Chang Elephant
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The Early Days
Born 30th May 1980 in the small market town of Whiston, Lancashire
A carefree Steven laughs during his fourth birthday party
One year later, Steven now male following gender reassignment surgery, poses proudly in his Everton shirt with trophies at Goodison. Fifteen years later, fans of LFC are relieved to learn that Steven had been "forced" to wear this shirt and was not actually a turncoat like their other heroes.
In his first Derby game, young Steven is sent on late as Liverpool are being beaten by a morally superior Everton side, and is near immediately sent off for tackling Kevin Campbell at waist height. This is a career defining moment as Steven learns the hard way that in England such actions should not be undertaken without prior agreement of the referee.
Family Life
Despite his father's worries that his son might be a lifelong bachelor, Steven lands the catch that had eluded all other red blooded males on Merseyside, the previously unblemished Alex Curran. Children (all his) and boutique shopping naturally follow.
Jealousy of the couples dazzling intellect and beauty inevitably rears it's head amongst the workshy communist proletariat of Merseyside aka Evertonians. This leads to problems and Alex is arrested when a bottle collides with the head of a proletariat female.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-400143/Gerrards-WAG-arrested-bottle-attack.html
"Gerrard's WAG arrested over bottle attack"
"My mate stood up and started screaming for them to stop fighting and one of the blokes came over to her and was really abusive. He was swearing and ranting and knocked her bag off the table. A couple of seconds later someone came over and shoved a bottle in her face."
A spokeswoman for Merseyside Police said: "We arrested a 23-year-old woman, from Formby, on suspicion of assault".
Much more worryingly, a completely random individual that had definitely never met Steven or Alex before, starts visiting the LFC training ground issuing threats against the family.
http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/...ion-at-liverpool-training-ground-8816655.html
"Crazed fan threatens to 'kill' Steven Gerrard and his children"
"the national skipper could take no more when the abuser shouted: “I know where you live ya p****... I'll burn your f****** house down.”Gerrard had to be held back by Reds’ assistant manager Colin Pascoe"
Off Field Problems
For world famous icons such Steven, fame does not come without problems.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1564838/Steven-Gerrards-Bentley-collides-with-boy.html
Steven Gerrard's Bentley collides with boy
After initially blaming the Bentley, the media witchunt grows with later clarification that "Locals said that Gerrard was at the wheel"
Nights out are problematic as DJ's object to Steven's choice of music and collide with his elbow
Even friends turn randomly Evertonian and start fighting in the street with Steven.
http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/steven-gerrard-threw-first-punch-8181931
"Steven Gerrard 'threw the first punch' claims man"
Asked what the CCTV showed, the 35-year-old said: “It showed me on my own getting assaulted by 12 people, with Steven Gerrard being the aggressor and throwing the first punch." “All his friends thought it was right to kick and punch me for four minutes.”The court had been told on Wednesday that Gerrard had acted as peacemaker in the fracas and was trying to calm the situation.
Contact with the Liverpool underworld is inevitable as Steven is pestered by George Bromley jr for autographs. The Gerrard family brings in respected peacemaker/armed robber, John Kinsella to calm the situation.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ed-underworld-fixer-warn-Psycho-gangster.html
"We were at our wits' end when we were introduced by a family friend to John Kinsella. I told him about the ongoing threats and violence. John then reassured me and my family he would resolve our nightmare.From that time until this day, we have never had any more problems from the Liverpool underworld. Steven and I have total respect for John for what he did for us. Yours faithfully, Paul Gerrard."
On The Field
Learning from earlier mistakes, Steven and referees begin a period of dominance. Here Steven pulls out from his intended tackle and action from the ref is avoided.
Other lesser teams and managers are envious that he decides what offences should be punished by red cards.
http://www.express.co.uk/sport/othersport/22751/Everton-boss-moyes-won-t-accept-ref-s-apology
Everton boss moyes won’t accept ref’s apology
"The ref brought out a yellow card first and Gerrard told him it should be red".
Steven bravely tries to bring an end to the "foreign disease"of diving in the English Game:
The Step Up to Chelsea
Steven is ambitious and plans to wave farewell to LFC
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/l/liverpool/4653041.stm
I want to leave Anfield - Gerrard
Steven changes his mind after threats and shirt burning by Evertonians
England Career
At the end of a glittering career of Hollywood balls sprayed 45 yards to no effect, Steven wins nothing. Other than the thanks of his friend Luis Suarez for his back headed assist.
The Sip
Liverpool FC fans celebrate winning the title as captain Steve reminds team mates that "this does not fffing slip"
But the English title winners medal slips away for ever
What Next For Slippy?
Airport to LA
LA street/bar fight takedown?
Fellow Redmen ?
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