Dont mind me, its late, im still working, my brain is in that strange twilight zone, where you dont know wether your hungry, sleepy, or just plain losing it.
Blackburn 0 v Reading 0
Completeley boring game here. MGP signs autographs fpr 25 minutes before pulling out the tanning mirror and setting up his deck chair on the half way line. Hughes fails to even show up and Coppell is seen sleeping in the press box. Game abandoned at half time and all agree to never speak of the fixture again.
Bolton 2 v Aston Villa -5
Seven goal thriller at the Reebok, which from the outlook sounds great, but Villa, playing the entire game in reverse, manage to put 5 past Bolton.
Chelsea 2 v Everton 3
Sweet, sweet revenge for the toffees as they come from behind with three goals that make LeTissiers classics look like Italian National team goals. Moyes goes to shake Morinho's hand and pulls it away when he goes to shake it singing 'cant touch this der der der der'
The [Poor language removed] v Charlton
Nobody really cares enough to attend this game, and that includes the players, crowd or media. Even sunlight cant be arsed showing up, and not for the first time, a vaccuos black hole which sucks the life out of everything appears at Anfield. But unlike Kewell, it lasts for 90 minutes.
Man Utd v West Ham
Great match here. Magnusson scores the winner after a half time hair dryer.
Middlesbro' v Fulham
Boring Boro play some amazing football, stroking the ball around willy nilly, lauging at the opposition with some mesmerising play. Then the half time kids match ends and boring boro draw with boring Fulham, a boring scorline to end two boring years at two boring clubs.
Portsmouth 45 v Arsenal 0
Lauren systematically destroys every Arsenal player in the first few minutes leaving wenger to call on members of the crowd to play. Apparently the constant refferal to Lauren as a girls name over the years left him a ticking time bomb, and his former employers are left with a team of 'reality' players. Great for the ratings, but poison for a youth culture dependant on the Gunners wide ranging social topics.
Sheff Utd 2 pies v Wigan 3 sausage rolls
Battlers, working class and the good people of 'struggle street' turn up in their droves for this great match. Kilbane in fine form downing a meat and potato before Jagelka applies the sauce and downs that mystery meat wrapped in pastry in the back of the throat.
Tottenham 1 v Man City 1
City do us afavour and develop a new defensive system that can really cater for their attacking prowess. Ten men cement themselves in their own goal leaving Samaras to lead the line. The plan works perfectly until Berbatov remembers the tool box in the Merc and jimmies Vassell out with a crow bar. Samaras scores immediatley in reply in a stunning return to form. You cant make this stuff up.
Watford 12 v Newcastle 13
Finally the game of the round. a twenty five goal thriller which sees five send offs, hattricks by both keepers and a special half time guest appeance from Lee Bowyer, who sings that annoying Gwyneth Paltrow song with Keiron Dyer. Its a touching and special moment that encapsulates the spirit of the Premier League. Tears all round, goals left right and centre, there is so much emotion on the ground, Newcastle emotionally decide to swap places with Watford, as they feel they should have been relegated instead. Its a special night, on a special ground, with two very, very special teams.
