Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[bizzaro]

@GwladysBlue @the esk @bizzaro Thanks ever so much for those suggestions. Really means a lot! I've made plans to have a study day tomorrow at the library with another guy from my course so hopefully that will help. I definitely agree about structure. It's probably the hardest thing to achieve for me- given my sleep (not helped by the meds I'm on I think) is always over the place. I visited the doctor this week and I've been referred back to the psychiatrist so I am trying to get it in order. Three deadlines for this week so I'm going to try my best to meet them as I haven't asked for an extension before and as already mentioned, it's best not to get into that habit. Here's hoping. Thanks so much for your words though!

Insomnia is common symptom of depression. Probably associated with your work anxiety. It'll ease.

Try to stay focused whem you're working. A study partner helps but don't get distracted. If the library has individual study rooms take one.

Meet your friend for 5/10 min coffee break (after hour or so) and lunch break.

Remember structure and discipline to your plan.

It'll all come right.

Also don't view the essays as too difficult

Like climbing mountains break it onto sections of the climb. Plan it out for 15 minutes when you start.

Spend some time reading to know the topic. First.

Literally it sounds like work related stress.

So planning and structure to your time is vital. Reduce anxiety and make you happier in it.

 

[daz4matty]

@GwladysBlue @the esk @bizzaro Thanks ever so much for those suggestions. Really means a lot! I've made plans to have a study day tomorrow at the library with another guy from my course so hopefully that will help. I definitely agree about structure. It's probably the hardest thing to achieve for me- given my sleep (not helped by the meds I'm on I think) is always over the place. I visited the doctor this week and I've been referred back to the psychiatrist so I am trying to get it in order. Three deadlines for this week so I'm going to try my best to meet them as I haven't asked for an extension before and as already mentioned, it's best not to get into that habit. Here's hoping. Thanks so much for your words though!

Best way to sleep mate is clear your mind,lie on your back and take deep breaths.
Hope things get better for you

 

[kithnou]

You need a change of scene to keep you focused. You should as suggested go to the library to study for a couple of hours, then study at home for a couple of hours in your bed room. Not the living room.

Structure the time and keep to it.

This will improve your mood as you get positive results of this 'project'

- Plan your trip into the library, plan what you will do topics wise.
- Plan what you will eat for lunch.
- Plan your trip home.
- Plan your work at home.
- PLAN YOUR LEISURE TIME AROUND THIS (reward yourself for working hard).
- Plan your sleep pattern.

Do it as planned.

This is the sort of thing they will do in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) anyway.

Humans are creatures that need structure.

The earlier poster suggested working at night. Maybe but if you've got busy days on the other parts of the course think carefully about this. Structured work, leisure, eating and sleeping patterns are vitally important.

Just like your essays need structure so does your life. Do this and you will see results within a few days.

Great advice. Also just focus on getting yourself through these mid winter times in the UK. Believe me, the winter blues do exist for many that live in cold climates. Hang in there. Come and chat in here regularly, get through this period of the year

 

[kithnou]

Just to say, genuinely a "happy" new year to those that look in on this thread.

Even at its darkest moments, life can be turned round by the simplest act of kindness or thoughtfulness - God bless all those that suffer and all those that help the suffering.

Often said but worth repeating - if you're alone out there, seek professional help, if that's too difficult speak to us on GOT, we're not professionals but we care about each and everyone of you.

Best for a happier 2015 xx

Beautiful words. +1.

 

[kithnou]

Mate, the key to big problems is breaking them down into smaller chunks which are then manageable. There's no point in worrying about your degree, and the job prospects, and life thereafter if worrying about them stops you from doing an assignment.

Easier said than done, but you have to reverse the process. I like many people are faced by big challenges in the future at work. I can't solve what might happen in 5 years time other than by solving the most immediate problems first.

So in the case of doing an assignment that means being properly prepared, organising your time so you have enough time to do it, and if you are having difficulties seeking help from your tutor as soon as possible, not just before the deadline.

So start with preparation - meaning having somewhere conducive to good work, having the necessary material to hand, and at a time which works best for you - early or late?

Long time since I was a student, but the principles remain the same, break everything down into small chunks - if there's then an obstacle seek help immediately in overcoming it. Do that and the bigger problems will look after themselves.

Great advice. I always left things until the last minute at school, ensuing the obligatory panic.
Plan things and be prepared in advance. It will keep you focused and time will fly by much faster.

 

[davies1878]

Oh god where do I start, I don't post much on GOT but am an avid reader

Im back to see my doctor tonight to tell him im depressed, I cant face it right now but I know I have to, worst part is a he is a talker and almost doesn't want to give you medication but wants to talk you out of everything.

Suffered from depression before was off for 2 months in 2012 with it, Il never forget realising i was depressed I spent weeks googling things such as "why do I feel down" " no motivation to live" etc and I remember going to Tottenham away in January 2012 (I think the game was re-scheduled due to the riots) I remember being so down on the coach down I couldn't think or rationalise the smallest things, I ended up doing the NHS depression test on my phone and well there it was I knew right away I was depressed.
Truthfully I ignored it for a few months until I went in to work one day in August (after feeling seriously low for a few months before) and as soon as I got in I dropped my head on the table and got up and walked out not to be seen for two months.

Things have got better since then although I would still feel apathy towards life and why wasn't my life different or better but not full on depression, but recently my life has all but fallen apart, I cant rationalise things I almost feel pretty manic where I go for a night walk with music basting in my ears and I feel so happy and almost imagine myself as someone different, with more confidence and less worries but then as soon as I get home I fall apart.

I know what im meant to do e.g exercise, routine, Omega 3 etc. but it just doesn't seem enough, nothing seems enough, Im only 27 but all of my mates have all but settled down so my social life, dating life is nul and void, im lucky enough to be able to do a bit of travelling but my anxiety can often scare that. I a met a girl recently who I liked a lot and we got on well but then she swerved me of for no reason and it hurt me badly, I have to work with her everyday and she couldn't care less whilst im sitting there like some heartbroken soft ass, I don't meet many girls im interested in so when I do I suppose it becomes real pretty quickly in my head and I drop everything in the pursuit of it.
I know the meds will help but they take atleast 2-4 weeks to work and I cant envisage me having to face work until then, Im already due to receive an official warning this week because I had a "chest infection" before Christmas when I just couldn't face work.

When I look back on my life I can pinpoint the slow spiral of my life aged 19 where everything started to go wrong and a negative outlook started and the vicious circle just got worse and worse. Losing a girlfriend, going bald and becoming a fully fledged gambling addict added to long term unemployment all within a few months at 19 really destroyed my self esteem and its never recovered.
I have clear self esteem issues which Ive tried to solve but nothing works, I see other people with seemingly happy lives and contentment and im just so lost and confused. Ive cried about 3 days this Christmas and its the best ive felt because I atleast get that a release of tension building up and I can act on the pain

Ive spent so many hours reading about depression on the net, on forums in books everywhere that there is nothing I don't feel I know about it but still im here. Ive tried the motivational quotes, the affirmations the blogs everything [Poor language removed] all seems to work because once its inside of you the doubt and self hate is just there.
Ah well it feels momentarily good to vent roll on 7pm when I go to the doctors
have a good day all

 

[EvertonRhys]

Oh god where do I start, I don't post much on GOT but am an avid reader

Im back to see my doctor tonight to tell him im depressed, I cant face it right now but I know I have to, worst part is a he is a talker and almost doesn't want to give you medication but wants to talk you out of everything.

Suffered from depression before was off for 2 months in 2012 with it, Il never forget realising i was depressed I spent weeks googling things such as "why do I feel down" " no motivation to live" etc and I remember going to Tottenham away in January 2012 (I think the game was re-scheduled due to the riots) I remember being so down on the coach down I couldn't think or rationalise the smallest things, I ended up doing the NHS depression test on my phone and well there it was I knew right away I was depressed.
Truthfully I ignored it for a few months until I went in to work one day in August (after feeling seriously low for a few months before) and as soon as I got in I dropped my head on the table and got up and walked out not to be seen for two months.

Things have got better since then although I would still feel apathy towards life and why wasn't my life different or better but not full on depression, but recently my life has all but fallen apart, I cant rationalise things I almost feel pretty manic where I go for a night walk with music basting in my ears and I feel so happy and almost imagine myself as someone different, with more confidence and less worries but then as soon as I get home I fall apart.

I know what im meant to do e.g exercise, routine, Omega 3 etc. but it just doesn't seem enough, nothing seems enough, Im only 27 but all of my mates have all but settled down so my social life, dating life is nul and void, im lucky enough to be able to do a bit of travelling but my anxiety can often scare that. I a met a girl recently who I liked a lot and we got on well but then she swerved me of for no reason and it hurt me badly, I have to work with her everyday and she couldn't care less whilst im sitting there like some heartbroken soft ass, I don't meet many girls im interested in so when I do I suppose it becomes real pretty quickly in my head and I drop everything in the pursuit of it.
I know the meds will help but they take atleast 2-4 weeks to work and I cant envisage me having to face work until then, Im already due to receive an official warning this week because I had a "chest infection" before Christmas when I just couldn't face work.

When I look back on my life I can pinpoint the slow spiral of my life aged 19 where everything started to go wrong and a negative outlook started and the vicious circle just got worse and worse. Losing a girlfriend, going bald and becoming a fully fledged gambling addict added to long term unemployment all within a few months at 19 really destroyed my self esteem and its never recovered.
I have clear self esteem issues which Ive tried to solve but nothing works, I see other people with seemingly happy lives and contentment and im just so lost and confused. Ive cried about 3 days this Christmas and its the best ive felt because I atleast get that a release of tension building up and I can act on the pain

Ive spent so many hours reading about depression on the net, on forums in books everywhere that there is nothing I don't feel I know about it but still im here. Ive tried the motivational quotes, the affirmations the blogs everything [Poor language removed] all seems to work because once its inside of you the doubt and self hate is just there.
Ah well it feels momentarily good to vent roll on 7pm when I go to the doctors
have a good day all

Best of luck to you mate. You're doing completely the right thing by going to the doctor's. We're the same age, and over the years I've had my depression come back now and again. Generally when it does it feels worse than the previous episode. The key is I think is to accept it will happen. You say you don't particularly enjoy talking therapy- everybody is an individual and what works for one person may not work for another. Tell your Doctor that- there are other avenues to go down. I actually find just socialising with people similar to me is a great therapy. I'm involved with Time To Change and Mind, which can put you in touch with others that may be able to help you with their experiences.

Anyway, it sounds like you've had a really tough time of it, and your work are giving you extra hassle. Is there a union you can call on, or HR? They have a duty to help ensure that they support you to return to work as best as possible. If not, then trust me, you will be able to find something else, even if it takes extra training or something. But that's not what you have to worry about today. As the others said to me yesterday, take things one step at a time and try not to think about everything, and catastrophise things.

Finally, keep coming back here and let us know how you're getting on. I've been on and off here but when I do take a read of things, it gives me the best comfort that there are others going through it, and helps make you feel a bit more sane if you know what I mean!

Take it easy, and best of luck at the doctors mate.

 

[COYBL25]

Oh god where do I start, I don't post much on GOT but am an avid reader

Im back to see my doctor tonight to tell him im depressed, I cant face it right now but I know I have to, worst part is a he is a talker and almost doesn't want to give you medication but wants to talk you out of everything.

Suffered from depression before was off for 2 months in 2012 with it, Il never forget realising i was depressed I spent weeks googling things such as "why do I feel down" " no motivation to live" etc and I remember going to Tottenham away in January 2012 (I think the game was re-scheduled due to the riots) I remember being so down on the coach down I couldn't think or rationalise the smallest things, I ended up doing the NHS depression test on my phone and well there it was I knew right away I was depressed.
Truthfully I ignored it for a few months until I went in to work one day in August (after feeling seriously low for a few months before) and as soon as I got in I dropped my head on the table and got up and walked out not to be seen for two months.

Things have got better since then although I would still feel apathy towards life and why wasn't my life different or better but not full on depression, but recently my life has all but fallen apart, I cant rationalise things I almost feel pretty manic where I go for a night walk with music basting in my ears and I feel so happy and almost imagine myself as someone different, with more confidence and less worries but then as soon as I get home I fall apart.

I know what im meant to do e.g exercise, routine, Omega 3 etc. but it just doesn't seem enough, nothing seems enough, Im only 27 but all of my mates have all but settled down so my social life, dating life is nul and void, im lucky enough to be able to do a bit of travelling but my anxiety can often scare that. I a met a girl recently who I liked a lot and we got on well but then she swerved me of for no reason and it hurt me badly, I have to work with her everyday and she couldn't care less whilst im sitting there like some heartbroken soft ass, I don't meet many girls im interested in so when I do I suppose it becomes real pretty quickly in my head and I drop everything in the pursuit of it.
I know the meds will help but they take atleast 2-4 weeks to work and I cant envisage me having to face work until then, Im already due to receive an official warning this week because I had a "chest infection" before Christmas when I just couldn't face work.

When I look back on my life I can pinpoint the slow spiral of my life aged 19 where everything started to go wrong and a negative outlook started and the vicious circle just got worse and worse. Losing a girlfriend, going bald and becoming a fully fledged gambling addict added to long term unemployment all within a few months at 19 really destroyed my self esteem and its never recovered.
I have clear self esteem issues which Ive tried to solve but nothing works, I see other people with seemingly happy lives and contentment and im just so lost and confused. Ive cried about 3 days this Christmas and its the best ive felt because I atleast get that a release of tension building up and I can act on the pain

Ive spent so many hours reading about depression on the net, on forums in books everywhere that there is nothing I don't feel I know about it but still im here. Ive tried the motivational quotes, the affirmations the blogs everything [Poor language removed] all seems to work because once its inside of you the doubt and self hate is just there.
Ah well it feels momentarily good to vent roll on 7pm when I go to the doctors
have a good day all

 

[COYBL25]

First things first. It's taken a lot of guts to write that post and get all that off your chest, that's a massive step forward for you. Is there anyone close to you either family or friends that are aware of your depression ?. If not try being honest about how you are with the people around you, that you trust the most. You,ll surprised how supportive people can be if given the chance. Some of them may already have guessed that your not well, but don't know how to approach the subject as it's a real tricky one . Some of them may suffer / have suffered themselves in the past and hidden it due to the perceived stigma of mental illness. At the end of the day, your suffering from an illness. Your head can break just the same as your leg, don't be ashamed of being honest, the bottling of it up just makes everything much worse.

You mention going on forums, have you been on the - Mental Health Forum ( NHS run ) . The forums on there are brilliant, tons and tons of people in the same boat who help each other .

It's all about you finding your best way to deal with depression, there's no right way or wrong way, it's what's works for you. But one thing that I think definately helps is getting it out in the open with your nearest and dearest. You won't feel so alone then.

 

[keverton]

Morning blues
I'm going through a tough time and don't know where to turn. Firstly I've got a amazing family, parents, brothers and sisters and so many great friends. Lastly the best wife I could possibly wish for. She amazing yet I feel the loneliest person in the world. I'm depressed I know I am, have been for a couple of years now. I can't talk to anyone about it as I feel ashamed and also a failure. The issue I have everyone thinks I'm the strong one. I'm always smiling having a laugh, cracking a joke and trying to help others with their issues people will always say he's the last person to feel down or depressed.
My self asteem is at a all time low, I feel that I can't do anything what I mean by that I always think I'm no good at it and I'm doing it wrong. Things are coming to a head and a lot of its now financial and I feel I'm sinking. Last night I got upset cause I was trying to plug a usb cable in to my TV and I couldt after 30 seconds I realised I was trying to plug it in to the hdmi port, funny that, yet in my mind another thing I can't do anything right. That's what made me think I need to get things of my chest. I'm finding writing this really emotional.
I'll try and give some background. Got made redundant late 2013. Now I was depressed in my old job so I thought it was that but not sure it was. I suffered from anxiety always thinking the worst. The last 15 months I've tried starting my own business and if I'm brutally honest it not going well and that makes me feel ashamed and a failure. The problem I have is in my business I always think I'm going to do a bad job (even though I've had nothing but positive feedback) so I charge cheap which doesn't help. When my phone rings I'm scared to pick it up and nervous in case it's a call for a quote. The problem is I know I will probably do a great job as I've done great jobs previously but in mind that will be the call I will mess everything up. I very rarely sleep at night through worry and now I know the money we bring in won't cover all our outgoings. Last night the wife tried to talk to me about getting another loan to pay of another credit card which is high interest, I snapped at her as I was watching everton and she apologised. It killed me inside cause she works so hard 8-6 6 days a week. I have a son who is the best and I coach his football team but we lose every game and I feel that's my fault and I'm letting them down even though they are u7. This morning I just hugged him while we watched avengers in bed before we got up to get him ready for school. I had to hold back the tears cause I think I should do better for him. But I know I'm a great dad to him but still feel I'm letting him down cause I can't provide financially. I know any of my friends or family will say I could talk to them but I can't as I know I'll break down and I don't want that as I don't want people to see I'm a failure. My wife knows something up but she just thinks I'm tired as I'm not sleeping well she doesn't know how I really feel and I know she'll be fab but feel like I'm letting everyone down. I feel selfish cause I'm sure my wife is worrying but she's staying strong as I think she doesn't want to add to me not sleeping. This is the first time I've mentioned any of this cause I can't do it face to face.
Last year one evening I snapped at the wife over nothing and didn't speak to her all night even though she did nothing wrong and that night I cried thinking everyone would much better of without me. I know that is most definitely not the case but it's in my head.

 

[kithnou]

Best of luck to you mate. You're doing completely the right thing by going to the doctor's. We're the same age, and over the years I've had my depression come back now and again. Generally when it does it feels worse than the previous episode. The key is I think is to accept it will happen. You say you don't particularly enjoy talking therapy- everybody is an individual and what works for one person may not work for another. Tell your Doctor that- there are other avenues to go down. I actually find just socialising with people similar to me is a great therapy. I'm involved with Time To Change and Mind, which can put you in touch with others that may be able to help you with their experiences.

Anyway, it sounds like you've had a really tough time of it, and your work are giving you extra hassle. Is there a union you can call on, or HR? They have a duty to help ensure that they support you to return to work as best as possible. If not, then trust me, you will be able to find something else, even if it takes extra training or something. But that's not what you have to worry about today. As the others said to me yesterday, take things one step at a time and try not to think about everything, and catastrophise things.

Finally, keep coming back here and let us know how you're getting on. I've been on and off here but when I do take a read of things, it gives me the best comfort that there are others going through it, and helps make you feel a bit more sane if you know what I mean!

Take it easy, and best of luck at the doctors mate.

Great advice mate.
@davies1878 you are doing the right thing getting professional help. I am no expert on the matter and don't want to poorly advise anyone in here, but they say it is always wise to get 2nd and 3rd opinions when it comes to matters of health. I don't know if it applies with depression/anxiety concerns, but it seems logical to me that if you hit it off with a particular doctor etc, and feel motivated and a bit enthusiastic in seeing/chatting with them it would only be beneficial?

Feel free to come in here for a chat anytime. Maybe avoid the Everton threads though as we are rubbish at the minute lol

 

[Ashtonian]

Oh god where do I start, I don't post much on GOT but am an avid reader

Im back to see my doctor tonight to tell him im depressed, I cant face it right now but I know I have to, worst part is a he is a talker and almost doesn't want to give you medication but wants to talk you out of everything.

Suffered from depression before was off for 2 months in 2012 with it, Il never forget realising i was depressed I spent weeks googling things such as "why do I feel down" " no motivation to live" etc and I remember going to Tottenham away in January 2012 (I think the game was re-scheduled due to the riots) I remember being so down on the coach down I couldn't think or rationalise the smallest things, I ended up doing the NHS depression test on my phone and well there it was I knew right away I was depressed.
Truthfully I ignored it for a few months until I went in to work one day in August (after feeling seriously low for a few months before) and as soon as I got in I dropped my head on the table and got up and walked out not to be seen for two months.

Things have got better since then although I would still feel apathy towards life and why wasn't my life different or better but not full on depression, but recently my life has all but fallen apart, I cant rationalise things I almost feel pretty manic where I go for a night walk with music basting in my ears and I feel so happy and almost imagine myself as someone different, with more confidence and less worries but then as soon as I get home I fall apart.

I know what im meant to do e.g exercise, routine, Omega 3 etc. but it just doesn't seem enough, nothing seems enough, Im only 27 but all of my mates have all but settled down so my social life, dating life is nul and void, im lucky enough to be able to do a bit of travelling but my anxiety can often scare that. I a met a girl recently who I liked a lot and we got on well but then she swerved me of for no reason and it hurt me badly, I have to work with her everyday and she couldn't care less whilst im sitting there like some heartbroken soft ass, I don't meet many girls im interested in so when I do I suppose it becomes real pretty quickly in my head and I drop everything in the pursuit of it.
I know the meds will help but they take atleast 2-4 weeks to work and I cant envisage me having to face work until then, Im already due to receive an official warning this week because I had a "chest infection" before Christmas when I just couldn't face work.

When I look back on my life I can pinpoint the slow spiral of my life aged 19 where everything started to go wrong and a negative outlook started and the vicious circle just got worse and worse. Losing a girlfriend, going bald and becoming a fully fledged gambling addict added to long term unemployment all within a few months at 19 really destroyed my self esteem and its never recovered.
I have clear self esteem issues which Ive tried to solve but nothing works, I see other people with seemingly happy lives and contentment and im just so lost and confused. Ive cried about 3 days this Christmas and its the best ive felt because I atleast get that a release of tension building up and I can act on the pain

Ive spent so many hours reading about depression on the net, on forums in books everywhere that there is nothing I don't feel I know about it but still im here. Ive tried the motivational quotes, the affirmations the blogs everything [Poor language removed] all seems to work because once its inside of you the doubt and self hate is just there.
Ah well it feels momentarily good to vent roll on 7pm when I go to the doctors
have a good day all

Hi mate. I cant really add more than the other responses on the majority of your post so to save danger of repeating them i will leave that part.

But on the love front, might i suggest internet dating or through a dating agency? I am the same age as yourself and being the person i am in the current situation with mates then i would be finding it hard to meet women as well. That would be something i would start doing if i wanted to meet someone but found chances limited. I can understand where your anxiety would kick in but remember if you arrange a date with someone, they are looking for someone just as much as you are then, so they probably feel the same!

Not sure if that is helpful in any way mate, but it is what came to my mind reading.

 

[The Esk]

Morning blues
I'm going through a tough time and don't know where to turn. Firstly I've got a amazing family, parents, brothers and sisters and so many great friends. Lastly the best wife I could possibly wish for. She amazing yet I feel the loneliest person in the world. I'm depressed I know I am, have been for a couple of years now. I can't talk to anyone about it as I feel ashamed and also a failure. The issue I have everyone thinks I'm the strong one. I'm always smiling having a laugh, cracking a joke and trying to help others with their issues people will always say he's the last person to feel down or depressed.
My self asteem is at a all time low, I feel that I can't do anything what I mean by that I always think I'm no good at it and I'm doing it wrong. Things are coming to a head and a lot of its now financial and I feel I'm sinking. Last night I got upset cause I was trying to plug a usb cable in to my TV and I couldt after 30 seconds I realised I was trying to plug it in to the hdmi port, funny that, yet in my mind another thing I can't do anything right. That's what made me think I need to get things of my chest. I'm finding writing this really emotional.
I'll try and give some background. Got made redundant late 2013. Now I was depressed in my old job so I thought it was that but not sure it was. I suffered from anxiety always thinking the worst. The last 15 months I've tried starting my own business and if I'm brutally honest it not going well and that makes me feel ashamed and a failure. The problem I have is in my business I always think I'm going to do a bad job (even though I've had nothing but positive feedback) so I charge cheap which doesn't help. When my phone rings I'm scared to pick it up and nervous in case it's a call for a quote. The problem is I know I will probably do a great job as I've done great jobs previously but in mind that will be the call I will mess everything up. I very rarely sleep at night through worry and now I know the money we bring in won't cover all our outgoings. Last night the wife tried to talk to me about getting another loan to pay of another credit card which is high interest, I snapped at her as I was watching everton and she apologised. It killed me inside cause she works so hard 8-6 6 days a week. I have a son who is the best and I coach his football team but we lose every game and I feel that's my fault and I'm letting them down even though they are u7. This morning I just hugged him while we watched avengers in bed before we got up to get him ready for school. I had to hold back the tears cause I think I should do better for him. But I know I'm a great dad to him but still feel I'm letting him down cause I can't provide financially. I know any of my friends or family will say I could talk to them but I can't as I know I'll break down and I don't want that as I don't want people to see I'm a failure. My wife knows something up but she just thinks I'm tired as I'm not sleeping well she doesn't know how I really feel and I know she'll be fab but feel like I'm letting everyone down. I feel selfish cause I'm sure my wife is worrying but she's staying strong as I think she doesn't want to add to me not sleeping. This is the first time I've mentioned any of this cause I can't do it face to face.
Last year one evening I snapped at the wife over nothing and didn't speak to her all night even though she did nothing wrong and that night I cried thinking everyone would much better of without me. I know that is most definitely not the case but it's in my head.

Mate that's a very brave post, well done for putting it down and sharing on here.

I can't reply in detail now, will send you a PM later.

Just to say though, you don't sound a failure to me (although appreciate you may feel that way). You have a family who love you and support you, and after redundancy you did the best thing to support your family by setting up a business.

However you are feeling though, you don't have to do it all alone. Find the courage to share with someone known to you, if not your wife, a friend or other family member or professional counsellor or GP.

You've started the process of sharing today, so congratulations on that. I'm sure others here will add to my comments too.

 

[kithnou]

Morning blues
I'm going through a tough time and don't know where to turn. Firstly I've got a amazing family, parents, brothers and sisters and so many great friends. Lastly the best wife I could possibly wish for. She amazing yet I feel the loneliest person in the world. I'm depressed I know I am, have been for a couple of years now. I can't talk to anyone about it as I feel ashamed and also a failure. The issue I have everyone thinks I'm the strong one. I'm always smiling having a laugh, cracking a joke and trying to help others with their issues people will always say he's the last person to feel down or depressed.
My self asteem is at a all time low, I feel that I can't do anything what I mean by that I always think I'm no good at it and I'm doing it wrong. Things are coming to a head and a lot of its now financial and I feel I'm sinking. Last night I got upset cause I was trying to plug a usb cable in to my TV and I couldt after 30 seconds I realised I was trying to plug it in to the hdmi port, funny that, yet in my mind another thing I can't do anything right. That's what made me think I need to get things of my chest. I'm finding writing this really emotional.
I'll try and give some background. Got made redundant late 2013. Now I was depressed in my old job so I thought it was that but not sure it was. I suffered from anxiety always thinking the worst. The last 15 months I've tried starting my own business and if I'm brutally honest it not going well and that makes me feel ashamed and a failure. The problem I have is in my business I always think I'm going to do a bad job (even though I've had nothing but positive feedback) so I charge cheap which doesn't help. When my phone rings I'm scared to pick it up and nervous in case it's a call for a quote. The problem is I know I will probably do a great job as I've done great jobs previously but in mind that will be the call I will mess everything up. I very rarely sleep at night through worry and now I know the money we bring in won't cover all our outgoings. Last night the wife tried to talk to me about getting another loan to pay of another credit card which is high interest, I snapped at her as I was watching everton and she apologised. It killed me inside cause she works so hard 8-6 6 days a week. I have a son who is the best and I coach his football team but we lose every game and I feel that's my fault and I'm letting them down even though they are u7. This morning I just hugged him while we watched avengers in bed before we got up to get him ready for school. I had to hold back the tears cause I think I should do better for him. But I know I'm a great dad to him but still feel I'm letting him down cause I can't provide financially. I know any of my friends or family will say I could talk to them but I can't as I know I'll break down and I don't want that as I don't want people to see I'm a failure. My wife knows something up but she just thinks I'm tired as I'm not sleeping well she doesn't know how I really feel and I know she'll be fab but feel like I'm letting everyone down. I feel selfish cause I'm sure my wife is worrying but she's staying strong as I think she doesn't want to add to me not sleeping. This is the first time I've mentioned any of this cause I can't do it face to face.
Last year one evening I snapped at the wife over nothing and didn't speak to her all night even though she did nothing wrong and that night I cried thinking everyone would much better of without me. I know that is most definitely not the case but it's in my head.

If I can just follow on from what @the esk wrote.
You have so many positive things in your life going for you my man. I wish I could have some of those in my life
You are in no way a failure. You are giving back to the community and trying your best for your family.
It is a rough patch you are going through but it won't be forever.
Definitely go speak with a professional. I am no expert, but if talking regularly with someone helps to at least get a weight of your shoulders and even helps you to get some better sleep at night, you are on the right path.

 

[helpimonfire]

Davies and Keverton. First of all can I say that you have both made the move in the right direction by posting here. It takes huge courage to talk about how you feel, keep going. Go see your doctor, most are very understanding about this condition. Counseling can be great for you. I went along thinking it would be rubbish, what can they tell me. I was amazed by them, they really helped me. Also helped me understand why I feel the way I do. I was ashamed and and would not tell my family or mates, it almost led to my death. When I told them they were incredible. They never judged me, just helped me and loved me. If you can not talk to them yet then talk to a doctor or an therapist. Their are helplines and websites you can look at. You are not failing at anything, you are not useless, it is a condition, and it can be managed. Keep talking to us on here. And if you need a good cry then have one, no shame in it.

Good Luck.