Jamo Martinez
Player Valuation: £70m
Ok, so on Saturday 18th of July, my mate, lad from Bilbao, tells me we've got a match that evening at 8.00pm. 'Old Glories' versus 'young promises'. I didn't have to ask him which team I was in.
I hadn't kicked a ball in anger for about 7 years (in-growing toenails), but I thought it might be fun. Now, we're talking 5-a-side here. My mate Tino is a 44 year old smoker like myself, but the other lads are mid thirties and play fairly regularly. The opposition are 15 to 18 year olds and as you can imagine, full of it.
I get there 20 minutes early and there's another game in progress. Turns out I know one of the lads who's playing and he asks me to take his place. I figure it's a good way to warm up before the 'main event'. 10 minutes later, I'm completely shagged but fortunately the rest of the lads turn up. Guess who volunteers for goalkeeping duty. Now one thing you may not have deduced from the above is that I'm the most versatile player in the world. I'm equally crap in any position on the pitch. However this was to be my night. My reflexes have waned (and they were never exactly cat like) but some how, my positioning was flawless. Now I didn't keep a clean sheet (who does in 5-a-side?), but virtually everything seemed to hit my legs, arms, chest and, in the case of one young lad with a Milan shirt adorned with the name Shevchenko, my frigging ribs. It didn't hurt much at the time, but Jeeezus, has it been hurting since.
I've been on pain killers, anti-inflammatory tablets and some [Poor language removed] to protect my stomach (as the last thing I need is an ulcer) since last Tuesday.
I've decided to retire from footie and, it should be mentioned, on a winning note. As a wise man once said, You can't win nothing with kids.
I hadn't kicked a ball in anger for about 7 years (in-growing toenails), but I thought it might be fun. Now, we're talking 5-a-side here. My mate Tino is a 44 year old smoker like myself, but the other lads are mid thirties and play fairly regularly. The opposition are 15 to 18 year olds and as you can imagine, full of it.
I get there 20 minutes early and there's another game in progress. Turns out I know one of the lads who's playing and he asks me to take his place. I figure it's a good way to warm up before the 'main event'. 10 minutes later, I'm completely shagged but fortunately the rest of the lads turn up. Guess who volunteers for goalkeeping duty. Now one thing you may not have deduced from the above is that I'm the most versatile player in the world. I'm equally crap in any position on the pitch. However this was to be my night. My reflexes have waned (and they were never exactly cat like) but some how, my positioning was flawless. Now I didn't keep a clean sheet (who does in 5-a-side?), but virtually everything seemed to hit my legs, arms, chest and, in the case of one young lad with a Milan shirt adorned with the name Shevchenko, my frigging ribs. It didn't hurt much at the time, but Jeeezus, has it been hurting since.
I've been on pain killers, anti-inflammatory tablets and some [Poor language removed] to protect my stomach (as the last thing I need is an ulcer) since last Tuesday.
I've decided to retire from footie and, it should be mentioned, on a winning note. As a wise man once said, You can't win nothing with kids.
