What happens next?

[KaiserEFC]

3 aimless balls across the defence and back to Pickford who wellies it out of play

 

[AsiaAsia82]

I wake up in the shower, it’s all been a dream it’s still 1987 and we’re league champions.

 

[Bluebonic]

I go feral and start throwing faeces onto the pitch

I do that anyway to be fair?

 

[nevsonlymate]

Sideways passes across the defence for first 3mins of 5 added, before miss hit lump upfield straight to their C/H on 1/2 way line (who has never scored for them before) unleashes a volley on his ‘wrong’ foot, it arrows straight towards the top corner with Pickford 8 yards off his line… Pickford scrambles back only to trip over his undone laces, Keane sensing trouble flies over to the goal line launching his 50p shaped melon at the imminent goal bound shot, only to send it crashing into the cross bar, the ball bounces out to Iwobi who attempts a no look pass to Doucs, only it’s not Doucs it’s Schlupp who lashes it goal bound, but a Holgate diving header connects his gurning grid with the ball 9/10th across the goal line, it bounces out to Richarlison who is 10 yards inside our half and he wallops it with his left foot, sailing through the air over the outstretched arms of a stranded Butland, a certain goal as the ball bounces towards an open goal, Chris Kavanagh, raises his whistle to his lips and blows up for full time with the ball 15cm from crossing the line .
All over - Everton lose 0:3

These are better written than an episode of Corrie

 

[Zeitgeist]

Get me knob out and run down the street

 

[ToffeeTim]

It’s the 90th minute and Everton need a win to stay up

An Everton win the ball at the edge of their own box……….

We pass it back to Pickford who knocks it out on halfway for a throw in

It also depends what the score is tbf. If we are a goal up I hope we smash it towards the corner flag and chase after it

 

[chrismpw]

It’s the 90th minute and Everton need a win to stay up

An Everton win the ball at the edge of their own box……….

The ball is blasted up to Seamus who scuttles with it to the half way line. There's a defender in front of him, but DCL and Richie are screaming for the ball, there's only 1 of their defenders anywhere near them.

Seamus looks up, turns on a sixpence and sprints back with the ball towards his own goal line to tap it square back to Pickford.

Pickford picks it up, under no pressure, but VAR intervenes and spots that a thread from one of his gloves is outside the penalty box so its a clear and obvious free kick to the Skyarsenal. Pickford is sent off and Gomes is replaced by the more mobile Begovic in goal.

Begovic saves the free kick magnificently but the ball ricochets brushing against Kean's elbow as he's crouched down looking the other way, tying his shoelace - the ref doesn't see it as he's watching Delph signalling to the bench thst he's injured an eyelash and needs taking off immediately. But again, VAR spots it and awards a penalty to the Skyarsenal.

Richy sulks that he isn't allowed to take it.

Skyarsenal score against the run of play ensuring European football and TV sales for Sky. The ref jumps for joy as it secures his unofficial bonus from the American owners.

We lose 1 nil.

 

[Dixieslaces]

Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn!

 

[Dixieslaces]

Putin presses the button and the world end

And our 71 year record is maintained!

Good ole Putters!

 

[The Penalty Box Dancer]

It’s the 90th minute and Everton need a win to stay up

An Everton win the ball at the edge of their own box……….

What score is it?

 

[Terrarian]

Somebody throws a foot long on the pitch which stops a certain goal, var doesn't check, game plays on, we get relegated and liverpool win the title parading a foot long around the city centre.

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

It’s the 90th minute and Everton need a win to stay up

An Everton win the ball at the edge of their own box……….

Well, some of the crowd are on the pitch
Well, some of the crowd are on the pitch
They think it's all over
Well, it is now…

 

[MrGrumpy]

What score is it?

0-0

 

[nevsonlymate]

It’s the 90th minute and Everton need a win to stay up

An Everton win the ball at the edge of their own box……….

ball in to the box Ritchie close marked by Referee but no penalty given

 

[SLAVEN BILIC]

We have a counter attack with Gordon and Richarlison open to left of Gomez who has the ball at his feet. He checks back and sees Coleman on the edge of our own area, takes too long to make the pass and tries (unsuccessfully) to use what strength he has to shield the ball. Zaha nicks it off him and played in Gallagher who is through on goal. But he stops, picks up the ball and says to the ref “do I have to score, it’s already 0-5 and the locals are about to help Putin start World War III?”

Ref looks around, feels pity and blows the whistle. Goodison is set on fire, Moshiri and Bill are decapitated and their heads paraded on the Liverpool bus has they show off all 4 trophies. Denise sends out an email about the stadium.