Modern parenting

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

My main fear for having a kid wasn't really that side, it was more us losing our individual identities as adults and morph into adults who walks around John Lewis in jeans and a brown shoe, and gf going for keeping up coffee wheres your lie about your your perfect kid, and going to a BBQ wearing a polo top and listening to The New Radicals

Luckily, we've both been pretty good at keeping the same interests, dressing the same etc to the point where people are surprised either of us are parents when they find out which is what we hoped for all along

You've just described my marriage.

Should I be concerned?

 

[coollino]

…not sure there’s ’modern day parenting’, it’s just parenting. Looking at both my kids, Mrs Eggs and I were really good at parenting, without doubt the best we ever did.

There is a massive difference. The world is a very different place to that of even 20 years ago

 

[Goat]

The prospect of parenthood terrifies me, no idea how folk cope.

Couple of more senior colleagues (male and female) at work have at least 2 kids and they (and partners) work full time. They both look constantly exhausted. That's with flexible hours to work around the kids. But I guess that also leads to picking stuff up in the evening. Pretty sure they'd all like to drop hours, but can't due to mortgage costs etc.

We are very lucky that we have an old mortgage, seeing how much rent the kids pay now, theres no way we could do it these days.

The current cost of living crisis did make everything creak that much more, but you endure, as I say, we were blessed with superb parents who kept the lights on at times.

Same but we’ve 2.

It’s tough sometimes.

Luckily both our parents are retired and incredibly supportive. They’re 9 and 13 now (she’s a typical teenager and he’s football crazy) but when they were younger I don’t know how we would’ve managed without their help.

Good parents are just the best.

We take them for granted, I read a lot of Reddit and the parent horror stories you read on there.

I am not a super parent, we did our best, but some people dont even give 1%.

Its exhausting, every waking second is consumed with worry, the only time I truly rest is when I can see all 3 and my Grandchild and know that they are safe, which is rare now that they have grown.

 

[coollino]

You've just described my marriage.

Should I be concerned?

Ahahaha, and probably why we're also not married tbh

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

Ahahaha, and probably why we're also not married tbh

Na, not really. There's no kid and it's ikea.

 

[COYBL25]

I dont even remember how we used to do it, but at some point me and the wife worked while we had 3 young children.

The place I worked at closed down and we decided I would become a stay at home parent.

We made 1 wage work and now the children are grown up I care for my Grandchild while my daughter works.

Trying to get back into work, but not having much luck after such a long absence, we are lucky that we have very supportive parents, fiscally.

My mother has never got her head around it and would always have a go over me staying at home while my in laws have never once said a word regarding it.

Similar here, but I had to pack in to become a carer for my little fella who is disabled.

Lost one wage overnight and income dropped by over 50% and that’s with carers allowance and disability living allowance.

Got zero help from both sets of grandparents- too wrapped up In themselves.

You just adapt and cope.

Made us realise how much “ stuff “ you really don’t need - clothes, flash holidays, cars etc.

The flip side is that there’s always somewhere there for both of the kids 24/7 and the kids grow up with a dad who’s always around for them, rather than in work.

 

[Goat]

Similar here, but I had to pack in to become a carer for my little fella who is disabled.

Lost one wage overnight and income dropped by over 50% and that’s with carers allowance and disability living allowance.

You just adapt and cope.

Made us realise how much “ stuff “ you really don’t need - clothes, flash holidays, cars etc.

The flip side is that there’s always somewhere there for both of the kids 24/7 and the kids grow up with a dad who’s always around for them, rather than in work.

When times were tough, we would remind ourselves about everything we had and didnt care about the things we didnt have or didnt need.

We were and remain blessed, a house, food and a loving family, thats ALL you need in life, everything else is just filler.

 

[COYBL25]

When times were tough, we would remind ourselves about everything we had and didnt care about the things we didnt have or didnt need.

We were and remain blessed, a house, food and a loving family, thats ALL you need in life, everything else is just filler.

You’re right mate and I think it makes you a better person for it too.

 

[Groucho]

I am not a super parent, we did our best,

I don’t think any of us think we are mate. Almost like imposter syndrome. However to have imposter syndrome implies that in actual fact, a good job was done by all.

In fact, if you show me someone who blows their own trumpet at parenting, I’ll show you a lying get.

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

We are very lucky that we have an old mortgage, seeing how much rent the kids pay now, theres no way we could do it these days.

The current cost of living crisis did make everything creak that much more, but you endure, as I say, we were blessed with superb parents who kept the lights on at times.

Good parents are just the best.

We take them for granted, I read a lot of Reddit and the parent horror stories you read on there.

I am not a super parent, we did our best, but some people dont even give 1%.

Its exhausting, every waking second is consumed with worry, the only time I truly rest is when I can see all 3 and my Grandchild and know that they are safe, which is rare now that they have grown.

Yes, that's all the sort of stuff that scares me. My Dad used to do my nut in when I was a teenager and even I'm my 20s and not at home. He'd be ringing and pestering to see if was alright, ringing friends parents or staying up late until I got home (even if just visiting and not living there). Now I'm older I realise that's the parents lot. Can't imagine that fear all the time lol.

The cost thing is also a fear, especially now. I grew up in a mostly workless household (redundancies, industries dying) and saw the stress it caused. That never leaves me and I'd hate to be in or put a child through that. Irrational and in my head? Totally, but it's there.

Having said all that, my oldest friends who are parents are tired and do have bumps, but, they are all also incredibly happy and more rounded people for it.

 

[Groucho]

We are very lucky that we have an old mortgage, seeing how much rent the kids pay now, theres no way we could do it these days.

Oh and this, this and this again.

I have no actual idea how the current young ‘uns will do it. I’m seriously considering a loft conversion come next mortgage term renewal in case one of them has to remain at home for a bit. They’re already eyeing up Liverpool Uni so they don’t have the extra cost of moving away. She wants to be a teacher, him an aerospace engineer (don’t ask, when I was 9 I just wanted to be Neville Southall ).

 

[JamesEFC]

My wife was very carer focussed, and had built her way quite high up in the NHS. She was adamant when pregnant she would get back to it.

Having our little one changed that, and she was desperate to spend more time at home with her, not necessarily being a “house wife” but just part time and some precious days with our little girl was what she wanted.

However she’s had to go back again full time for financial reasons. We both have decent pay but nursery costs are like a second mortgage.

Luckily I have 4 weeks until number two arrives to win the lottery…

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Eldest is 13, I still haven’t a clue what I’m doing and wing it daily.

Anyone who says otherwise is lying to you.

A big annoyance of mine is when I hear “I’m ready for children”. Are you? Mine are 13 & 9 and I’m still not ready. I love them to bits but I haven’t got a clue.

You don’t really know what it’s like until they’re there.
Think there is a lack of honesty from a lot of parents as to just how hard it can be at times. It’s meant to be all magical but would honestly work the most insanely stressful shift at work imaginable than have a baby that won’t settle for 3 hours at 2 in the morning.

 

[Groucho]

You don’t really know what it’s like until they’re there.
Think there is a lack of honesty from a lot of parents as to just how hard it can be at times. It’s meant to be all magical but would honestly work the most insanely stressful shift at work imaginable than have a baby that won’t settle for 3 hours at 2 in the morning.

Yeah. Two separate unnamed in-laws of mine simply will not accept there is no Haynes Manual for kids. EVERYTHING MUST GO TO PLAN.

What plan that is, I really don’t know. I’ve given up trying to explain this.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Yeah. Two separate unnamed in-laws of mine simply will not accept there is no Haynes Manual for kids. EVERYTHING MUST GO TO PLAN.

What plan that is, I really don’t know. I’ve given up trying to explain this.

There’s so many social media accounts giving all this mad information and guidance but there is a lack of understanding that parents have to watch their mental health and well-being as well otherwise it can all go bad.

People need to know it’s ok to not do things the way everyone thinks they should be done and to not beat yourself up because of it.