Are you ready for the next instalment of the Walton Globetrotters? Course you are. They've kept you waiting until Monday too just so you’re extra keen.
Were going officially into a period of football now that may – or may not – prompt you to look at the fixtures and suck air through your teeth. We've seen enough so far to know that if we play like how we can and manage to control the outbreak of lurgy in the squad then we can win every single last one of them. Not that we will but its nice to have that confidence under the surface like a crazed Vietcong guerrilla.
A first team missing a few key players still had more than enough to shoe Norwich out of town on their team-barge back to East Anglia. When we sing about Everton being the team that plays beautiful football we really mean it at the moment.
So a Monday night game that throws your weekend out of sync and consumes your Monday at work thoughts in anticipation. To stir our pot a little its an away game against the obligatory struggled team presumably pumped by it being their first game under a new manager.
Pepe Mel becomes the fourth Spanish manager in the Premier League with his three compatriots before him all winning a trophy in English footballer. Starter for ten there if you're really arsed.
So its time to do the West Brom(wich Albion) preview with the enthusiasm of thirty year time served civil servant. West Brom are a bit Boxing Day. They’re sound because they're largely inoffensive and have a proud tradition, which were keen on in our little corner of Liverpool.
Forgiving them the 1968 FA Cup and the hideous Boing Boing chant they are a collection of football fans who are sound but caught in the nether regions of top flight English football. That’s not a sneer either as we've been in it for far too long now too, although faring somewhat better than our opponents. Considerably richer than you are etc.
If you've had the opportunity – and I use that word loosely – of socialising around those parts then you’ll find for the most part chirpy folk, perhaps teetering a bit too close to the #BANTER culture but that’s par for the course in the smaller towns and cities across this once green green land.
Some lash on that Traore though right? Surely?
Pepe Mel takes over from Steve Clarke who just let his addiction get to him in the end. Shuffling round the corners of B-more disguised as a Thunderbird was good cover but trying to run a football club at the same time proved just too much.
Senor Mel’s already talking up the game and about how intense the all new West Brom show is going to be. OK we get it – you've read The Art Of War and got a NEBS diploma from when you got promoted but there’s just one big problem – we have much better players than you.
Speaking of them players it’s a hotchpotch of seemingly impulse signings.
Now this is the point where I sneak onto an opposition forum and marvel at their little
-------------------------------Diagrams-------------------------------------------
Of---------------------Who---------------------Will------------------------Play
--------------------------And----------------Pass---------------------------------
It------------------------------------Off-----------------------------------------As
--------------------------------My-Own-------------------------------------------
Middle class upbringing for the big lad My-Own up front there. But it would seem that the internet hasn’t reached West Bromwich yet so I'm going to have blag it a little more than usual.
What I do know is that they have a potential striker crisis up front – not quite to the point where Kenwynne Jones has formed a picket line but they're struggling nonetheless. They have just took advantage of Hull’s madness/generosity in selling Shane Long to Hull, who also threw loads of money our way for Jelavic. West Brom done similar in the summer when decided that thumping the pitch while snarling at the referee carries a premium and delivered £6m sterling for Victor Anichebe – who is struggling with fitness, hey ho, for this game. Similar for the other transfer deadline day signing Sessegnon. I’m getting the words late, fitness and test. Hang on – don't they have Nicholas Anelka too? He’s only 17 in dog years so I suspect they'll start him.
Midfield contains a footballer who I like a great deal in Mulumbu. Pretty much every time I've watched West Brom he’s been very good in the midfield. You may recall back in August – before Everton realised they were ace – when West Brom held us comfortably to a draw at Goodison Park. Mulumbu in that game was head and shoulders above anything else too. He’s now up against Gar-Bar (apologies) and James McCarthy so his experience of Everton and indeed West Brom’s experience may vary. Mel will pick the others who include Yacob, James Morrison, Berahino and Chris Brunt.
Defence may contain Ridgewell, Olssen and McAuley which if you was studying the label and considering it as a calorific content chart would be like picking up a sandwich to find it contains beetroot, piccalilli and actual dogsh*t. The most unambitious person in modern football Ben Foster is in goal – ready to sneer at any international capped goalkeeper who makes an error.
So Everton then.
Its an Everton squad fresh from the beautifully titled warm weather training in the shadow of Mount Teide (aye I have) in Tenerife. Jagielka is bound to have a boss tan – you can tell he loves it. "Its the good Polish blood Aiden, just have to look at the sun me and I'm brown. No you get dark people in Polish too Aiden."
It was an opportunity for Roberto Martinez to get back on native soil and being the driving force he is he urged the players to immerse themselves in the local Canarian culture. This may explain why five players have had their hair braided and the rest are wearing jarg watches.
There’s something deeply horrid about watching an ex player of yours line up against you and do all sorts of nasty things to your own players. This could be the case with Lukaku although saying that he’s in the middle of a depression resulting in one goal in eight games. He still is without question boss but he needs a run of goals with the games coming up. As I crudely referenced before a little competition could be coming his way.
Were all about the three players behind the striker these days and that little posse has just got boosted by the signing of Aiden McGeady. He’s being talked up as getting game time but I think that’s down to the limitations of our squad at the moment rather than him arriving ship shape and raring to go. Pienaar have Norwich a torrid time – they didn’t know where he was going to appear or what ball he'd choose next. It would be great to see him manage that for a couple of games or an away game. Another who struggles to put back to back good games together is Kevin Mirallas so I hoping his arrival on the free kick scene has touched his ego in some way that enables him to destroy full backs in the way we know he can. Osman behind Lukaku probably.
Gareth Barry and James McCarthy are as important as any player in this current system and I include our full backs in that. They dominate any ball in the middle and allow our glitzy lids to play. James McCarthy embodies new age communism in his play. He’s there for everyone, doing his thing, all about the collective and not him. He does Stalin so proud.
Here’s something for you – if you are prone to short memory span then if you focus really hard you can play Candy Crush Saga on the pitch using the assorted boot colours of the players. Go on, give it a go. And in the process look a right weird tit so best keep it to yourself. Gareth Barry’s black boots symbolise the jelly before you ask.
Wouldn't be surprised to see Jagielka and Distin started at the back for this one. Really good to know that we have more than decent cover at centre back from the past few games. Right back will be the magnificent Seamus Coleman who is subject to predictable media reports this week of a United bid. Presumably because they were made to look tits when Baines KB’d their previous rumours. I hope Oviedo still loves us – he’ll probably start in the cup game on the weekend. Tim Howard will keep goal and that’s your Everton.
The nine day break has allowed us to catch our breath a little and continue fawning over Roberto Martinez. He just says words doesn't he? I want him so bad.
Of course it could be lust that were in lust right now and, as many of us reading this are too aware: the lust is sadly finite. This uninhabited and frankly fantastic sex that we're having right now won't last. There will come a time when the suggestion of watching a movie on Netflix will not result in stealth fingering after merely 27 minutes but instead manifest itself as an obligated opportunity to swerve talking to each other but existing in each other’s company.
So enjoy right now getting excited about the weekends as though we have a B&B booked in the Lakes for all sorts of assorted filth, these are the good times. You’ve spotted the stocking and suspenders stashed away in her bag too. I’ll pick up the cost of the meal because I know that my grot quota will be filled later and you make me charitable in this way. Why am I even typing this?
On that note it’s high time to quit these words. Into them blues.
Were going officially into a period of football now that may – or may not – prompt you to look at the fixtures and suck air through your teeth. We've seen enough so far to know that if we play like how we can and manage to control the outbreak of lurgy in the squad then we can win every single last one of them. Not that we will but its nice to have that confidence under the surface like a crazed Vietcong guerrilla.
A first team missing a few key players still had more than enough to shoe Norwich out of town on their team-barge back to East Anglia. When we sing about Everton being the team that plays beautiful football we really mean it at the moment.
So a Monday night game that throws your weekend out of sync and consumes your Monday at work thoughts in anticipation. To stir our pot a little its an away game against the obligatory struggled team presumably pumped by it being their first game under a new manager.
Pepe Mel becomes the fourth Spanish manager in the Premier League with his three compatriots before him all winning a trophy in English footballer. Starter for ten there if you're really arsed.
So its time to do the West Brom(wich Albion) preview with the enthusiasm of thirty year time served civil servant. West Brom are a bit Boxing Day. They’re sound because they're largely inoffensive and have a proud tradition, which were keen on in our little corner of Liverpool.
Forgiving them the 1968 FA Cup and the hideous Boing Boing chant they are a collection of football fans who are sound but caught in the nether regions of top flight English football. That’s not a sneer either as we've been in it for far too long now too, although faring somewhat better than our opponents. Considerably richer than you are etc.
If you've had the opportunity – and I use that word loosely – of socialising around those parts then you’ll find for the most part chirpy folk, perhaps teetering a bit too close to the #BANTER culture but that’s par for the course in the smaller towns and cities across this once green green land.
Some lash on that Traore though right? Surely?
Pepe Mel takes over from Steve Clarke who just let his addiction get to him in the end. Shuffling round the corners of B-more disguised as a Thunderbird was good cover but trying to run a football club at the same time proved just too much.
Senor Mel’s already talking up the game and about how intense the all new West Brom show is going to be. OK we get it – you've read The Art Of War and got a NEBS diploma from when you got promoted but there’s just one big problem – we have much better players than you.
Speaking of them players it’s a hotchpotch of seemingly impulse signings.
Now this is the point where I sneak onto an opposition forum and marvel at their little
-------------------------------Diagrams-------------------------------------------
Of---------------------Who---------------------Will------------------------Play
--------------------------And----------------Pass---------------------------------
It------------------------------------Off-----------------------------------------As
--------------------------------My-Own-------------------------------------------
Middle class upbringing for the big lad My-Own up front there. But it would seem that the internet hasn’t reached West Bromwich yet so I'm going to have blag it a little more than usual.
What I do know is that they have a potential striker crisis up front – not quite to the point where Kenwynne Jones has formed a picket line but they're struggling nonetheless. They have just took advantage of Hull’s madness/generosity in selling Shane Long to Hull, who also threw loads of money our way for Jelavic. West Brom done similar in the summer when decided that thumping the pitch while snarling at the referee carries a premium and delivered £6m sterling for Victor Anichebe – who is struggling with fitness, hey ho, for this game. Similar for the other transfer deadline day signing Sessegnon. I’m getting the words late, fitness and test. Hang on – don't they have Nicholas Anelka too? He’s only 17 in dog years so I suspect they'll start him.
Midfield contains a footballer who I like a great deal in Mulumbu. Pretty much every time I've watched West Brom he’s been very good in the midfield. You may recall back in August – before Everton realised they were ace – when West Brom held us comfortably to a draw at Goodison Park. Mulumbu in that game was head and shoulders above anything else too. He’s now up against Gar-Bar (apologies) and James McCarthy so his experience of Everton and indeed West Brom’s experience may vary. Mel will pick the others who include Yacob, James Morrison, Berahino and Chris Brunt.
Defence may contain Ridgewell, Olssen and McAuley which if you was studying the label and considering it as a calorific content chart would be like picking up a sandwich to find it contains beetroot, piccalilli and actual dogsh*t. The most unambitious person in modern football Ben Foster is in goal – ready to sneer at any international capped goalkeeper who makes an error.
So Everton then.
Its an Everton squad fresh from the beautifully titled warm weather training in the shadow of Mount Teide (aye I have) in Tenerife. Jagielka is bound to have a boss tan – you can tell he loves it. "Its the good Polish blood Aiden, just have to look at the sun me and I'm brown. No you get dark people in Polish too Aiden."
It was an opportunity for Roberto Martinez to get back on native soil and being the driving force he is he urged the players to immerse themselves in the local Canarian culture. This may explain why five players have had their hair braided and the rest are wearing jarg watches.
There’s something deeply horrid about watching an ex player of yours line up against you and do all sorts of nasty things to your own players. This could be the case with Lukaku although saying that he’s in the middle of a depression resulting in one goal in eight games. He still is without question boss but he needs a run of goals with the games coming up. As I crudely referenced before a little competition could be coming his way.
Were all about the three players behind the striker these days and that little posse has just got boosted by the signing of Aiden McGeady. He’s being talked up as getting game time but I think that’s down to the limitations of our squad at the moment rather than him arriving ship shape and raring to go. Pienaar have Norwich a torrid time – they didn’t know where he was going to appear or what ball he'd choose next. It would be great to see him manage that for a couple of games or an away game. Another who struggles to put back to back good games together is Kevin Mirallas so I hoping his arrival on the free kick scene has touched his ego in some way that enables him to destroy full backs in the way we know he can. Osman behind Lukaku probably.
Gareth Barry and James McCarthy are as important as any player in this current system and I include our full backs in that. They dominate any ball in the middle and allow our glitzy lids to play. James McCarthy embodies new age communism in his play. He’s there for everyone, doing his thing, all about the collective and not him. He does Stalin so proud.
Here’s something for you – if you are prone to short memory span then if you focus really hard you can play Candy Crush Saga on the pitch using the assorted boot colours of the players. Go on, give it a go. And in the process look a right weird tit so best keep it to yourself. Gareth Barry’s black boots symbolise the jelly before you ask.
Wouldn't be surprised to see Jagielka and Distin started at the back for this one. Really good to know that we have more than decent cover at centre back from the past few games. Right back will be the magnificent Seamus Coleman who is subject to predictable media reports this week of a United bid. Presumably because they were made to look tits when Baines KB’d their previous rumours. I hope Oviedo still loves us – he’ll probably start in the cup game on the weekend. Tim Howard will keep goal and that’s your Everton.
The nine day break has allowed us to catch our breath a little and continue fawning over Roberto Martinez. He just says words doesn't he? I want him so bad.
Of course it could be lust that were in lust right now and, as many of us reading this are too aware: the lust is sadly finite. This uninhabited and frankly fantastic sex that we're having right now won't last. There will come a time when the suggestion of watching a movie on Netflix will not result in stealth fingering after merely 27 minutes but instead manifest itself as an obligated opportunity to swerve talking to each other but existing in each other’s company.
So enjoy right now getting excited about the weekends as though we have a B&B booked in the Lakes for all sorts of assorted filth, these are the good times. You’ve spotted the stocking and suspenders stashed away in her bag too. I’ll pick up the cost of the meal because I know that my grot quota will be filled later and you make me charitable in this way. Why am I even typing this?
On that note it’s high time to quit these words. Into them blues.
