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I think Gerard can be 'the best little Catalan we know'.

*Finds a Skips crisp packet and half of a dead rat.

More Stats: Total Pass Completion % Silva 82.3% Mata 84.1% % of tot passes as forward passes Silva 69.1% Mata 74.4% No. of key passes per game Silva 1.1 Mata 1.8 Distance covered per game Silva 8.9km Mata 11.4km % of joy brought to young orphans Silva 18% Mata 93% % of crosses completed...

Oh good, @Angel Delight and @KUEFC09U2 are in conversation together...

Driven another sauced ITK away... WELL DONE LADS

Just got a Bebo message from my sister, who's LinkedIn contacts with Ambramovich. She said we've agreed a fee with Chelsea for Mata via texting message but Mata put up on Snapchat a story that consisted of alternating pictures of him kissing the LFC badge and then touching himself. I'm actually...

Proper sauced, lad.

I just had a bowl of porridge and can confirm Mata has agreed personal terms with Everton.

Funny, a friend of mine from Moscow can't stand (or understand, really) the taste of malted vinegar. I noticed when I've visited Russia that even pickled stuff doesn't tend to have a very strong vinegar taste at all, so I guess it's a flavour that hasn't taken off over there. Erm, pickled ToMata.

Here are some facts and stats for you: Juan Mata started 95 games for Man Utd and was subbed off in 103 of them. Juan Mata has statistically never been incorrect when discussing the Age of Enlightenment and specifically the work of Spinoza. Juan Mata tomata. Juan Mata has kicked most parts...

Or Venus, which is where most Everton transfer targets like to holiday. 116 Earth days, 18 hours Venus, Length of day