Hee Hee Hoo, Hee Hee Hoo...

[mezzrow]

I try to explain to other footy loving non-Evertonian friends what it has been like to watch Everton play lately, and why I don't seem to look forward to matches like I did in recent years. I've tried to describe the lack of forward thrust and purpose, the sensation of sitting there while the ball continuously seems to drift around, but only in the Everton penalty box, back and forth, alternating between head level and foot level, while blue shirts throw themselves into one another and into the ground trying to stop shot after shot after shot after shot after... Ooops, there goes another opposition break.

Let us embrace the power of metaphor.

In my country, there is an ad which condenses the Everton match experience into a brief metaphor. In recognition of their being able to illustrate our plight so accurately, we should start another chant when play takes the form it has shown so often recently. Our ginger friend will be representing yours truly and how I experience matchday. The young lady in the film will be playing the part of Mr. Martinez, and the midwife will be playing the part of our chairman. The razor blade is playing the part of Everton FC as currently expressed on the pitch.



How about a HEE, HEE, HOO; HEE, HEE, HOO from the Gwladys end. Or maybe we can find the dosh from the cheese on toast flyover for a HEE, HEE, HOO flyover. If our manager were to watch the ad below, he'd understand instantly how we feel.

Is this clear enough?

 

[Dan Tanner]

 

[magicjuan]

I get it. Sometimes you're that scared and pessimistic you want to slit your throat with a rusty blade, others the optimism rises and you want the fat one to jump in the bath and blow your bubbles....or something..

 

[MACCA75]

This reads like the maniacal ramblings of a madman. Was just waiting for the part where you start murdering prostitutes.

Would read again.

 

[Ashtonian]

I have to admit.....no idea what I just read.

 

[Eggs]

I have to admit.....no idea what I just read.

.....so glad you said that.

 

[JAYTALITY]

I thought it was about Santa's retarded cousin.

 

[JAYTALITY]

This reads like the maniacal ramblings of a madman. Was just waiting for the part where you start murdering prostitutes.

Would read again.

That's the Martinez effect.

 

[mezzrow]

Feel my pain.

 

[mezzrow]

This reads like the maniacal ramblings of a madman. Was just waiting for the part where you start murdering prostitutes.

Would read again.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I've nothing against the brass. They can sleep easy.

Am I a madman? Perhaps. I just saw the ad and noted how much his experience reminded me of watching the second half of the [fill in blank here] game. This is why I stay quiet on Evertonian subjects when things are like they currently are. Anyway...

Art or madness? I leave that to our gentle readership.

 

[Dymak]

I got it. We are persisting with an inferior option that evokes distress when we know the problem can be solved with a change in manager/razor. The bloke in the advert is doing it because he is a mingebag though, whereas I'm not too sure why Everton are doing it. I'm hoping it's because we think it will be better to make a change at the end of the season, and not because we are masochists with no ambition who enjoy being also-rans.

 

[Username]

Id be lying to deny im aroused by this.

 

[Groucho]

I thought it was about Santa's retarded cousin.

Please don't use that.