@BigBlueNose
** NSFW***
I haven't had many first dates to be honest, but one particularly sticks out in my mind.
Let me take you back to my student days, I had a flat in the old Bull Ring now known as St Andrews Gardens. I had had a girlfriend for most of my first year, and being a gentlemen I never did any damage despite numerous guilt edged chances (I will go into these further another time, some weird stuff went on and I deserve a [Poor language removed] medal)... anyway. There I was in second year, newly single and had Cadburys cream egg bollocks bursting at the brim.
I innocently went into Heebie Jeebies one night like a proper student meff, wearing one of those Pop Boutique retro shirts and a skin head thinking I was the dogs bollocks. Whilst sweating my head off jumping round to 'Killing in the name of' by Rage the machine downstairs in the mosher dungeon two bottles of £1 Stella in either hand I saw an old mate who was/is absolutely stunning. We had a good chat and a catch up as I hadn't seen her since my high school days, then out of nowhere the friend she was with appeared who for the purpose of this story we will call Sandy. Anyway, Sandy was in my year in school but we really really chatted that much. She was pretty average looking, with a few extra lbs (back in school this is) and I probably had bigger tits. It transpires that over the years that she had sniffed so much mkat the weight had fallen off her and she had invested some of daddies money into a new chest, and they almost took my eyes out. She came over and give me a big hug and started chatting my head off as if we were best friends in school.
After about 5 minutes of utterly boring 'how have you been'? 'What's new'? type rubbish, she started power necking me in the middle of Heebies. I had a good grab of her new found firm arse and thought this is bloody lovely. We continued throughout the night and then ended up going to Mr Chips cause I was dying for some chips cheese and Donner.
I actually didn't think anything of it, I assumed it was a little drunken kiss as we had known each other for some years. We were stood outside Ba Baas and I was having a Lambert and Bulter silver. She flew over to me like a rottweiler and looked me dead in the eyes and said "Am I staying at yours tonight then?" - now a few things ran through my mind. I was quite newly single and has been goosing the same girl for a number of years so I got stiffy fear and was concerned about my potential performance. She has also (since she got skinny) got a bit of reputation for being a bit of a bike so I wasn't sure if I wanted to be another one of her conquests. Either way, I pretended to be game as said "yeah definitely".
We jumped in a black cab back to the Bull Ring and I forgot I had my dopey best mate with me who was lingering round like a bad smell. It was the Uni holidays so I was actually staying at home over the water, but thought I'd have more of a performance in my own grown up bedsit Uni flat that cost me about £120 a week. Anyway, this big lummox I had with me didn't have enough money to get home on his own as I said we would share a taxi together - so in the taxi I had to convince him I would just give him £20 to get my end away. By the way, the whole time the girl was sitting in this hackney just the three of us without a care in the world she was so thirsty it was untrue.
I won't go into the details, but it was boss. Went on for hours and I even broke my bed and had that awkward conversation with the handyman that I needed a new bed frame. £90 it cost me, plus the £20 for a taxi. I could have had a brass for cheaper. Either way, the fresh fake boobs were great and I think she had a good night.
Moving onto the first date scenario, she had continued texting me following the night of passion and I obviously did myself proud cause she was keen as a badger to meet up again. After weeks of flirty texts I thought 'f**ck it" and asked her out on a date.
I had never really done dates before, so was unsure what to do. So like the classy student I was I took her to the Slug and Lettuce (little did she know it was 2-4-1 cocktails and I was [Poor language removed] brassic). The date went well, as we had more drink she was getting more touchy under the table. I was conscious as she had mentioned she had to get the last train home at 11pm.
At 10pm, I offered to get one last drink before she had to go home. We both supped on a French Martini and laughed the next 30 minutes away. She was wearing a very low cut top and had the boys out on show. She was very proud of them, and understandably so. They were boss - over the coming months I had done everything you could possibly imagine with them (and more)....In fact, she regularly just wanted me to unload on them.
At 10:30pm I said I'm going for a quick slash and I would walk her to the station. I came out of the loo and she was sat there with a grin on her face and two more cocktails. I was confused, and she looked at me and said "Yeah, as if I'm going home tonight"....
We get back to my palace and have a kiss and a fumble - I go to get my solider out and she hits me with a gut wrenching statement. "Oh, I need to tell you. I'm on my period".
Why was she here? What's her game? Is she trying to get birded up or is she really this whore I've been warned about and she's desperate to give out noshes'.
I tried to act like a gentlemen. "It's fine, don't worry". "We've had a nice night anyway" yada yada yada.
After a short time of kissing and fumbling (we're talking 2/3 minutes) she turns round and says "We can you know.... I don't mind if you don't". It was like she had just told me she was my long lost sister. I was speechless. I'd never had this offer, or even really considered it before. Before I could open my mouth she whipped off her top and went to town on my length. After a few minutes of chewing - she jumped up and said "Get a towel".
Before I knew it, the lights were off and she was riding my like a Ferris Wheel. It went on for hours. I jizzed so many times nothing was coming out anymore.
Have you ever seen a cartoon where the characters pull the trigger on a fake gun, and a flag comes out reading "bang"? - yeah, that was coming out of my willy eye.
I was dying of thirst as I had put a graft in, so turned on the light so I could get some water and I was ashamed at my actions. The place was a murder scene. It looked like I'd sliced up a few cats with a knife and just swung them round by their tails and smashed them against every wall surrounding my bed.
I did she her again, quite a lot actually. Still the best shag I've ever had.
