Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[witchdoc187]

I've been brought to an inch of ending my own life by mental abuse from my ex wife, I've gone from traveling the world alone to being scared of going to the local supermarket because of psychological abuse from my ex wife. Even tonight she's abused me relentlessly with abusive texts. This time last year I wanted to die. Tonight I put the little one (5 years old and my best friend) to bed in the little tent I made in our bedroom. Chilling on the inflatable mattress he put his arms around me and said "dad can I stay at yours tomorrow because I love you". Regardless of everything I've lost, the single hug and few words from the one I love cured everything as it always does. Appreciate true love my friends and the little things in life. Just wanted somewhere to write this.

 

[Spotty]

I've been brought to an inch of ending my own life by mental abuse from my ex wife, I've gone from traveling the world alone to being scared of going to the local supermarket because of psychological abuse from my ex wife. Even tonight she's abused me relentlessly with abusive texts. This time last year I wanted to die. Tonight I put the little one (5 years old and my best friend) to bed in the little tent I made in our bedroom. Chilling on the inflatable mattress he put his arms around me and said "dad can I stay at yours tomorrow because I love you". Regardless of everything I've lost, the single hug and few words from the one I love cured everything as it always does. Appreciate true love my friends and the little things in life. Just wanted somewhere to write this.

Heartbreaking post fella and I'm truly sorry for the way your feeling. Is your wife open to a discussion about how devastating her texts are? Will she listen and would she stop sending them if you asked her not to? Sadly I suspect not. The obvious " solution " would be to put her on ignore or at least only communicate with her via a direct call. If I was in your position and I know this is hard because your little one is the one protective factor in your life, I would keep communication with her to an absolute minimum. I don't know how often you see the bairn but your ex knows you have mental health issues and she keeps talking down to you. That tells me bud there's some real vindictiveness on her part. It's cruel and you do not deserve it. Rack your brain as hard as you can to see if you can square the circle of still seeing the young one as much as possible but keeping your communication with her to a bare minimum. I only wish she was amenable to a mature conversation about the effects of her texts are having. Keep your contact - I know you will bud - with the young one as much as possible but it's imperative your not left with the love of your child as the only thing " keeping you going". You have a life to live, to enjoy, and yes, you have a lot to give others my friend. Stay strong, concentrate on the things that make your contented and like I say, if she refuses to stop the bile she's throwing your way, you MUST find a way to minimize the contact you have with her. If you feel the need message me directly and I shall help in anyway I can, especially mate if your desperate. Take care and all the best. By the way, when you have a child who says that to you you really do have EVERYTHING.

 

[Spotty]

@Spotty I hope things are going smoothly at work for you this week and that you are not only taking care of your patient’s clinical needs but you are taking care of yourself too! Thanks for all you do!

Sorry for the late reply Sassy. Yes, it still hurts what happened with dad but my reflective moments don't last long thankfully. I'm very lucky having a job I love and frankly getting a thank you from the patients, or when relatives write a letter of thanks etc is to me the most fantastic feeling. The patients are you me, your dad or brother, partner or lover or someone's child, they are just people going through a rough patch like we all do it just gets a bit much for them Thanks for your kind words, your a kind hearted soul and frankly Sassy, if you've been blessed with a compassionate nature, then we should thank God for that. Take care luv

 

[witchdoc187]

Heartbreaking post fella and I'm truly sorry for the way your feeling. Is your wife open to a discussion about how devastating her texts are? Will she listen and would she stop sending them if you asked her not to? Sadly I suspect not. The obvious " solution " would be to put her on ignore or at least only communicate with her via a direct call. If I was in your position and I know this is hard because your little one is the one protective factor in your life, I would keep communication with her to an absolute minimum. I don't know how often you see the bairn but your ex knows you have mental health issues and she keeps talking down to you. That tells me bud there's some real vindictiveness on her part. It's cruel and you do not deserve it. Rack your brain as hard as you can to see if you can square the circle of still seeing the young one as much as possible but keeping your communication with her to a bare minimum. I only wish she was amenable to a mature conversation about the effects of her texts are having. Keep your contact - I know you will bud - with the young one as much as possible but it's imperative your not left with the love of your child as the only thing " keeping you going". You have a life to live, to enjoy, and yes, you have a lot to give others my friend. Stay strong, concentrate on the things that make your contented and like I say, if she refuses to stop the bile she's throwing your way, you MUST find a way to minimize the contact you have with her. If you feel the need message me directly and I shall help in anyway I can, especially mate if your desperate. Take care and all the best. By the way, when you have a child who says that to you you really do have EVERYTHING.

thanks mate. Yeah when I have my boy I block her. She knows how to trigger me and I am slowly learning to deal with it. The hardest thing has been that after 12 years together she now treats me as an enemy and I have no idea why. We cant talk because she is unable to communicate without throwing in insults. So I am trying to move on and things are getting slowly better. Thanks for taking the time to respond I truly appreciate it. The mad thing is I have literally done nothing. If anything it should be me abusing her but its not really my style. I suspect part of it is the guilt and shame she is carrying and trying to put on me. The best thing is that seeing her for what she is now makes the whole split a lot easier because there is literally nothing I miss about her.

 

[witchdoc187]

Heartbreaking post fella and I'm truly sorry for the way your feeling. Is your wife open to a discussion about how devastating her texts are? Will she listen and would she stop sending them if you asked her not to? Sadly I suspect not. The obvious " solution " would be to put her on ignore or at least only communicate with her via a direct call. If I was in your position and I know this is hard because your little one is the one protective factor in your life, I would keep communication with her to an absolute minimum. I don't know how often you see the bairn but your ex knows you have mental health issues and she keeps talking down to you. That tells me bud there's some real vindictiveness on her part. It's cruel and you do not deserve it. Rack your brain as hard as you can to see if you can square the circle of still seeing the young one as much as possible but keeping your communication with her to a bare minimum. I only wish she was amenable to a mature conversation about the effects of her texts are having. Keep your contact - I know you will bud - with the young one as much as possible but it's imperative your not left with the love of your child as the only thing " keeping you going". You have a life to live, to enjoy, and yes, you have a lot to give others my friend. Stay strong, concentrate on the things that make your contented and like I say, if she refuses to stop the bile she's throwing your way, you MUST find a way to minimize the contact you have with her. If you feel the need message me directly and I shall help in anyway I can, especially mate if your desperate. Take care and all the best. By the way, when you have a child who says that to you you really do have EVERYTHING.

it was actually supposed to be a positive post

 

[Spotty]

it was actually supposed to be a positive post

I know you were. I had noticed your initial post and had seen as ever people rallying around you on here. Meant what I said about young child telling you they love you. That my friend is something all the riches in the World can't buy.

 

[witchdoc187]

I know you were. I had noticed your initial post and had seen as ever people rallying around you on here. Meant what I said about young child telling you they love you. That my friend is something all the riches in the World can't buy.

Yeah mate. I've had it all day today again "selfish, deluded, bitter, angry" the list goes on. Although I want to respond I've actually managed to control my emotions now because I know she wants me to bite. I just said "I'll drop our son off at 330pm. Have a wonderful day". She makes me sound like a kopite haha. I feel like I'm in control now. I have to remember it was these constant put downs that drove me to the brink before. But my life has improved a lot since she left.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I've been brought to an inch of ending my own life by mental abuse from my ex wife, I've gone from traveling the world alone to being scared of going to the local supermarket because of psychological abuse from my ex wife. Even tonight she's abused me relentlessly with abusive texts. This time last year I wanted to die. Tonight I put the little one (5 years old and my best friend) to bed in the little tent I made in our bedroom. Chilling on the inflatable mattress he put his arms around me and said "dad can I stay at yours tomorrow because I love you". Regardless of everything I've lost, the single hug and few words from the one I love cured everything as it always does. Appreciate true love my friends and the little things in life. Just wanted somewhere to write this.

I love this post. You are doing so well and taking control from your ex. Your little boy appreciates you and loves you. That is so precious.

Keep doing what you are doing x

 

[anjelikaferrett]

@Ghost Rider How are you getting on? I was thinking about you today and had an idea that may help you. Get your doctor to give you a fit note which says you are fit for work but only if you can work from home. This is assuming of course that you would rather be at work than not. They may choose to ignore it and say "but it's only guidance" which some managers I have encountered tried to do. A simple question about what medical qualifications they have that allows them to disagree with a GP usually gets the desired result.

 

[witchdoc187]

I love this post. You are doing so well and taking control from your ex. Your little boy appreciates you and loves you. That is so precious.

Keep doing what you are doing x

thank you so much it really means a lot X

 

[Earwigjoe]

Heartbreaking post fella and I'm truly sorry for the way your feeling. Is your wife open to a discussion about how devastating her texts are? Will she listen and would she stop sending them if you asked her not to? Sadly I suspect not. The obvious " solution " would be to put her on ignore or at least only communicate with her via a direct call. If I was in your position and I know this is hard because your little one is the one protective factor in your life, I would keep communication with her to an absolute minimum. I don't know how often you see the bairn but your ex knows you have mental health issues and she keeps talking down to you. That tells me bud there's some real vindictiveness on her part. It's cruel and you do not deserve it. Rack your brain as hard as you can to see if you can square the circle of still seeing the young one as much as possible but keeping your communication with her to a bare minimum. I only wish she was amenable to a mature conversation about the effects of her texts are having. Keep your contact - I know you will bud - with the young one as much as possible but it's imperative your not left with the love of your child as the only thing " keeping you going". You have a life to live, to enjoy, and yes, you have a lot to give others my friend. Stay strong, concentrate on the things that make your contented and like I say, if she refuses to stop the bile she's throwing your way, you MUST find a way to minimize the contact you have with her. If you feel the need message me directly and I shall help in anyway I can, especially mate if your desperate. Take care and all the best. By the way, when you have a child who says that to you you really do have EVERYTHING.

Youre top man Spotty, I hope alls well with you buddy, and you and your boys are looking forward to Christmas . Any chance yous could take Benitez back??? We'll even throw Rondon in for free.

 

[dave n]

I've been brought to an inch of ending my own life by mental abuse from my ex wife, I've gone from traveling the world alone to being scared of going to the local supermarket because of psychological abuse from my ex wife. Even tonight she's abused me relentlessly with abusive texts. This time last year I wanted to die. Tonight I put the little one (5 years old and my best friend) to bed in the little tent I made in our bedroom. Chilling on the inflatable mattress he put his arms around me and said "dad can I stay at yours tomorrow because I love you". Regardless of everything I've lost, the single hug and few words from the one I love cured everything as it always does. Appreciate true love my friends and the little things in life. Just wanted somewhere to write this.

I've been through something similar mate. I'm convinced my Ex wife would of pushed me in front of a train if she could.
Obviously her preference was for me to do something stupid myself though so she could shrug her shoulders and deny everything.
I basically work and sleep now. I've even fallen out with my 16 year old daughter again this week but I can't keep chasing her when she doesn't show love for me. It does absolutely hurt when when we fall out but I can't keep going over the past and explaining why I'm stuck in a 6 man bedsit with strangers.
Keep strong for your kid mate. He needs to see his dad smiling. I don't think my daughter will ever understand how much her occasional kisses and cuddles mean to her lonely old dad.

 

[Spotty]

Youre top man Spotty, I hope alls well with you buddy, and you and your boys are looking forward to Christmas . Any chance yous could take Benitez back??? We'll even throw Rondon in for free.

Yes, it's my favourite time of year. Hope your good buddy. Do you get reflective at Christmas?, I do. Take care

 

[Spotty]

I've been through something similar mate. I'm convinced my Ex wife would of pushed me in front of a train if she could.
Obviously her preference was for me to do something stupid myself though so she could shrug her shoulders and deny everything.
I basically work and sleep now. I've even fallen out with my 16 year old daughter again this week but I can't keep chasing her when she doesn't show love for me. It does absolutely hurt when when we fall out but I can't keep going over the past and explaining why I'm stuck in a 6 man bedsit with strangers.
Keep strong for your kid mate. He needs to see his dad smiling. I don't think my daughter will ever understand how much her occasional kisses and cuddles mean to her lonely old dad.

Dave " i don't think my daughter will ever understand.......". I think your wrong. You tell her you love her - bet you do already - and that's all you can do. We can't force people to love us but she's young and as long as you keep being a good dad to her, she'll understand. Your right though Dave, you can't keep telling / explaining things because it loses its meaning.
As for kisses and cuddles meaning so much, I bet there's loads on here thinking the same. My boys are 32 / 30 and I still kiss them. It's just a natural thing to do I think.

 

[Ghost Rider]

@Ghost Rider How are you getting on? I was thinking about you today and had an idea that may help you. Get your doctor to give you a fit note which says you are fit for work but only if you can work from home. This is assuming of course that you would rather be at work than not. They may choose to ignore it and say "but it's only guidance" which some managers I have encountered tried to do. A simple question about what medical qualifications they have that allows them to disagree with a GP usually gets the desired result.

I was meant to reply last night and fell asleep sorry!

In the short term I plan to stay off, I've noticed even little things in the house I keep putting off despite all the best intentions of doing. Even though a day or two and I could have everything sorted, before I know it , it's night time. Almost like I'm mentally not wanting to take it on, probably a side effect of my job taking its toll. Plus speaking to people in work and checking my emails , nothing has changed since I went off. Same pressures , same under staffed and nothing has been done to protect those who are in despite knowing for a fact they have lost someone to stress.

I think longer term , your suggestion is exactly what I need, it's actually really helpful. It puts me in a stronger position my side as well as I have the means to do it (equipment) and them refusing me can lead to stress again given the circumstances. If they over rule a doctor advice , then if they were to take it further with me , that's a pretty good defence on my end! So I will go ahead with that in mind. Once everything outside of work is sorted and I feel ready to start up again, I will ask about that.

Worst case scenario is that if they refuse, I go back off with stress and look for a new job , if at the very least I can sort out my side school wise.