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Ten Minute Match Report

Kenyon

Player Valuation: £500k
Fulham began this match like ants in your kitchen after their lookout
finds you have gone on holiday to the beach. Everton, like they were still adjusting
to the yellow ball. The commentator said the same lineup was together
again and why not? Well because they don't play like they are jelling
together, they play like they are sick of each other. Then Fulham interrupted
my thoughts and smacked Pickford, and the rebound was fired well over
the net.

Everton finally caught on like firecrackers that never go off. I will take you up
to halftime by saying that when DCL shoots, you either hear, "Excellent chance"
or "Offside," and this time it was the latter after Guaye fired a poisoned dart
off the crossbar. The line will be halftime:

——————

The second half was like a seaside beachball festival with empty nets
until Iwobi chucked some tainted shark chum into our net that sat festering
in my stomach for 87 minutes until Beto came home and sprayed a can of
Raid all over the kitchen counter, wiping that 'ha ha' grin off Iwobi's underproducing
face.

Favorite Moment: Jack Harrison, in on goal launched a Space X rocket
in the opposite direction of the goal and an on screen graphic read: "Jack
Harrison, 0 goals, 0 assists.
 

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