Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Curtis]

Not doing good

 

[COYBL25]

Not doing good

You seemed to be doing okay recently, anything happened ?

 

[Spotty]

Hi spotty,

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my message.
I've taken the first step to speak to someone about the issues that I'm struggling with at the moment, the truth is I've had similar guilts in the past. When the whole covid started, the news made it sound like it was a virus that was about to wipe out man kind.
I had to keep working through the pandemic due to the line of work I do.
I was coming back from work the going straight into the shower, clothes in a black bag etc, the wife then took my lunch box out and put it on the side.
That was a bit all too much for me and I just broke down, as again I was terrified that I was going to bring covid into the home and harm the wife and kids.

This time I broke down on the sofa at home after reading the news. I feel im on a bit of a seesaw of emotions at the moment, which is unlike me as I'm normally a bubbly person, where if I spoke to friends they probably wouldn't believe me that I struggle from time to time

All the best

Toffee there is a lot of anxiety which is in my view " hampering " your ability to move on. You catastrophise issues buddy, but that my friend is all about your lack of control. No one likes feeling you can't change things. A good example could be the COVID virus. How do you know you or your partner - or even children - haven't at some juncture, inadvertantly brought the virus into the house. You MAY have had it and not known. It doesn't appear to have had a detrimental effect on their health.

There are loads and loads of medications that help with anxiety and therapies - CBT for example - that may be helpful in helping you look at things from a different stand point.

There are lots of old " sayings " that are often very wise and meaningful. One of which applies to you. " No man is an island ". Everyone needs to feel that people care, that are willing to share, help and support you. I strongly suggest that if your mental health deteriorates, you kept your thoughts and feelings to yourself, your wife would say " why, why didn't you tell me ". How would YOU feel Toffee if your said " I've been depressed for a long time but didn't want to burden you ". You'd be devestated. How do I know.? Well I've mentioned this before but I'll mention it again, although it is painfully.

After 20 years of marriage, my wife said " I really struggled with depression after I had the boys ". I wasn't a psychiatric nurse then, but I was devastated. Even telling you this now is painful. To not be aware she going through a terrible time was devastating for me. Really painfully she couldn't or wouldn't share. I blame myself even to this day.

So please please share, no friend will turn their back on a friend who says they are feeling mentally unwell. They should be supportive, even if they feel they have no " expertise ". One more thing, for everyone to take note of, including me. I would be a very rich man if I had a $1 every time someone has said " I feel the same " after being told by a friend or loved one they are struggling. Please please share your struggles Toffee, it will help.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Hi all, not done this before so feels a little odd, however I'm struggling a bit today, not eating or sleeping very well at the moment, loss of appetite etc.
Just the state of the world is so concerning, I have this constant fear of impending doom that we're on course for a nuclear war.
I have a very young family and feel like I'm failing in doing my job role which is to protect them.
I've been trying to keep away from the news but find it very difficult as it's on your phone, TV, social media etc etc.
Been trying to continue with every day life and route, but I just have this constantly in the back of my mind going around and around and struggling to switch off from it.
I'm also starting to lose interest in the things I enjoyed before, like Everton, given away tickets etc as I don't have the motivation to get up and go.

All the best

Wonderful advice already posted from your friends on here mate. Please take them up on it- you're overburdening yourself with thoughts/ issues that you've no control over. As a young dad with a wonderful family you're head of the house and the most important person in the world to them - thats your only job/ priority. Enjoy your beautiful family. Ignore the world, its always been crazy and always will be. Turn the news, social media off for abit - honestly you wont miss it. I do it every January - wish everyone happy new year then turn everything off to February the peace it gives is the best medicine - and you can focus more on more important things that make you happy and whole like your family. Try it even for a week but speak to your doctor also in case depression has set in..?

 

[jonnyboy316]

Hi all, not done this before so feels a little odd, however I'm struggling a bit today, not eating or sleeping very well at the moment, loss of appetite etc.
Just the state of the world is so concerning, I have this constant fear of impending doom that we're on course for a nuclear war.
I have a very young family and feel like I'm failing in doing my job role which is to protect them.
I've been trying to keep away from the news but find it very difficult as it's on your phone, TV, social media etc etc.
Been trying to continue with every day life and route, but I just have this constantly in the back of my mind going around and around and struggling to switch off from it.
I'm also starting to lose interest in the things I enjoyed before, like Everton, given away tickets etc as I don't have the motivation to get up and go.

All the best

What a rough couple of years it has been. You just think you are coming out the end of Covid and now we have this war in Europe. With the modern media you can’t really switch off and sadly my job requires me to be in the know. This is where I needed Everton to be a nice release to help me switch off for a couple of hours but that is now horribly stressful. Best wishes to everyone and fingers crossed things start to pick up

 

[Curtis]

You seemed to be doing okay recently, anything happened ?

I still haven't found a place and I have 9 days left. I got an offer from a girl from past to stay at her place if required back in PA. But I'm still stressing about my predicament as health issues have intensified. I just started seeing a psychiatrist who provided me with meds but it could take awhile to kick in. Also tried to use online dating to get my mind of my ex only to encounter her profile which elicited more despair. Since I might be leaving I made an attempt to call her just saying I'd like to see her if ended departing the area and apologized for anything only for her to stop following on Instagram it was seriously an innocuous message. But its created more despondency I even met up with the Cleveland Everton chapter to watch the game today and I'm just still feeling desolation and emptiness.

 

[Andy Gray Diving Headers]

I'm only left with blind optimism based on no logic at all now, and say Everton win on Thurs, Leeds lose on Fri, Brentford lose on Sunday and then the table looks a bit brighter. Add in a FA Cup Semi Final and a few winners at Cheltenham, and it's a good week ahead (please don't argue with any of the above as I know I am clutching at straws and am desperate).

 

[toffee-boy]

Toffee there is a lot of anxiety which is in my view " hampering " your ability to move on. You catastrophise issues buddy, but that my friend is all about your lack of control. No one likes feeling you can't change things. A good example could be the COVID virus. How do you know you or your partner - or even children - haven't at some juncture, inadvertantly brought the virus into the house. You MAY have had it and not known. It doesn't appear to have had a detrimental effect on their health.

There are loads and loads of medications that help with anxiety and therapies - CBT for example - that may be helpful in helping you look at things from a different stand point.

There are lots of old " sayings " that are often very wise and meaningful. One of which applies to you. " No man is an island ". Everyone needs to feel that people care, that are willing to share, help and support you. I strongly suggest that if your mental health deteriorates, you kept your thoughts and feelings to yourself, your wife would say " why, why didn't you tell me ". How would YOU feel Toffee if your said " I've been depressed for a long time but didn't want to burden you ". You'd be devestated. How do I know.? Well I've mentioned this before but I'll mention it again, although it is painfully.

After 20 years of marriage, my wife said " I really struggled with depression after I had the boys ". I wasn't a psychiatric nurse then, but I was devastated. Even telling you this now is painful. To not be aware she going through a terrible time was devastating for me. Really painfully she couldn't or wouldn't share. I blame myself even to this day.

So please please share, no friend will turn their back on a friend who says they are feeling mentally unwell. They should be supportive, even if they feel they have no " expertise ". One more thing, for everyone to take note of, including me. I would be a very rich man if I had a $1 every time someone has said " I feel the same " after being told by a friend or loved one they are struggling. Please please share your struggles Toffee, it will help.

Good morning spotty,

You're right, and I'm only just learning that it is good to talk and be open with people especially with your partner.
Its a very good point, about the view of the other person who wants to help you, it's a two way street. I'm very lucky and my wife is very supportive, also very aware when I'm not myself, she said to me last night that she can just tell I'm not myself, even though I pretend everything is fine.

I had a call from a therapist this morning, just an initial contact, how I'm feeling .. risk assessment etc.
Went on longer that I thought it would do but atleast it's a step in the right direction. Been told I've got to wait a week l, then will get another call to try and come up with a strategy to how proceed.

Thanks again for your message

 

[toffee-boy]

Wonderful advice already posted from your friends on here mate. Please take them up on it- you're overburdening yourself with thoughts/ issues that you've no control over. As a young dad with a wonderful family you're head of the house and the most important person in the world to them - thats your only job/ priority. Enjoy your beautiful family. Ignore the world, its always been crazy and always will be. Turn the news, social media off for abit - honestly you wont miss it. I do it every January - wish everyone happy new year then turn everything off to February the peace it gives is the best medicine - and you can focus more on more important things that make you happy and whole like your family. Try it even for a week but speak to your doctor also in case depression has set in..?

Thanks for your lovely message and support, I've uninstalled my news apps on my phone as I felt I kept going back to them to get minute by minute updates on the global situation. Then every time I got a news notification I start to flap again. Obviously not helping. So taken your advice onboard.

All the best

 

[toffee-boy]

What a rough couple of years it has been. You just think you are coming out the end of Covid and now we have this war in Europe. With the modern media you can’t really switch off and sadly my job requires me to be in the know. This is where I needed Everton to be a nice release to help me switch off for a couple of hours but that is now horribly stressful. Best wishes to everyone and fingers crossed things start to pick up

Yeah I'm pretty much in the same situation, struggling to get away from the modern media, however I've just uninstalled my apps etc and see how that goes for the next few days. Again a bit like yourself my job means I should be aware of what's going on in the world.
I'm trying to continue with work as normal and putting on a front that I'm fine. However some people have said that I look like I've lost weight
I'm concerned that if I tell work, they will instantly stop me coming into work and I worry about becoming a bit of a recluse. As I already want to hide away from the world.
With the Everton front, I'm a huge huge fan, travel up and down the country even abroad on the rare occasions when we get Europe. The results would effect my mood for the day, however I'm completely numb to the results at the moment, which could be a plus at the moment.

All the best

 

[Bluerover]

Yeah I'm pretty much in the same situation, struggling to get away from the modern media, however I've just uninstalled my apps etc and see how that goes for the next few days. Again a bit like yourself my job means I should be aware of what's going on in the world.
I'm trying to continue with work as normal and putting on a front that I'm fine. However some people have said that I look like I've lost weight
I'm concerned that if I tell work, they will instantly stop me coming into work and I worry about becoming a bit of a recluse. As I already want to hide away from the world.
With the Everton front, I'm a huge huge fan, travel up and down the country even abroad on the rare occasions when we get Europe. The results would effect my mood for the day, however I'm completely numb to the results at the moment, which could be a plus at the moment.

All the best

We are all feeling the same mate. There are days when I can't get out of bed. Retired now so work is not an issue. Everton really pulling me down although logically why should I be affected by a crowd of pampered Muppets? Probably 53 years of following this Club.

 

[Bluerover]

Not doing good

Take care mate. Pretty down myself for months. Just keep the faith. We are all with you

 

[WilliamPerry]

I still haven't found a place and I have 9 days left. I got an offer from a girl from past to stay at her place if required back in PA. But I'm still stressing about my predicament as health issues have intensified. I just started seeing a psychiatrist who provided me with meds but it could take awhile to kick in. Also tried to use online dating to get my mind of my ex only to encounter her profile which elicited more despair. Since I might be leaving I made an attempt to call her just saying I'd like to see her if ended departing the area and apologized for anything only for her to stop following on Instagram it was seriously an innocuous message. But its created more despondency I even met up with the Cleveland Everton chapter to watch the game today and I'm just still feeling desolation and emptiness.

Don’t worry about your ex . Concentrate on yourself mate , I hope things improve for you.

 

[BluePaul86]

I still haven't found a place and I have 9 days left. I got an offer from a girl from past to stay at her place if required back in PA. But I'm still stressing about my predicament as health issues have intensified. I just started seeing a psychiatrist who provided me with meds but it could take awhile to kick in. Also tried to use online dating to get my mind of my ex only to encounter her profile which elicited more despair. Since I might be leaving I made an attempt to call her just saying I'd like to see her if ended departing the area and apologized for anything only for her to stop following on Instagram it was seriously an innocuous message. But its created more despondency I even met up with the Cleveland Everton chapter to watch the game today and I'm just still feeling desolation and emptiness.

Can 100% relate to this mate. I'm guilty of doing this all the time. I went on a date a few weeks ago and it was a nice day, but in the end she said she wasn't interested and cut all ties between us. I thought it would be a good idea to try online dating again to talk to someone new and get her out of my system. I came across a girl I dated just before covid and messaged her to she if she wanted to get back in touch. Needless to say, she didn't. That made me feel even worse, so guess what I did next? That's right I tried to contact the girl who blew me out 2 weeks ago, and again got myself hurt by her when she pretty much ignored me. I wish I wasn't so needy and weak but I never am able to move on.

 

[Curtis]

Can 100% relate to this mate. I'm guilty of doing this all the time. I went on a date a few weeks ago and it was a nice day, but in the end she said she wasn't interested and cut all ties between us. I thought it would be a good idea to try online dating again to talk to someone new and get her out of my system. I came across a girl I dated just before covid and messaged her to she if she wanted to get back in touch. Needless to say, she didn't. That made me feel even worse, so guess what I did next? That's right I tried to contact the girl who blew me out 2 weeks ago, and again got myself hurt by her when she pretty much ignored me. I wish I wasn't so needy and weak but I never am able to move on.

I'm sorry you had to endure that experience, it's quite agonizing to be not acknowledged by someone you've invested feelings towards even if the time with was fleeting. As you know I'm wrestling with similar rejection and I'm realizing you can't let yourself be defined by those events. It's stings especially when your reminded of the past but you cant let it bury you as am trying to navigate that myself. Thanks for the response to know I'm not the only one that has had to tolerate such an awkward situation. Wish you well mate