Breaking News - Rafael offered severance pay of £3m

[davek]

Garbage scow on the reef. This is a beautiful read at RAWK:

The great ship SS Liverpool, the finest ship ever built, ploughs through the ocean and people are dancing on deck while the orchestra is playing "Sack Rafael", followed by the ol' fave " Where did our form go".

A looming iceberg is seen in the distance, closing fast, with all the dark certainty of a bankruptcy, a mountain of debt below the surface. A group of people who have seen the iceberg coming, run through the ship shouting SOS to anyone who will listen, but their cries cannot be heard above the orchestra and the revelry.

They run to the bridge to find Captain Benitez vainly trying to steer the ship with his hands tied behind his back, spinning the ships wheel hopelessly from right to left and back again. Unfortunately, the owners of the ship, H&G lines, had sold the rudder to repay the money they borrowed to buy the ship. They thought it wouldn't matter, believing, correctly, that if the ship went in a straight line it would be cheaper anyway, something the bankers all thought was brilliant at the time.

From the bridge Captain Benitez tries to speak through the ships Com to warn the passengers, but the Sun in the Sky catches a Mirror and interferes with the Telegraph and all the passengers hear is something about a Spanish waiter. Mail would clearly only waste everyone's time. The dancing continues to the tune of "**** off, la", while passengers discuss in earnest the inability of the violin player on the top right to be able to maintain possession of the tune.

The people on the bridge run to send the alarm, still screaming SOS, pointing at the iceberg and at the people who are seen climbing into a lifeboat......but they are dismissed as mad loonies who are spoiling the fun, and the passengers lock them in the "Cassandra Room" so they wouldn't have to listen to their 'bullshit' anymore.

Through the porthole, they see that the owners have launched and are already safe in their lifeboat, Lords Parry and Moores tucked in the boat alongside them. The son of the owner shouts a farewell "**** You" and resumes sipping his champagne from a safe distance in his lifeboat across the ocean.

The good ship Liverpool groans as it hits the iceberg. There are no other lifeboats; H&G lines sold them off in advance to cover the interest on the loans they took to buy the ship in the first place.

Once the passengers realise they are doomed, they lynch Captain Benitez for having spent so much on the orchestra players, and who had summarily failed to stop the iceberg with their violins and cellos.

The owners in their lifeboat sit back to enjoy the movie, sipping champagne from their SS Liverpool mugs, which will now be worth a fortune on ebay.

A few months later, the owners of H&G lines, having collected the insurance, gather to reminisce on their great adventure:

Jeebus, it's like Shakespeare it is. Is that a tear in my eye? Heh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfR7qxtgCgY

That daft tvvat should be Sectioned. Sitting there at his pc angrily tapping that [Poor language removed] analogy out. I cant begin to fathom what goes on in some people's heads.

 

[bigbob1974]

getting the sack just as gerrard and carragher jump on the plane to south africa,coincidence ?

 

[mezzrow]

That daft tvvat should be Sectioned. Sitting there at his pc angrily tapping that [Poor language removed] analogy out. I cant begin to fathom what goes on in some people's heads.

In these parts, one would say that he's a candidate for a Baker Act.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florida_Mental_Health_Act

 

[Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian]

They missed out....

And alongside arrives a boat, it's the Royal Iris captained by the Mersey Pirate himself.... Billy Butler M.B.E., but wait they haven't come to do a 'little ships' rescue act, they're are on a booze cruise.
They wait a safe distance away so as not to get pulled down with them, there are 2 bald men on the top deck one stunningly tanned one blowing a fog horn and a palid one with rings round his eyes and a carrrier bag of cans, they keep dancing jigs and baring their buttocks to the ones facing impending doom "sink you bastards.... sink without trace" can be heard drifting across the waves, and from the ships tannoy there seems to be a record being spun by merseysides number one d.j. if one listens carefully one can just about hear the opening line....."oh we hate Bill Shankley and we hate St. John ....."

 

[Sharpys top lip]

oh fffs....

Devo'd was a great servant to gobshitness.

let's all donate some money to keep the fat cunt...





Pledges £3**

 

[ijjysmith]

getting the sack just as gerrard and carragher jump on the plane to south africa,coincidence ?

Interesting point that.

 

[GhostOfDixie]

Don't shout this too loud, but I just put my headset on for a game of Call of Blerts 7 and this squeaky scouse din came through, it was Sammy Lee, he was on the blower to that jughead Alardyce and apparently, he's next in line for the job. Then some 12 year old American squirt chimed in with all "Awesomes, and My Bad" - I told him to go **** himself and blew his head off.

 

[ijjysmith]

Some fool on football rumours just wrote that capello will be taking over.

Unbelievable. I actually despair!!

 

[TX Bill]

They ought to offering him a big fat nothing and say "thank you, don't let the door hit you on the way out."

 

[Lao]

If he has to go I sincerely hope they bring in the Barnes/McAteer dream team.

 

[BlackToffee]

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Don't go, keep Rafael In Our City

We need you, the reds need you, football needs you.

Hold on, go to Portsmouth, they could use someone who spends endlessly on useless players and then blames them when the team loses. (Sorry couldn't resist. I want him to stay, but really can't find a positive word for him except that I know he breaths.

 

[ToffeeDan]

You just couldn't make it up the way they are in denial over on RAWK - it's not his fault they lost 19 games last season I guess. Not his fault he attacked his bosses at every opportunity, fell out with Parry, Purslow, Broughton, Torres, Carragher, Gerrard. Everyone's out of step except Rafael.

And with no money, no new stadium and someone like Dogsh1t in charge.. things can only get worse for them. Summer just got better.

 

[Matt Damon]

If he get's sacked I'll be ......

If he's not sacked I'll be:

LAUGHIN AT THE KOPITES AND THE FAT SPANISH WAITER

COME ON YOU BLUES !

 

[Jobby]

If he has to go I sincerely hope they bring in the Barnes/McAteer dream team.

Hahahaha, that would be fantastic.

 

[quasi modo]

If he has to go I sincerely hope they bring in the Barnes/McAteer dream team.

That would be fantastic.