit it forward for Okoronkwo to chase, he cut it back to Patterson and he passed to Doucoure inside the box who faked the shot and teed up Rodriguez to level! 8 minutes to go! A point is no good for Stoke and they came forward in numbers. Everton won the ball back in defence and Onana got it forward to Moleiro, he tried to find Patterson but Marmol intercepted and passed forward to Leonard, he found Tyrese Campbell and he won Stoke a corner on 92 minutes. The corner was cleared and Leonard took it down on the edge of the box, the Britannia urged him to shoot and his shot was just wide of the post. It ended as a draw and Stoke will be relegated to The Championship after their first season back.
Duncan Ferguson was interviewed after the game by Sky Sports Jamie Carragher:
Duncan, Jamie Carragher here, it's been another difficult season for Everton and tonight's result didn't quite go your way, where do you think it hasn't clicked this season?
DF: Hi Jamie, at times we've been unlucky and at other times we've been outplayed. I think we've been on the wrong end of a few bad refereeing decisions too which hasn't helped. I want things to improve here just as much as the players and supporters and we have a team here that are wiling to give it their all.
JC: I feel with Everton, it's a time thing and players will eventually click together. Looking at the squad, you've got some incredible talent like Roony Bardghji, Karim Konate and obviously Jarrad Branthwaite, do you think next season we will see more of them and things may be a bit different?
DF: They're new to the league and it takes time especially when you're learning a language and settling in at a young age. They've shown what they can offer and next season will be more of a showcase for them.
JC: Despite the league position, Beto has been scoring goals and brought something that Everton haven't seen since Lukaku. He's on 21 goals in the league, I think Osimhen will get the golden boot as he's on 24 but what a second season Beto's having.
DF: Beto has been that perfect Striker for us and most of his goals come from the six yard box which shows as a team we are getting the ball into the box. Again, it took him a season to settle in but with game time he has become a prolific Striker.
JC: What are your thoughts on tonight and next week it's the last game at Goodison, how does that feel?
DF: We looked good at times but we also looked terrible with some awful passing. The positives are that we got forward quickly, the negatives are we lacked ideas in the final third. The passing was sloppy and not up to standard and it almost cost us the game. I think we showed Stoke too much respect, they were fighting for everything they had left and were unlucky not to win. We have our last game next week at Goodison and it is going to be an emotional day for us all. It will be strange to say goodbye but we have a fantastic future ahead of us and the new stadium is incredible. Next week will mean a lot to us all.
PLAYER RATINGS
LEAGUE TABLE