On the money that.
Everton have heeded none of last season’s very loud warnings – they are in massive trouble already
Dave Tickner
A philosophical question: precisely how many teams is it possible to fear for when it is still only August 20?
Absolutely everyone is very correctly already fearing – they really are –
for Luton, Sheffield United and Wolves. But it’s absolutely impossible not to lump Sean Dyche’s Everton in there with them after
a truly horrifying 4-0 defeat at Aston Villa that was somehow far, far worse than even that scoreline suggests.
Some kind of ancient curse has been placed on Our League that requires there always to somehow be three teams worse than Everton no matter how unlikely a concept it appears. Astonishingly, it may still hold true this season.
But make no mistake about it, they are absolutely rotten. They flirted with trouble in 2022, had a full-blown tryst in 2023 before staying up by the skin of their arse on the final day, and the latest cries of ‘never again’ have barely died down before they embark on what already looks sure to be another long and miserable fight against relegation for a team that has spent 121 of English league football’s 125 seasons in the top flight.
If Dyche can’t even get his Everton side to defend properly, then they really are in desperate trouble. And on this evidence, they cannot defend properly. They were carved apart twice in the early stages and, with Everton also desperately short of goals, there was never really a likely route back into the game from 2-0 down.
But there are ways of losing a game. You can lose a football match and retain your dignity. You can lose a football match and still offer supporters some tiny crumb of comfort to cling to.
Everton chose a different route. Everton chose self-destruction. The two goals donated to a Villa team that really didn’t require such charity in the second half were mortifying. They switched off from a throw-in and Michael Keane shanked a clearance to Leon Bailey. The fourth goal was, somehow, worse than that.
This was the performance of a team that expects bad things to happen to them and then sets out on a mission of self-fulfilling prophecy. Only second-half substitute Arnaut Danjuma offered any kind of positivity with the occasional enterprising if futile run down the left.
And the paucity of the performance was accompanied by miserable bad luck. Dominic Calvert-Lewin is already among the unluckiest footballers around and was forced off here in the first half with a nasty-looking injury to his cheek after an accidental collision with Emi Martinez. Perhaps even more damagingly for Everton, Alex Iwobi followed in the second half. It was one of those where he stopped with no other player in sight and was immediately distraught; the sort of injury that doesn’t really give you any encouragement to hope for positive news. This does not appear to be a “less serious than first feared” scenario.
Villa, for their part, were excellent – better, in truth, than they needed to be – yet equally unfortunate. Having already lost two absolute mainstays from last season’s impressive seventh-placed finish in Tyrone Mings and Emi Buendia, they saw Philippe Coutinho hobble uncomfortably off long after the match was won.
Less vital than the other injuries perhaps, but still unhelpful in what Villa hope will be a busy season with their return to European football.
Beyond that, it remains near impossible to assess where precisely Villa stand in the early stages of the season. We can reasonably expect the answer to be ‘pretty good’ on the basis of last season despite the injury setbacks, but all we can reasonably ascertain from an overall net zero start to the season is that they are not as good as Newcastle but better than Everton. Which essentially tells us close to f*** all.
But Everton, though. We can certainly make an early-season call on a team that now sits bottom of the lot with no points from two games a goal difference that already reads minus five. We fear for them. We really do.
Astonishingly, there may still be three teams worse than Everton this season. But they were really bad at Villa and face another long, miserable season.
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