A.C.I- Air Crash Investegation.

[Blue_in_london]

Flying to South Africa I got in a 'situation' with another passenger just after take off. My TV wasn't working so a colleague of mine (ex-stewardess) decides to ask this 6ft+ beast of a South African if I could sit next to him in the middle aisle where the TV's were working.

I didn't even want to as there was a pretty, chatty girl next to me where I was. Anyway the big guy barks "When you've finished watching your film, are you going to [Poor language removed] off back to your seat?"

I replied "I'd rather sit for 11 hours watching a blank screen than sit next to you mate".

Next thing, the heavies were down restraining him. My colleague was shouting "you're a nasty horrible man and all the plane think so too" (she was quite posh) - Which did nothing to dispel the red mist around his bear-like head.

I got to sit only 5 seats away from him for the duration of the flight - I didn't sleep much!

 

[Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian]

when smoking on planes was 1st outlawed people kept nipping down the back and disappearing round the little corridor where the bogs are and smoking a fag in one big drag, leaving it to look like i was sneaking one, i was stretched out on a full row going to sleep and a chinese guy thought he'd sneak on the end of the row for a quick nico hit, again it would look like it was me, i opened one eye as he was lighting up and then sat bolt upright and gave a huge FECK OFF !! in his ear.....he did rapidly and i inherited a pack of very ropey ciggies.


a bumper sticker for air n.z. should read "old stewardeses don't retire.....they just come and work for us "...."and put on loads of weight", n.z. is famous for it's lamb, but it's only the mutton that flies, they should call them "the mutton birds" after one of their flying critters that they have

 

[TX Bill]

Was it Benny Hill who said:

"The odds of you flying on a plane with a bomb on board are a million to one. The odds of flying on a plane with two bombs on board are a billion to one. So increase your odds and take a bomb with you."