halo
Player Valuation: £950k
ok its been a real long time since i posted - but had this through the other day and just had to share it - made me laugh so much!!!
HAIR REMOVAL .... (As told to me by a woman)
All hair removal methods have tricked women with
their promises of easy, painless removal -
The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
wax.
Read on......
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come
home, fix dinner, play with the kids.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours:
'Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the
medicine cabinet.'
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those 'cold wax' kits.
No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the
strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
peel them apart and press them to your leg (or
wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically
inclined enough to figure this out. (you THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips
facing each other stuck together.
Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in
so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000
degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip
across my thigh.
Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and
maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north.
After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the
bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip
across the right side of my bikini line, covering
the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to
the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)
I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!!
Blinded from pain!!!!....
OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to
pull off half the strip. rubbish!
Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning
and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must
stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe............
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy -
a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so
much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over
body hair.
I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on
the toilet.
I see the hair.
The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!
I touch.
I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted
hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot
is still propped upon the toilet?
I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut!
My butt is sealed shut.
Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure
out what to do and think to myself
'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head
may pop off!'
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and
the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub -
The water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical
equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether
regions glued together,
is having them glued together and then glued to the
bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though
I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months
ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed
before and has some secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt
and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the
tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
tricks for removal but she does try to hide her
laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,
'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the
number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to
trying to scrape the wax off with a razor .
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie
goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the
tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the
sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a
major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally
see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to
remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the
dickens out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!
the remainder of the wax and
then notice to my grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE........ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts.
> >>
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
> >>
Next week I'm going to try hair colour......
HAIR REMOVAL .... (As told to me by a woman)
All hair removal methods have tricked women with
their promises of easy, painless removal -
The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
wax.
Read on......
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come
home, fix dinner, play with the kids.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours:
'Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the
medicine cabinet.'
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those 'cold wax' kits.
No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the
strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
peel them apart and press them to your leg (or
wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically
inclined enough to figure this out. (you THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips
facing each other stuck together.
Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in
so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000
degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip
across my thigh.
Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and
maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north.
After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the
bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip
across the right side of my bikini line, covering
the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to
the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)
I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!!
Blinded from pain!!!!....
OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to
pull off half the strip. rubbish!
Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning
and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must
stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe............
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy -
a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so
much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over
body hair.
I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on
the toilet.
I see the hair.
The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!
I touch.
I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted
hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot
is still propped upon the toilet?
I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut!
My butt is sealed shut.
Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure
out what to do and think to myself
'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head
may pop off!'
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and
the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub -
The water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical
equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether
regions glued together,
is having them glued together and then glued to the
bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though
I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months
ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed
before and has some secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt
and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the
tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
tricks for removal but she does try to hide her
laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,
'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the
number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to
trying to scrape the wax off with a razor .
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie
goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the
tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the
sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a
major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally
see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to
remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the
dickens out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!
the remainder of the wax and
then notice to my grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE........ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts.
> >>
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
> >>
Next week I'm going to try hair colour......
