little curly alan ball
Player Valuation: £70m
For those in Helmand Province , Afghanistan generally , or otherwise Serving Their Country , and away from their Families this Easter Week-End ...
Stay Safe , Peoples .. THAT , is a Goddamn' ORDER !!!
For My Mother , My World , L.C.A.Barb' ; Me Aunty Do' , an' Our Eva an' Archie ,...
Oh , an' I'm STILL V, Sorry ,....
May the Good Lord be with You all .
Welcome , everyone to our small corner of this Easter Sabbath .
Everton and London ... London and Everton ... Despite the Escla Membership , its never really been a Marraige Made in Heaven , in truth . Indeed , in my 40 Years or so of watching Everton - I was taken as a Baby ; I can only really remember 2 whom PROPER got it . Tony Cottee , least to My Mind , and though 99 goals may suggest otherwise , didn't , Kingy and the Focus of today's Lesson , most certainly DID !!! Moreover , for a Midfielder , was directly involved in perhaps the 2 most important Goals scored by Everton in the 1990's . Furthermore , and as I have alluded to , HE GOT IT . He SOOOO GOT IT , like ,...
Ladies and Gentleman of the Congregation , may I introduce Graham , " Diamond " Stuart ,...
Born in my old Stomping Ground of Tooting , London , on October 24 , 1970 . He was a Boyhood Chelsea Fan , and was another whom came from the F.A. School of Excellence at Lilleshall . Thus , he would not sign Professional Forms with his Boyhood Idols until in his 18th Year . However , he wasted little time in scoring on his First Team Debut , versus Crystal Palace . Nevertheless , it did not gain him a run in the side , having to wait until the following Campaign - away at Manchester United , he won a Penalty in this game too . This time though , he stayed in the side .
Thrived , in fact , scoring 6 times that year , including the first in a 2-1 victory over Arsenal - their only loss that Season . His second , full , Campaign was largely disrupted by injury and Managers not knowing his best position . He scored just one goal , a quality strike to eliminate Sheffield United from the F.A. Cup . However , it was the next Season , and a Match versus the other Sheffield Side , Wednesday , that he came to National prominence . Collecting the ball just outside his own area , he began a run . The Yorkie defence kept retreating and Graham just kept advancing , eventually entering the Box and slipping the ball under Chris Woods . It may have been this which persuaded Howard Kendall to part with £850, 000 to secure Stuart's signature from the Kings Road . He left Chelsea Football Club having made 70 First Tram Appearances , and having scored 14 Goals .
Thus , Season 1993/94 dawned with the Union of Graham Stuart and Everton FC on its Honeymoon . Alas , neither Party was aware of just how traumatic those early days would become . We actually began with 3 straight wins , which I had forgotten . However , it was soon back to reality however , as we go through the next 3 without finding the Net . It would become the major problem of the Campaign . There was to be an early highlight though , as we utterly Crush the RS in the Home Derby , in the most one-sided 2-0 win I've ever seen . It was the game Grobbelaar and McManaman started Clouting each other ... Nevertheless , it was the exception as opposed to the rule . A 4-2 victory over Lincoln in the League Cup was followed by two defeats , the infamous 1-5 Game against Norwich at The Old Lady - RS Fan Ekoku got 4 , and another 2-3 reverse at Tottenham . Our next League win comes against Ipswich Town on October 30 . Another 2 domestic losses , the latter of which , 0-3 at home to Q.P.R. , to My Mind , effectively saw Kendall relinquish his Job , though in point of fact , he would hang on for another few games . Indeed , preversely , his last 2 League results were a draw and a victory over Southampton . The damage had been done , however , and on December 5 1993 , Howard Kendall vacated the Manager's Chair for the second time - citing our lack of a Centre Forward as his reasoning .
Jimmy Gabriel , that Everton Stalwart and Sermon Recipient Himself , took over on a Caretaker Basis . Once more , and cruelly , it was not to be a success . He loses 5 and draws one , 0-0 , of his first 6 Games . Indeed , we didn't score a goal until The Angel's 7th Game - a 2-4 caning off Chelsea . It could not be allowed to continue , and two days after Stamford Bridge , Everton announced that Mike Walker , he erstwhile Norwich City Manager , was the new Goodison Supremo . The Board had done him a favour , in that his First Game was a Cup Tie ; 1-1 at Bolton , before the Home Match against - statistically The Worst Side to ever play Premiership Football , Swindon Town . In the event , it ends 6-2 . The Bolton Replay is another for the memory banks . Winning 2-0 , only for be pulled back to 2's each , and lose in Extra-Time - Your Man , Walker , as I recall . A defeat at Old Trafford , then we exact , exact revenge over Chelsea with a 4-2 Home Victory . Two draws , a , 2-1 win - Diamond ; as he had now been Christened - Diamond Geezer , scored the Winner . His First in a Blue Jersey , then a 1-2 loss . Alas , the defeat happened to be the Greyskull Derby . After which , Walker's Old Club , the Canaries , do us no favours either with a 0-3 hiding at Carrow Road . Spurs come
to Goodison and take the points the next weekend . A draw at Vanilla before a potentially crushing , 1-5 Blitzing at Hillsborough , Sheffield Wednesday , and then another Home Battering , 0-3 , off The Homosexual's Blackburn . This was now Getting Scary . We had been in and around - mostly , in , the Bottom 3 all Season , but the Spectre of Relegation , for This Club , the First in nearly 40 Years , was very real and Very Frightening indeed . We pick up 3 points against West Ham , then a loss , a draw , another defeat , 0-3 at Elland Road , in potentially our Final Away Premier League Game for the foreseeable future . So , the Final Day arrives , with ourselves , Bolton and Sheffield United fighting to avoid joining , inevitably , Swindon Town in dropping out of the Top Flight . Wimbledon's Crazy Gang , Jones , Fashanu , Scales , Winterburn , et al were our Opponents .
There has been much conjecture about this game in the subsequent Years , especially in view of the Hans Segers / Bruce Grobbelaar Bribery Drama . Indeed , there Had been the usual , " We're gonna Put Them Down ..", garbage . Moreover , their Team Coach Was Petrol Bombed , the night before . This is documented fact . However , I was present at the Game . Indeed , was upstairs in the Gwlady and had a perfect view of all goals bar Stuey's Penalty . My point being , that nobody will ever convince me that Anders Limpar's Right Hand , and more to the point , Gary Ablett's flailing legs , were nvolved in any sort of conspiracy . They were 2 of the most bizarre , also Soul Destroying at the time , Goals I have ever witnessed conceded against Everton . Yet , I will go to my Grave saying that , " They were Clean ..." We come back from the same 2 goals down . Limpar then Wins a Penaly , which Diamond slots . 1-2 . Game On . Step forward , Barry Horne , whom rifles in the Goal of his Career , another unlikely , Bung Candidate . All square . We do though need the Victory . A draw , subject to other resuls , will not save us . The 3 sided Goodison - The Park End was being refurbished , gave off a surreal , yet resonating atmosphere in that warm Spring Sun . For the Piece de Resistance of what is undoubtably The most utterly Scatty Match-Day that I have experienced at The Old Lady , Graham Stuart plays a One-Two , on the edge of their Box , though instead of shooting , he simply plays another , similar ball , side foot , in the general direction of Segers goal . Indeed , it is This Strike which brought out the, Nose Taps, Winks , etc , subsequently . The Keeper is unsighted and to the opposite side of hte Goal as the ball meanders its way across the line and into the Gwladys Street Net . I assume you can imagine the pandemonium , as that is what it was . The Side hang on for Victory , which sees the inevitable Pitch-Invasion , with many just kneeling on the turf . Some in tears . It really Was That Close , and it Really Did Mean That Much . Graham Stuart had turned his Debut Season of , Pre-Wimbledon , not that much , into one to be recounted in Goodison Folklore Forever and a Day . He made 25 starts , 5 Substitute Appearances , scoring 3 Goals in his Debut Campaign .
Right then . Or Biggest Kick Up The Arse in Decades .. Never Again , said Agent Johnson . We begin well , Diamond Scoring our First of this Season as well as the last of the last , as it were . We draw our Opening fixture ; 2-2 with Aston Villa .
However , and in what was indeed a Portent of things to come , we lose our next 4 matches , 1-2 ; 0-4 ; 1-2 ; 0-3 . A draw , a Home defeat in the First Leg of a League Cup Tie against Portsmouth - which itself would ultimately prove Historically significant for St . Domingans . A League Stalemate with Leicester , a loss against Manchester United . The return leg against Pompey saw the Debut of 2 Loan Players from Glasgow
Rangers . Duncan Ferguson started the Match , with Iain Durrant being a Substitute . We are eliminated on aggregate , and proceed to lose our next 3 games also . A subsequent draw , then a win were not enough to Turn The Tide , as far as Walker was concerned . Ironically , his Final Game as Everton Manager came on Bonfire Night , 2004 against Norwich City , in truth , and with respect , his level all along . Nl's each . Quelle surprise ..
Ex-Evertonian and erstwhile Oldham Boss , Joe Royle became the latest , Returning Hero through the Goodison Road Doors . As opposed to Walker's , Softly-Softly entrance , Big Joe had to face the RS , first up . Fair play to Royle , he laid his cards on the table from the off . Ferguson was installed as Centre Forward , with the instructions that as many crosses as possible were to be aimed at him . In the event it was successful , as Evertonians were given a New Hero . We triumph 2-0 as all thoughts of another Relegation Scrap vanished overnight . Our next 2 games were victories . 2 Stalemates followed , then the debacle that was Boxing Day , as Sheffield Wednesday - Whittingham ...??? come and despite our taking the lead via another , Big Man St. End Header , give us a 1-4 tonking . Fair do's , we then go to Ipswich and procure the same scoreline . It still isn't what we want though , with lose , win , draw , perm them as you wish , continued . The New Year came and went with no upturn in our general fortunes . Indeed , it would take until the end of February , and a 0-5 , F.A. Cup win over , Norwich City - which I'd forgotten , I'd missed . It would prove a catalyst of sorts .
See , the Thing was , having secured Premiership Status , by virtue of , primarily , beating Manchester United at Home , in another Fergie-Inspired Night of Hysteria , oh , and by being Less-Bad than 3 other Teams below us , We , that is , Joe Royle , focuses upon the F.A. Cup . The next Round saw us draw Newcastle at The Old Lady . We win 1-0 , and I've told the story about My Brother-in-Law and Referee Keith Cooper , and 2 Merseyside Constabularly . It was kinda funny . Thus , as seemed to be the way in those days , we had gone from an Foundation Shaking last day experience to some of the Highest High's , a Generation of Blueshad experienced . Graham Stuart was now a staple of the side , as Royle was loath to rotate but what with his Centre Forward being incarcerated in Barlinmnie Jail for 7 weeks , he had little option . He played Diamond as an Auxilliary Striker , often behind Paul Rideout - and in preference to Damiel Amokachi , our ; Mike Walker's - in fact Agent Johnson's , World Cup signing of the previous Summer .
We go on , after a series of , Hmmmmm Results , to face Media Darlings , Tottenham in the F.A. Cup Semi Final , at Elland Road , Leeds . For the uninitiated , this was Spurs of Sheringham , Anderton , Media Uber-Darling , Klinnsmann , and Dumitrescu - The Romanian , and , apt for Easter Weekend , Judas Escariot Barmby . It was the most Foregone Conclusion of recent years . Or so we were told . Whilst they were the Famous Five or whatever it was , we , conversely were , The Dogs of War , a sobriquet Royle at first ignored but later was some cause of irritation to , Old Magnus Capus . April 9 , 1995 , was one such day . We had 3 sides of the Ground , and the Players , still without the Talismanic Duncan , put on the finest performance by an Everton XI in nigh-on a decade . They were supreme . Everyone . All over the Park . Matt Jackson . Undies . The Bin Man . Limpar , Joe Parky , but for me , My Memory of the Day , is Diamond . He was imperious . Scored one , made at least one , should've had about another 3 more . We utterly blister them with wave-after-wave of attacks . TalkSPORT's Jason Cundy is STILL looking for his Chelsea Mucka from that day . One personal aside , Your Good Reverand , ended up for the final 20 minutes or so , in the Leeds United Directors Box , and was indeed bouncing UP AND DOWN on those Padded Seats - Myself an' Nipper Hayes whom will verify the voracity of my statement . It was A DAY ,..
So , Wem-bl-ey !!! In the 6 games up to the Final , we did not experienece defeat . Mind you , we only won 2 , but still . The Queues outside Goodison - Overnight , for Final Tickets - Pre Source Days , was worth a Sermon in itself , as anyone whom experienced it will verify . Still , we got them , so , London , Here We Come !!!
The Match itself was , tbh , largely forgettable , Big Duncan was back , but only on the Bench . We are limited , but keen . We take it to them where we can , but in truth , were far out-gunned . However , Watto shins one , it falls to Limpar , whom breaks from his own half . Matty Jackson , seeing the little Svenska on-one , overlaps . Limpar slips him in with the outside of his boot . Matty goes on , a lovely little step - step , Gary Neville had to pay Back-In , then slides a , Bury - Me , Ball to , Graham , Diamond Stuart . Alas , our fav' Southerner connects , as he later re-counts ;
" Too well .." the ball strikes the underside of the Bar - I was in the Toilet at this point - as was Mick Buckley an' Me Boi , Kenny Mc ; where it bounces up in the air . Pallister goes to win it , Bruce behind Schmeichel aiming to clear the line . However , Paul Rideout , in truth , one of my Least Fav' Ever Everton Centre Forwards , nods the loose ball into the corner of the Net . Cue , Pandemonium ... There was some 50 minutes or so left ,... The last 20 minutes was The Alamo . Bin Man , literally , Stands Up to be Counted - the double save from Scholes stands out . In any event , we hang on . The whistle goes with few Mancs still in the Stadium . Your Good Reverand is to be seen , standing atop the 2 inch thick railings next to the Tunnel , giving it , The BIG ONE - please review tape if any doubters . Cantona , Ince , Taggart , ALL GOT IT , Goodo . .Big Man gives me a Thumbs Up , going down the walkway . Aces !!!
The following Season , 1995/96 , Big Joe attempted to address our , Lack of Class , issue . He began by signing Vinny Samways from Spurs , then , making a magnificent purchase , and fell out with his Mate , Taggart , as he lured Want-Away Ukranian , Andrei Kanchelskis from Old Trafford . He then went and prised , Nicholas , I AM Escariot , Barmby from Middlesborough , for a Club Record , £5.75M . Our first game , like the Good Old Days , was a Charity Shield victory over the Homosexual's Blackburn Rovers . Sideways gets the winner . So , one Trophy in the Cabinet ... Our opening 2 Games see a Nil's each draw and a defeat . Then two , 2-0 victories. Then 3 mtaches finish 3-2 - two losses and a win . Milwall in the League Cup , 0-0 , in-between two more League defeats . Graham Stuart gets his first of the Campaign in the European Cup Winner's Cup Tie against Reykjavik , we win 6-3 on aggregate , then another defeat against the Barcodes , 1-3 at The Old Lady , before Millwall arrive in the League Cup Second Round , Second Leg , and batter us , 2-4 . Not exactly the start we were looking for then ,..
Two League Stalemate's , either side of another draw , with Feyenoord in Europe , as Brett Angell was our Centre Forward . Yet another defeat , this time Away at Aston Vanilla , before Reggie Blinker puts us out of Europe to where we would not return until Moyesey was our Manager . On the Saturday , we beat Blackburn , last year's Champions of course , as Diamond grabs his inaugural Premiership strike of the Season , in a 1-0 win . It is our 3rd League Victory of the Campaign . It was Bonfire Night . On to , November 18 , 1995 , which turned out to be a Good Day , for Evertonians . It was our Annual trek to Greyskull , but , given our Domestic Form to that point , we were not exactly optimistic . How wrong could we have been ??? Once more , though Andrei grabs the Headlines with 2 , that's , TWO Kop End strikes , one a Header ...!!!??? ; it is Limpar and Stuart whom drive us on . A Threat all afternoon , This , was what Joe Royle had been looking for all along ... Our next defeat is on December 16 , at The Barcodes , as the Side , while not having the , Winning Every Week thing , Down , at least learnt how , Not To Lose , and Graham Stuart began to play an ever more integral role . He scored his Second League Goal of the Season , the week after the Lucifers . 2 weeks later he gets his Third in beating West Ham , 3-0 at Home . From then on , Big Joe's Boys stepped it UP ...
On Boxing Day 1995 , we blister Middlesborough 4-0 at Goodison - Diamond gets a brace . We beat Leeds , then I trek to South London for a New Year's Day - for a change , Away Party as we triumph 3-0 and Big Man scores 2 , one a corker volley in the White Diamonds Kit . Stockport are
then , after a Replay , despatched in the Cup - Graham Suart scores in both legs . We go to Highbury and win as again , Stuey gets a Goal . A dire Home Stalemate with port Vale in the Cup , then a creditable 2-2 at Southampton , as again Diamond bags one . We beat Man' City then we go to the Potteries for the F.A. Cup Replay . Suffice to say , we are defeated , though Graham Stuart scores ours in a 1-2 loss . Joe Royle mentos the ,
" Watershed ..." , word . We had kinda heard it before , tbh ,.. Still , Back on the Horse as they do say ,... A Blip at Old Trafford then sees us go on a 4 Game unbeaten run - granted , 2 were draws , before a bizarre Home beating , 2-4 , off Wimbledon , which is followed by two , 3-0 victories . We lose at Q.P.R. , 1-3 befre The Bealzebubs come to Town - still smarting from Andrei . Well , Tough , as Our Ukranian once more scores against them in a 1's each . This is followed by perhaps our finest display of the Season as we go to Hillsborough in our Final Away Game and utterly Blister them , 5-1 , as Kanchelskis grabs a Hat-Trick , before the denoument of 1995/96 is a Goodison win over Aston Villa . The side finish - considering our Pre-Xmas Form , The Form Team in the Premier League in the second half of the Campaign . Moreover , and contrary to widely held opinions , it was flowing , attacking , positive Football . Furthermore , Joe Royle began to speak of Graham Stuart in terms of an England Call-Up . That is how well he was playing . In the event , the Team finish in 6th Place , our best in the 1990's , as Diamond plays 34 Matches in all , 27 League Starts , Scoring 14 Priceless Goals . Indeed , Kanchelskis' arrival had given Graham the licence to roam which his astute Football Brain prospered under . It was to be his Everton Zenith .
The Summer of 1996 , despite our having to hand back both of the Trophies , was still an optimistic one at L4, 4EL . Gary Speed arrived in a wonderful piece of Transfer Business , for £3M from Leeds United , as again , Big Joe sought to add Class . It all began so well too , as The Barcodes came and were eaten 2-0 , on the Opening Day . Then came one of My Favourite Away Games - League ; Ever , as we visit Old Trafford on a warm August Night . Miraculously , we take a 2 goal lead as Duncan puts in his finest showing against the Other Fergie that he ever would , as he gets both . A Towering Header , and a Turn and Shot from the Edge of the Area , during which I broke Me Ralph Lauren Glasses in Celebrating , Ho-Hum . They push on , inevitably , and of course get 2 back as Jordi Cryuff and Poborsky score what may have been their only O.T. Goals . We have a chance in the dying seconds as Speed hits Schmiechel in the Chest as he is is prostrate on the floor and with the Stretford End Goal gaping , and that was that . We are still awaiting our first win there since . It was to be kinda portentious .
Our next 4 Games - 3 of which we do not score in ; are a 0-0 at Spurs and 3 straight Losses. Then , after a First Leg 1-1 with York City ; Yes . That IS York City , we are beaten in the Return Match , 2-3 , and thus go out on Aggregate . Watershed , anyone ...??? ; as Whispers of discontent began to be heard . Nevertheless , Big Joe Soldiered On , and indeed , The Side went on it's best run of the Season , winning 4 of our next 5 - the latter a 7-1 Hiding of Southampton as Speed gets an Everton Hat-Trick , and Diamond opened the scoring . It was to be our highlight of the Year as Paying Punters . The following Wednesday , we go to the Vermin , with Asbo as Ball-Boy and get a 1's each . Then , win , draw ,
loss , win draw loss . Like that . Royle is getting frustrated , and the Team have none of the , Panache , of a Year earlier . It was not aided by the , inevitable , in truth , departure of Andrei Kanchelskis to Fiorentina . We then lose our next 4 Domestic Fixtures , before Bradford City arrive in the F.A. Cup , and Tranmere aside , give This Man of the Cloth , his worst Goodison Cup Day of the decade , and win 2-3 . Talk about Watersheds ...!!! A week later we go to Tyneside and are again , Coated , 1-4 . We manage a solitary victory over Forest , 2-0 , but t is an anomaly , and normal service is resumed with 2 draws and two losses . A win against Derby at Goodison , and an Old Trafford defeat saw Joe Royle approach Peter Johnson for the funds to purchase the Norwegian Duo , Tore Andre Flo and Claus Eftevaag . He was denied , and in a Mirror-Image of Howard Kendall over Dion Dublin's Non-Arrival , picked up his jacket and walked . Thus , despite our having won a Trophy , 2 if you count the Charity
Shield , in the past 18 monhs , managed our best League Finish since we were a member of the Big 5 , and had been constructing the best Squad since those heady days , we find ourselves , once more , set adrift amongst the Flotsam and Jetsam of the Premiership . Dave Watson takes over the Reigns , a Steady Hand ,.. and all that . We are in no real danger of relegation in the event , and go to finish 15th . A fall of only 9 places but a chasm of difference to a year previously . Graham Stuart was a case in point . The Season before he had been spoken of in terms of International recognition . Now , he could struggle to make our , struggling First Eleven . He made 29 starts , with another 5 as Substitute , netting on 5 occasions .
Howard Kendall was to return for his Thirdand Final stint as Everton FC Supremo in the Summer of 1997 . One of his initial orders of business was to return to his Old Club , Sheffield United , and procure the services of , nice lads , but rather nondescript as Footballer's , Carl Tiler and Mitch Ward . Diamond was the Makeweight in the deal . Thus , he departed Goodison Park , after 4 Years , having made 136 Appearances , and Scoring 22 Goals .
He would remain at Brammall Lane for 2 Seasons , becoming a Fan's Favourite in the process , whilst playing 53 Games andScoring 11 times. From there he was off to Charlton , where , as he Matured , he played - alongside Scotty Parker , some of the Best Football of his Career . He joined a Relegated Team but was an integral part of their immediate return as Champions the Campaign following . It was a surprise to me today to find that Graham Stuart played more games for Charlton Athletic than Everton Football Club , 148 to 136 , but the same amount of goals , 22 . What was not in dispute is that he is still revered at the Valley in much the same way as he is at L4, 4EL . He left Charlton and joined Norwich City in
2005 , where he only made 8 starts , without scoring , for The Canaries and stayed only months , as injuries finally caught up with him , and his Career finally meandered to a conclusion . He would make in excess of 500 League Appreances , predominantly in the Top Flight . He did not choose to enter Coaching / Management , but does Media Work , Chelsea / Evetron / Sheffield United and Charlton , foremostly .
In reviewing the Everton Career of Graham Stuart , one of relatively short duration , it s not merely statistics that one has to take on board . A fine Player with ball at feet , intelligent , and certainly with an eye for a Goal . Pace not his strong point , and his flexibility sometimes counted against
him . Though , for example , I have met various members of the '95 Cup Winning Side and when questioned about , The Blue thing , To a Man , they all cite ,. " Diamond ..." ALL of them as , as passionate as any . Granted , the Wimbledon Goals alone will secure his St. Domingo Status for Time Immemorium , but more than that , MUCH more than that . He Loved Everton Football Club , its Ground , its History and its Supporters . Still does to this day .
Therefore , Cockney or No Cockney , Ladies and Gentlemen of the Congregation , thank the Almighty in his provision of Graham Stuart , Chim-Ciminee.. He may be , but he'salso One Of ours . He GOT IT ...
Amen .
Written in Britain .
Look after Your Peoples .
Peace Out ..
The Catholic Reverand L.C.A.B.
" ...I know My Peoples hearin' Me . Holler if Y'all need Me . Word ..."
Stay Safe , Peoples .. THAT , is a Goddamn' ORDER !!!
For My Mother , My World , L.C.A.Barb' ; Me Aunty Do' , an' Our Eva an' Archie ,...
Oh , an' I'm STILL V, Sorry ,....
May the Good Lord be with You all .
Welcome , everyone to our small corner of this Easter Sabbath .
Everton and London ... London and Everton ... Despite the Escla Membership , its never really been a Marraige Made in Heaven , in truth . Indeed , in my 40 Years or so of watching Everton - I was taken as a Baby ; I can only really remember 2 whom PROPER got it . Tony Cottee , least to My Mind , and though 99 goals may suggest otherwise , didn't , Kingy and the Focus of today's Lesson , most certainly DID !!! Moreover , for a Midfielder , was directly involved in perhaps the 2 most important Goals scored by Everton in the 1990's . Furthermore , and as I have alluded to , HE GOT IT . He SOOOO GOT IT , like ,...
Ladies and Gentleman of the Congregation , may I introduce Graham , " Diamond " Stuart ,...
Born in my old Stomping Ground of Tooting , London , on October 24 , 1970 . He was a Boyhood Chelsea Fan , and was another whom came from the F.A. School of Excellence at Lilleshall . Thus , he would not sign Professional Forms with his Boyhood Idols until in his 18th Year . However , he wasted little time in scoring on his First Team Debut , versus Crystal Palace . Nevertheless , it did not gain him a run in the side , having to wait until the following Campaign - away at Manchester United , he won a Penalty in this game too . This time though , he stayed in the side .
Thrived , in fact , scoring 6 times that year , including the first in a 2-1 victory over Arsenal - their only loss that Season . His second , full , Campaign was largely disrupted by injury and Managers not knowing his best position . He scored just one goal , a quality strike to eliminate Sheffield United from the F.A. Cup . However , it was the next Season , and a Match versus the other Sheffield Side , Wednesday , that he came to National prominence . Collecting the ball just outside his own area , he began a run . The Yorkie defence kept retreating and Graham just kept advancing , eventually entering the Box and slipping the ball under Chris Woods . It may have been this which persuaded Howard Kendall to part with £850, 000 to secure Stuart's signature from the Kings Road . He left Chelsea Football Club having made 70 First Tram Appearances , and having scored 14 Goals .
Thus , Season 1993/94 dawned with the Union of Graham Stuart and Everton FC on its Honeymoon . Alas , neither Party was aware of just how traumatic those early days would become . We actually began with 3 straight wins , which I had forgotten . However , it was soon back to reality however , as we go through the next 3 without finding the Net . It would become the major problem of the Campaign . There was to be an early highlight though , as we utterly Crush the RS in the Home Derby , in the most one-sided 2-0 win I've ever seen . It was the game Grobbelaar and McManaman started Clouting each other ... Nevertheless , it was the exception as opposed to the rule . A 4-2 victory over Lincoln in the League Cup was followed by two defeats , the infamous 1-5 Game against Norwich at The Old Lady - RS Fan Ekoku got 4 , and another 2-3 reverse at Tottenham . Our next League win comes against Ipswich Town on October 30 . Another 2 domestic losses , the latter of which , 0-3 at home to Q.P.R. , to My Mind , effectively saw Kendall relinquish his Job , though in point of fact , he would hang on for another few games . Indeed , preversely , his last 2 League results were a draw and a victory over Southampton . The damage had been done , however , and on December 5 1993 , Howard Kendall vacated the Manager's Chair for the second time - citing our lack of a Centre Forward as his reasoning .
Jimmy Gabriel , that Everton Stalwart and Sermon Recipient Himself , took over on a Caretaker Basis . Once more , and cruelly , it was not to be a success . He loses 5 and draws one , 0-0 , of his first 6 Games . Indeed , we didn't score a goal until The Angel's 7th Game - a 2-4 caning off Chelsea . It could not be allowed to continue , and two days after Stamford Bridge , Everton announced that Mike Walker , he erstwhile Norwich City Manager , was the new Goodison Supremo . The Board had done him a favour , in that his First Game was a Cup Tie ; 1-1 at Bolton , before the Home Match against - statistically The Worst Side to ever play Premiership Football , Swindon Town . In the event , it ends 6-2 . The Bolton Replay is another for the memory banks . Winning 2-0 , only for be pulled back to 2's each , and lose in Extra-Time - Your Man , Walker , as I recall . A defeat at Old Trafford , then we exact , exact revenge over Chelsea with a 4-2 Home Victory . Two draws , a , 2-1 win - Diamond ; as he had now been Christened - Diamond Geezer , scored the Winner . His First in a Blue Jersey , then a 1-2 loss . Alas , the defeat happened to be the Greyskull Derby . After which , Walker's Old Club , the Canaries , do us no favours either with a 0-3 hiding at Carrow Road . Spurs come
to Goodison and take the points the next weekend . A draw at Vanilla before a potentially crushing , 1-5 Blitzing at Hillsborough , Sheffield Wednesday , and then another Home Battering , 0-3 , off The Homosexual's Blackburn . This was now Getting Scary . We had been in and around - mostly , in , the Bottom 3 all Season , but the Spectre of Relegation , for This Club , the First in nearly 40 Years , was very real and Very Frightening indeed . We pick up 3 points against West Ham , then a loss , a draw , another defeat , 0-3 at Elland Road , in potentially our Final Away Premier League Game for the foreseeable future . So , the Final Day arrives , with ourselves , Bolton and Sheffield United fighting to avoid joining , inevitably , Swindon Town in dropping out of the Top Flight . Wimbledon's Crazy Gang , Jones , Fashanu , Scales , Winterburn , et al were our Opponents .
There has been much conjecture about this game in the subsequent Years , especially in view of the Hans Segers / Bruce Grobbelaar Bribery Drama . Indeed , there Had been the usual , " We're gonna Put Them Down ..", garbage . Moreover , their Team Coach Was Petrol Bombed , the night before . This is documented fact . However , I was present at the Game . Indeed , was upstairs in the Gwlady and had a perfect view of all goals bar Stuey's Penalty . My point being , that nobody will ever convince me that Anders Limpar's Right Hand , and more to the point , Gary Ablett's flailing legs , were nvolved in any sort of conspiracy . They were 2 of the most bizarre , also Soul Destroying at the time , Goals I have ever witnessed conceded against Everton . Yet , I will go to my Grave saying that , " They were Clean ..." We come back from the same 2 goals down . Limpar then Wins a Penaly , which Diamond slots . 1-2 . Game On . Step forward , Barry Horne , whom rifles in the Goal of his Career , another unlikely , Bung Candidate . All square . We do though need the Victory . A draw , subject to other resuls , will not save us . The 3 sided Goodison - The Park End was being refurbished , gave off a surreal , yet resonating atmosphere in that warm Spring Sun . For the Piece de Resistance of what is undoubtably The most utterly Scatty Match-Day that I have experienced at The Old Lady , Graham Stuart plays a One-Two , on the edge of their Box , though instead of shooting , he simply plays another , similar ball , side foot , in the general direction of Segers goal . Indeed , it is This Strike which brought out the, Nose Taps, Winks , etc , subsequently . The Keeper is unsighted and to the opposite side of hte Goal as the ball meanders its way across the line and into the Gwladys Street Net . I assume you can imagine the pandemonium , as that is what it was . The Side hang on for Victory , which sees the inevitable Pitch-Invasion , with many just kneeling on the turf . Some in tears . It really Was That Close , and it Really Did Mean That Much . Graham Stuart had turned his Debut Season of , Pre-Wimbledon , not that much , into one to be recounted in Goodison Folklore Forever and a Day . He made 25 starts , 5 Substitute Appearances , scoring 3 Goals in his Debut Campaign .
Right then . Or Biggest Kick Up The Arse in Decades .. Never Again , said Agent Johnson . We begin well , Diamond Scoring our First of this Season as well as the last of the last , as it were . We draw our Opening fixture ; 2-2 with Aston Villa .
However , and in what was indeed a Portent of things to come , we lose our next 4 matches , 1-2 ; 0-4 ; 1-2 ; 0-3 . A draw , a Home defeat in the First Leg of a League Cup Tie against Portsmouth - which itself would ultimately prove Historically significant for St . Domingans . A League Stalemate with Leicester , a loss against Manchester United . The return leg against Pompey saw the Debut of 2 Loan Players from Glasgow
Rangers . Duncan Ferguson started the Match , with Iain Durrant being a Substitute . We are eliminated on aggregate , and proceed to lose our next 3 games also . A subsequent draw , then a win were not enough to Turn The Tide , as far as Walker was concerned . Ironically , his Final Game as Everton Manager came on Bonfire Night , 2004 against Norwich City , in truth , and with respect , his level all along . Nl's each . Quelle surprise ..
Ex-Evertonian and erstwhile Oldham Boss , Joe Royle became the latest , Returning Hero through the Goodison Road Doors . As opposed to Walker's , Softly-Softly entrance , Big Joe had to face the RS , first up . Fair play to Royle , he laid his cards on the table from the off . Ferguson was installed as Centre Forward , with the instructions that as many crosses as possible were to be aimed at him . In the event it was successful , as Evertonians were given a New Hero . We triumph 2-0 as all thoughts of another Relegation Scrap vanished overnight . Our next 2 games were victories . 2 Stalemates followed , then the debacle that was Boxing Day , as Sheffield Wednesday - Whittingham ...??? come and despite our taking the lead via another , Big Man St. End Header , give us a 1-4 tonking . Fair do's , we then go to Ipswich and procure the same scoreline . It still isn't what we want though , with lose , win , draw , perm them as you wish , continued . The New Year came and went with no upturn in our general fortunes . Indeed , it would take until the end of February , and a 0-5 , F.A. Cup win over , Norwich City - which I'd forgotten , I'd missed . It would prove a catalyst of sorts .
See , the Thing was , having secured Premiership Status , by virtue of , primarily , beating Manchester United at Home , in another Fergie-Inspired Night of Hysteria , oh , and by being Less-Bad than 3 other Teams below us , We , that is , Joe Royle , focuses upon the F.A. Cup . The next Round saw us draw Newcastle at The Old Lady . We win 1-0 , and I've told the story about My Brother-in-Law and Referee Keith Cooper , and 2 Merseyside Constabularly . It was kinda funny . Thus , as seemed to be the way in those days , we had gone from an Foundation Shaking last day experience to some of the Highest High's , a Generation of Blueshad experienced . Graham Stuart was now a staple of the side , as Royle was loath to rotate but what with his Centre Forward being incarcerated in Barlinmnie Jail for 7 weeks , he had little option . He played Diamond as an Auxilliary Striker , often behind Paul Rideout - and in preference to Damiel Amokachi , our ; Mike Walker's - in fact Agent Johnson's , World Cup signing of the previous Summer .
We go on , after a series of , Hmmmmm Results , to face Media Darlings , Tottenham in the F.A. Cup Semi Final , at Elland Road , Leeds . For the uninitiated , this was Spurs of Sheringham , Anderton , Media Uber-Darling , Klinnsmann , and Dumitrescu - The Romanian , and , apt for Easter Weekend , Judas Escariot Barmby . It was the most Foregone Conclusion of recent years . Or so we were told . Whilst they were the Famous Five or whatever it was , we , conversely were , The Dogs of War , a sobriquet Royle at first ignored but later was some cause of irritation to , Old Magnus Capus . April 9 , 1995 , was one such day . We had 3 sides of the Ground , and the Players , still without the Talismanic Duncan , put on the finest performance by an Everton XI in nigh-on a decade . They were supreme . Everyone . All over the Park . Matt Jackson . Undies . The Bin Man . Limpar , Joe Parky , but for me , My Memory of the Day , is Diamond . He was imperious . Scored one , made at least one , should've had about another 3 more . We utterly blister them with wave-after-wave of attacks . TalkSPORT's Jason Cundy is STILL looking for his Chelsea Mucka from that day . One personal aside , Your Good Reverand , ended up for the final 20 minutes or so , in the Leeds United Directors Box , and was indeed bouncing UP AND DOWN on those Padded Seats - Myself an' Nipper Hayes whom will verify the voracity of my statement . It was A DAY ,..
So , Wem-bl-ey !!! In the 6 games up to the Final , we did not experienece defeat . Mind you , we only won 2 , but still . The Queues outside Goodison - Overnight , for Final Tickets - Pre Source Days , was worth a Sermon in itself , as anyone whom experienced it will verify . Still , we got them , so , London , Here We Come !!!
The Match itself was , tbh , largely forgettable , Big Duncan was back , but only on the Bench . We are limited , but keen . We take it to them where we can , but in truth , were far out-gunned . However , Watto shins one , it falls to Limpar , whom breaks from his own half . Matty Jackson , seeing the little Svenska on-one , overlaps . Limpar slips him in with the outside of his boot . Matty goes on , a lovely little step - step , Gary Neville had to pay Back-In , then slides a , Bury - Me , Ball to , Graham , Diamond Stuart . Alas , our fav' Southerner connects , as he later re-counts ;
" Too well .." the ball strikes the underside of the Bar - I was in the Toilet at this point - as was Mick Buckley an' Me Boi , Kenny Mc ; where it bounces up in the air . Pallister goes to win it , Bruce behind Schmeichel aiming to clear the line . However , Paul Rideout , in truth , one of my Least Fav' Ever Everton Centre Forwards , nods the loose ball into the corner of the Net . Cue , Pandemonium ... There was some 50 minutes or so left ,... The last 20 minutes was The Alamo . Bin Man , literally , Stands Up to be Counted - the double save from Scholes stands out . In any event , we hang on . The whistle goes with few Mancs still in the Stadium . Your Good Reverand is to be seen , standing atop the 2 inch thick railings next to the Tunnel , giving it , The BIG ONE - please review tape if any doubters . Cantona , Ince , Taggart , ALL GOT IT , Goodo . .Big Man gives me a Thumbs Up , going down the walkway . Aces !!!
The following Season , 1995/96 , Big Joe attempted to address our , Lack of Class , issue . He began by signing Vinny Samways from Spurs , then , making a magnificent purchase , and fell out with his Mate , Taggart , as he lured Want-Away Ukranian , Andrei Kanchelskis from Old Trafford . He then went and prised , Nicholas , I AM Escariot , Barmby from Middlesborough , for a Club Record , £5.75M . Our first game , like the Good Old Days , was a Charity Shield victory over the Homosexual's Blackburn Rovers . Sideways gets the winner . So , one Trophy in the Cabinet ... Our opening 2 Games see a Nil's each draw and a defeat . Then two , 2-0 victories. Then 3 mtaches finish 3-2 - two losses and a win . Milwall in the League Cup , 0-0 , in-between two more League defeats . Graham Stuart gets his first of the Campaign in the European Cup Winner's Cup Tie against Reykjavik , we win 6-3 on aggregate , then another defeat against the Barcodes , 1-3 at The Old Lady , before Millwall arrive in the League Cup Second Round , Second Leg , and batter us , 2-4 . Not exactly the start we were looking for then ,..
Two League Stalemate's , either side of another draw , with Feyenoord in Europe , as Brett Angell was our Centre Forward . Yet another defeat , this time Away at Aston Vanilla , before Reggie Blinker puts us out of Europe to where we would not return until Moyesey was our Manager . On the Saturday , we beat Blackburn , last year's Champions of course , as Diamond grabs his inaugural Premiership strike of the Season , in a 1-0 win . It is our 3rd League Victory of the Campaign . It was Bonfire Night . On to , November 18 , 1995 , which turned out to be a Good Day , for Evertonians . It was our Annual trek to Greyskull , but , given our Domestic Form to that point , we were not exactly optimistic . How wrong could we have been ??? Once more , though Andrei grabs the Headlines with 2 , that's , TWO Kop End strikes , one a Header ...!!!??? ; it is Limpar and Stuart whom drive us on . A Threat all afternoon , This , was what Joe Royle had been looking for all along ... Our next defeat is on December 16 , at The Barcodes , as the Side , while not having the , Winning Every Week thing , Down , at least learnt how , Not To Lose , and Graham Stuart began to play an ever more integral role . He scored his Second League Goal of the Season , the week after the Lucifers . 2 weeks later he gets his Third in beating West Ham , 3-0 at Home . From then on , Big Joe's Boys stepped it UP ...
On Boxing Day 1995 , we blister Middlesborough 4-0 at Goodison - Diamond gets a brace . We beat Leeds , then I trek to South London for a New Year's Day - for a change , Away Party as we triumph 3-0 and Big Man scores 2 , one a corker volley in the White Diamonds Kit . Stockport are
then , after a Replay , despatched in the Cup - Graham Suart scores in both legs . We go to Highbury and win as again , Stuey gets a Goal . A dire Home Stalemate with port Vale in the Cup , then a creditable 2-2 at Southampton , as again Diamond bags one . We beat Man' City then we go to the Potteries for the F.A. Cup Replay . Suffice to say , we are defeated , though Graham Stuart scores ours in a 1-2 loss . Joe Royle mentos the ,
" Watershed ..." , word . We had kinda heard it before , tbh ,.. Still , Back on the Horse as they do say ,... A Blip at Old Trafford then sees us go on a 4 Game unbeaten run - granted , 2 were draws , before a bizarre Home beating , 2-4 , off Wimbledon , which is followed by two , 3-0 victories . We lose at Q.P.R. , 1-3 befre The Bealzebubs come to Town - still smarting from Andrei . Well , Tough , as Our Ukranian once more scores against them in a 1's each . This is followed by perhaps our finest display of the Season as we go to Hillsborough in our Final Away Game and utterly Blister them , 5-1 , as Kanchelskis grabs a Hat-Trick , before the denoument of 1995/96 is a Goodison win over Aston Villa . The side finish - considering our Pre-Xmas Form , The Form Team in the Premier League in the second half of the Campaign . Moreover , and contrary to widely held opinions , it was flowing , attacking , positive Football . Furthermore , Joe Royle began to speak of Graham Stuart in terms of an England Call-Up . That is how well he was playing . In the event , the Team finish in 6th Place , our best in the 1990's , as Diamond plays 34 Matches in all , 27 League Starts , Scoring 14 Priceless Goals . Indeed , Kanchelskis' arrival had given Graham the licence to roam which his astute Football Brain prospered under . It was to be his Everton Zenith .
The Summer of 1996 , despite our having to hand back both of the Trophies , was still an optimistic one at L4, 4EL . Gary Speed arrived in a wonderful piece of Transfer Business , for £3M from Leeds United , as again , Big Joe sought to add Class . It all began so well too , as The Barcodes came and were eaten 2-0 , on the Opening Day . Then came one of My Favourite Away Games - League ; Ever , as we visit Old Trafford on a warm August Night . Miraculously , we take a 2 goal lead as Duncan puts in his finest showing against the Other Fergie that he ever would , as he gets both . A Towering Header , and a Turn and Shot from the Edge of the Area , during which I broke Me Ralph Lauren Glasses in Celebrating , Ho-Hum . They push on , inevitably , and of course get 2 back as Jordi Cryuff and Poborsky score what may have been their only O.T. Goals . We have a chance in the dying seconds as Speed hits Schmiechel in the Chest as he is is prostrate on the floor and with the Stretford End Goal gaping , and that was that . We are still awaiting our first win there since . It was to be kinda portentious .
Our next 4 Games - 3 of which we do not score in ; are a 0-0 at Spurs and 3 straight Losses. Then , after a First Leg 1-1 with York City ; Yes . That IS York City , we are beaten in the Return Match , 2-3 , and thus go out on Aggregate . Watershed , anyone ...??? ; as Whispers of discontent began to be heard . Nevertheless , Big Joe Soldiered On , and indeed , The Side went on it's best run of the Season , winning 4 of our next 5 - the latter a 7-1 Hiding of Southampton as Speed gets an Everton Hat-Trick , and Diamond opened the scoring . It was to be our highlight of the Year as Paying Punters . The following Wednesday , we go to the Vermin , with Asbo as Ball-Boy and get a 1's each . Then , win , draw ,
loss , win draw loss . Like that . Royle is getting frustrated , and the Team have none of the , Panache , of a Year earlier . It was not aided by the , inevitable , in truth , departure of Andrei Kanchelskis to Fiorentina . We then lose our next 4 Domestic Fixtures , before Bradford City arrive in the F.A. Cup , and Tranmere aside , give This Man of the Cloth , his worst Goodison Cup Day of the decade , and win 2-3 . Talk about Watersheds ...!!! A week later we go to Tyneside and are again , Coated , 1-4 . We manage a solitary victory over Forest , 2-0 , but t is an anomaly , and normal service is resumed with 2 draws and two losses . A win against Derby at Goodison , and an Old Trafford defeat saw Joe Royle approach Peter Johnson for the funds to purchase the Norwegian Duo , Tore Andre Flo and Claus Eftevaag . He was denied , and in a Mirror-Image of Howard Kendall over Dion Dublin's Non-Arrival , picked up his jacket and walked . Thus , despite our having won a Trophy , 2 if you count the Charity
Shield , in the past 18 monhs , managed our best League Finish since we were a member of the Big 5 , and had been constructing the best Squad since those heady days , we find ourselves , once more , set adrift amongst the Flotsam and Jetsam of the Premiership . Dave Watson takes over the Reigns , a Steady Hand ,.. and all that . We are in no real danger of relegation in the event , and go to finish 15th . A fall of only 9 places but a chasm of difference to a year previously . Graham Stuart was a case in point . The Season before he had been spoken of in terms of International recognition . Now , he could struggle to make our , struggling First Eleven . He made 29 starts , with another 5 as Substitute , netting on 5 occasions .
Howard Kendall was to return for his Thirdand Final stint as Everton FC Supremo in the Summer of 1997 . One of his initial orders of business was to return to his Old Club , Sheffield United , and procure the services of , nice lads , but rather nondescript as Footballer's , Carl Tiler and Mitch Ward . Diamond was the Makeweight in the deal . Thus , he departed Goodison Park , after 4 Years , having made 136 Appearances , and Scoring 22 Goals .
He would remain at Brammall Lane for 2 Seasons , becoming a Fan's Favourite in the process , whilst playing 53 Games andScoring 11 times. From there he was off to Charlton , where , as he Matured , he played - alongside Scotty Parker , some of the Best Football of his Career . He joined a Relegated Team but was an integral part of their immediate return as Champions the Campaign following . It was a surprise to me today to find that Graham Stuart played more games for Charlton Athletic than Everton Football Club , 148 to 136 , but the same amount of goals , 22 . What was not in dispute is that he is still revered at the Valley in much the same way as he is at L4, 4EL . He left Charlton and joined Norwich City in
2005 , where he only made 8 starts , without scoring , for The Canaries and stayed only months , as injuries finally caught up with him , and his Career finally meandered to a conclusion . He would make in excess of 500 League Appreances , predominantly in the Top Flight . He did not choose to enter Coaching / Management , but does Media Work , Chelsea / Evetron / Sheffield United and Charlton , foremostly .
In reviewing the Everton Career of Graham Stuart , one of relatively short duration , it s not merely statistics that one has to take on board . A fine Player with ball at feet , intelligent , and certainly with an eye for a Goal . Pace not his strong point , and his flexibility sometimes counted against
him . Though , for example , I have met various members of the '95 Cup Winning Side and when questioned about , The Blue thing , To a Man , they all cite ,. " Diamond ..." ALL of them as , as passionate as any . Granted , the Wimbledon Goals alone will secure his St. Domingo Status for Time Immemorium , but more than that , MUCH more than that . He Loved Everton Football Club , its Ground , its History and its Supporters . Still does to this day .
Therefore , Cockney or No Cockney , Ladies and Gentlemen of the Congregation , thank the Almighty in his provision of Graham Stuart , Chim-Ciminee.. He may be , but he'salso One Of ours . He GOT IT ...
Amen .
Written in Britain .
Look after Your Peoples .
Peace Out ..
The Catholic Reverand L.C.A.B.
" ...I know My Peoples hearin' Me . Holler if Y'all need Me . Word ..."
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