Rugby Toffee
Player Valuation: £60m
In these times of frustration , these may raise a smile , on the other hand they may not
Sailor (on radio): Hello coastguard my boat has just sunk.
Coastguard: Capsize?
Sailor: six and seven-eighths.
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Did you hear about the man who thought Bob Marley and the Wailers were the sailors who caught Moby Dick?
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What is at the back of a bee?
It's bee-hind.
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What is furry, white and smells of peppermint?
A polo bear.
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Irish stew in the name of the law
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I've got a bad stomach.
Well just keep your coat on and on one will notice.
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Old drinkers never die.
They just get plastered.
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."
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A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my guide dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a guide dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my guide dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as guide dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
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How many politicians does it take to change a light-bulb?
The government is well aware of the situation and will set up a committee to look into the possiblity of changing the light-bulb.
I will get my coat now..........
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Sailor (on radio): Hello coastguard my boat has just sunk.
Coastguard: Capsize?
Sailor: six and seven-eighths.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the man who thought Bob Marley and the Wailers were the sailors who caught Moby Dick?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is at the back of a bee?
It's bee-hind.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is furry, white and smells of peppermint?
A polo bear.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Irish stew in the name of the law
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've got a bad stomach.
Well just keep your coat on and on one will notice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Old drinkers never die.
They just get plastered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my guide dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a guide dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my guide dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as guide dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many politicians does it take to change a light-bulb?
The government is well aware of the situation and will set up a committee to look into the possiblity of changing the light-bulb.
I will get my coat now..........
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------