Good Husband Points System

[TX Bill]

This was in the movie thread but felt it warranted it's own due to the helpful nature of the post. I was initially responding to Basil's post about going to watch Mamma Mia with his wife in the thread:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basil Fawlty
Snow Buddies with the kids, was alright. Watching Mamma Mia with the missus tonight


That should be worth about 15 points right there.

Below is a helpful guide for you in accumulating points with the wife.


Simple Duties:
You make the bed .................................................+ 1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.........0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.......................-1
You leave the toilet seat up......................................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty .................0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.......-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...............-2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
In the snow.............................................. ..+8
But return with beer ......................................-5

You check out a suspicious noise at night...................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing ..........0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something .......+5
You pummel it with a six iron.............................+10
It's her pet..............................................-10

Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party.......................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college drinking buddy.................................... -2
Named Tiffany........................................... ...-4
Tiffany is a dancer........................................-6
Tiffany has implants ......................................-8

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner..................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar...................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.............................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team ..............-10

A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal..........................................-5
The pal is happily married ................................-4
Or frighteningly single ...................................-7
And he drives a Mustang...................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ............-15

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie....................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes .........................+4
You take her to a movie you hate ..........................+6
You take her to a movie you like...........................-2
It's called DeathCop 3.....................................-3
Which features cyborgs that eat humans ....................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ....-15

Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly.........................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid
of it................................................ .....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..........................-30
You say "It doesn't matter, you have one too" ...........-800

The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?"...................................... .-35
Any other response........................................-20

Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression............ 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes......+5
You listen for over 30 minutes without looking at the TV...+100
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...........-20

 

[coyney]

This was in the movie thread but felt it warranted it's own due to the helpful nature of the post. I was initially responding to Basil's post about going to watch Mamma Mia with his wife in the thread:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basil Fawlty
Snow Buddies with the kids, was alright. Watching Mamma Mia with the missus tonight


That should be worth about 15 points right there.

Below is a helpful guide for you in accumulating points with the wife.


Simple Duties:
You make the bed .................................................+ 1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.........0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.......................-1
You leave the toilet seat up......................................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty .................0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.......-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...............-2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
In the snow.............................................. ..+8
But return with beer ......................................-5

You check out a suspicious noise at night...................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing ..........0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something .......+5
You pummel it with a six iron.............................+10
It's her pet..............................................-10

Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party.......................0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college drinking buddy.................................... -2
Named Tiffany........................................... ...-4
Tiffany is a dancer........................................-6
Tiffany has implants ......................................-8

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner..................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar...................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.............................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team ..............-10

A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal..........................................-5
The pal is happily married ................................-4
Or frighteningly single ...................................-7
And he drives a Mustang...................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ............-15

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie....................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes .........................+4
You take her to a movie you hate ..........................+6
You take her to a movie you like...........................-2
It's called DeathCop 3.....................................-3
Which features cyborgs that eat humans ....................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ....-15

Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly.........................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid
of it................................................ .....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..........................-30
You say "It doesn't matter, you have one too" ...........-800

The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?"...................................... .-35
Any other response........................................-20

Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression............ 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes......+5
You listen for over 30 minutes without looking at the TV...+100
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...........-20

Bill whats my points I do all the cooking .all the cleaning all the shopping as well as being on call 24/7 except during footy games when its strictly emergencies only I also do all the laundry and keep getting told where Im going wrong

 

[TX Bill]

You're off the charts mate.

(Except for maybe in the "parking the car" category.)

 

[coyney]

You're off the charts mate.

(Except for maybe in the "parking the car" category.)

Bill im still shaking I keep thinking if any kids had been hurt how could I have lived with that

 

[TX Bill]

Bill im still shaking I keep thinking if any kids had been hurt how could I have lived with that

It worked out. Good thing too. Fortunately there were no kids to be found so it's all good.

 

[coyney]

It worked out. Good thing too. Fortunately there were no kids to be found so it's all good.

my thoughts are now why wasn't Gerrard passing

 

[TX Bill]

my thoughts are now why wasn't Gerrard passing

...or the Liverpool team bus...


...loaded with fuel.

 

[Nebbiolo]

The physique thing is worrying me. When I met my wife, all those hundreds of years ago, I weighed in at 60 kilos. I was a skinny get, in a sort of boyish kind of way. I had a 28 inch waist and was every mothers idea of someone to "feed up". I'm up to 75 kilos now with 34 inch waist. All the weight seems to go right to the stomach. It's getting kind of big these days. No more chips, beer and wine I suppose

 

[TX Bill]

-10 for you Nebbiolo.

 

[coyney]

The physique thing is worrying me. When I met my wife, all those hundreds of years ago, I weighed in at 60 kilos. I was a skinny get, in a sort of boyish kind of way. I had a 28 inch waist and was every mothers idea of someone to "feed up". I'm up to 75 kilos now with 34 inch waist. All the weight seems to go right to the stomach. It's getting kind of big these days. No more chips, beer and wine I suppose

John think for a minute at the moment your Mrs has a rotund ugly hubby so if you lose weight she will have a ugly husband with wrinkles stay as you are

 

[Nebbiolo]

She's even started commenting on the old stomach. Fortunately, she says she likes it! It's really nice and cuddly, apparently! b)

 

[Vim Fuego]

[Poor language removed] all this point scoring,too much like hard work, i'm single and ecstaticly happy about the arrangement.

 

[coyney]

[Poor language removed] all this point scoring,too much like hard work, i'm single and ecstaticly happy about the arrangement.

Yes but when somthing goes wrong you cant blame anyone elsewhen I told a older chap at work I was getting married he shook his head and said why do you want to keep another mans daughter

 

[Jamo Martinez]

Football
I watch the derby -20 points
I swear at the telly -30 points
in front of the kids -40 points
and her mother -50 points
I'm not happy -60 points

Getting changed
She asks me if she looks alright, I lie. -10 points
She gets changed again and asks again. I lie again -20 points
She tries yet another set of clothes, asks again. Itell the truth -400 points.
She's not happy -500 points

 

[TX Bill]

Football
I watch the derby -20 points
I swear at the telly -30 points
in front of the kids -40 points
and her mother -50 points
I'm not happy -60 points

Getting changed
She asks me if she looks alright, I lie. -10 points
She gets changed again and asks again. I lie again -20 points
She tries yet another set of clothes, asks again. Itell the truth -400 points.
She's not happy -500 points

I think your scoring system looks a bit more realistic than the one I posted.