Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Simon Buttle]

I think this might belong here. It relates to my mother who is having a really, really tough time due to my brother (he still lives at home) who has a gambling addiction and refuses to admit that a - he is an addict, and b - that he needs help. I want to help her because neither my other brother or father are interested or prepared to support her. He (younger brother) has ruined my mother financially as she naively took out a loan to cover all of his dumb payday loans and debts he amassed (and he refuses to pay back what he owes) and now I want to do whatever I can help her. Is anybody aware of an effective website blocking software that I can have her install to completely block gambling sites and payday loan sites on their home internet? I know he would still be able to access via his mobile data plan, but I would just like to make it as difficult as possible for him to get onto this sites. Thanks.

There is something called GamCare which i know can block gambling websites, not sure about payday loans and that sort of thing, there is plugin software and stuff you can get though that should be able to help you out with what you need.

 

[Tipp blue]

I think this might belong here. It relates to my mother who is having a really, really tough time due to my brother (he still lives at home) who has a gambling addiction and refuses to admit that a - he is an addict, and b - that he needs help. I want to help her because neither my other brother or father are interested or prepared to support her. He (younger brother) has ruined my mother financially as she naively took out a loan to cover all of his dumb payday loans and debts he amassed (and he refuses to pay back what he owes) and now I want to do whatever I can help her. Is anybody aware of an effective website blocking software that I can have her install to completely block gambling sites and payday loan sites on their home internet? I know he would still be able to access via his mobile data plan, but I would just like to make it as difficult as possible for him to get onto this sites. Thanks.

Probably won't be easy as you say he'll find gambling elsewhere, but any of the web blocking apps can do it, gambling in my opinion is the worst addiction as you believe that you can bet your way out of problems no other addiction does this no alcoholic thinks they can drink their way to recovery, like any addict his first step will be admitting he has a problem, without that he'll be very difficult to help, you gave a long difficult road ahead of you are to help him and good luck with it, here's a few gambling blockers you could also contact Paddy Power for some advice.

http://responsiblegaming.paddypower.com/support-organizations/3rd-party-tools/a

 

[Big Fat Sam]

Probably won't be easy as you say he'll find gambling elsewhere, but any of the web blocking apps can do it, gambling in my opinion is the worst addiction as you believe that you can bet your way out of problems no other addiction does this no alcoholic thinks they can drink their way to recovery, like any addict his first step will be admitting he has a problem, without that he'll be very difficult to help, you gave a long difficult road ahead of you are to help him and good luck with it, here's a few gambling blockers you could also contact Paddy Power for some advice.

http://responsiblegaming.paddypower.com/support-organizations/3rd-party-tools/a

Thanks a lot mate! Unfortunately he will not admit he has a problem. In fact, he's not even admitted that the 10k he's lost (money from our grandmother's inheritance that mysteriously disappeared) went to gambling, but we know it did as that's what he is into. We know there is no way he'll admit he has a problem, so I would just like to do what I can to try and make it difficult for him to access the sites while at home. Anything is better than nothing, right?

 

[PhilM]

I think this might belong here. It relates to my mother who is having a really, really tough time due to my brother (he still lives at home) who has a gambling addiction and refuses to admit that a - he is an addict, and b - that he needs help. I want to help her because neither my other brother or father are interested or prepared to support her. He (younger brother) has ruined my mother financially as she naively took out a loan to cover all of his dumb payday loans and debts he amassed (and he refuses to pay back what he owes) and now I want to do whatever I can help her. Is anybody aware of an effective website blocking software that I can have her install to completely block gambling sites and payday loan sites on their home internet? I know he would still be able to access via his mobile data plan, but I would just like to make it as difficult as possible for him to get onto this sites. Thanks.

Hopefully mods it's okay to go slightly off topic, however I read an article in the Times today where Bet365 are legally offering 'incentives' to loyal customers.

By loyal customers and incentives, I mean that if you've lost over £15k in a year then they'll offer up to a 10% rebate on these loses, working on a pro-rata scale.

There's also other incentives including tickets to events with greater increasing loses meaning a higher level of reward, such as major races and cup finals.

Obviously it's only a part, but no wonder people like your brother struggle with gambling addictions when companies can entice customers with strategies like this.

With regards to blocking certain websites, then there's firewall options you can get for the router which can help blocking sites - perhaps speak to their ISP?

 

[Big Fat Sam]

Hopefully mods it's okay to go slightly off topic, however I read an article in the Times today where Bet365 are legally offering 'incentives' to loyal customers.

By loyal customers and incentives, I mean that if you've lost over £15k in a year then they'll offer up to a 10% rebate on these loses, working on a pro-rata scale.

There's also other incentives including tickets to events with greater increasing loses meaning a higher level of reward, such as major races and cup finals.

Obviously it's only a part, but no wonder people like your brother struggle with gambling addictions when companies can entice customers with strategies like this.

With regards to blocking certain websites, then there's firewall options you can get for the router which can help blocking sites - perhaps speak to their ISP?

Thanks mate. Yeah, it's bleedin' awful how people are enticed to the sites and offered all sorts so that they stay there. And then you turn on the TV and it's before/during/after every single game you watch, on the shirts, billboards, you get letters in the post with free bets to get you back, emails, the lot. The fella is absolutely broke so just turns to another payday loan and starts all over again. Nightmare. Thanks for your input, and the others too. Appreciated.

 

[PhilM]

Thanks mate. Yeah, it's bleedin' awful how people are enticed to the sites and offered all sorts so that they stay there. And then you turn on the TV and it's before/during/after every single game you watch, on the shirts, billboards, you get letters in the post with free bets to get you back, emails, the lot. The fella is absolutely broke so just turns to another payday loan and starts all over again. Nightmare. Thanks for your input, and the others too. Appreciated.

They're another massive vice. I understand how they can be helpful to people who are borrowing the money responsibly, but most you'd expect aren't.

Huge levels of APR on loans which typical lenders (say your bank etc.) would probably refused based on credit scores etc., and then they harass to get it back.

 

[Bungle]

I think this might belong here. It relates to my mother who is having a really, really tough time due to my brother (he still lives at home) who has a gambling addiction and refuses to admit that a - he is an addict, and b - that he needs help. I want to help her because neither my other brother or father are interested or prepared to support her. He (younger brother) has ruined my mother financially as she naively took out a loan to cover all of his dumb payday loans and debts he amassed (and he refuses to pay back what he owes) and now I want to do whatever I can help her. Is anybody aware of an effective website blocking software that I can have her install to completely block gambling sites and payday loan sites on their home internet? I know he would still be able to access via his mobile data plan, but I would just like to make it as difficult as possible for him to get onto this sites. Thanks.

My brother was the same a few years back, was spending all his wage the day he got paid, then helping himself to his mrs money and then using whatever means possible to hide it all until he had no way out. Unfortunately if it's your mum on her own trying to deal with it then it's difficult other than trying to limit his access to sites, but that's not a permanent solution and will probably just aggravate him more. We all sat down with my brother and made him aware of what he had to lose and where his life was heading, a bit of an ambush but desperate times and all that. Anyway I took him to GA every week for a while and that was the best form of treatment for it, he got to see people that had hit rock bottom and done things beyond comprehension to try and feed their habit, within a couple of sessions the shock had all but sorted him out but you need to persist with it so as not to slip back into bad habits. Me and his Mrs took control of all the money and his wages and basically dished out an allowance until we were convinced he was sorted and that worked perfectly, also made him realise how much he was wasting and he's now saved enough for a deposit on a place so a complete turnaround.

It's a tricky one if there's nobody able to do that sort of thing with him, we were fortunate in that my brother was receptive to the help rather than fight it, but just blocking sites isn't going to get you the results you want as there'll be other ways of gambling. Someone needs to have a serious word with him and grab him by the scruff of the neck if necessary until he understands the wider impact it's having on his family. It's a crap situation mate but being brutally honest with him is the best way forward.

 

[The Missing Lineker]

A very relevant discussion, I think. Gambling is an addiction and recognised as a mental impairment.

 

[Simon Buttle]

Thanks mate. Yeah, it's bleedin' awful how people are enticed to the sites and offered all sorts so that they stay there. And then you turn on the TV and it's before/during/after every single game you watch, on the shirts, billboards, you get letters in the post with free bets to get you back, emails, the lot. The fella is absolutely broke so just turns to another payday loan and starts all over again. Nightmare. Thanks for your input, and the others too. Appreciated.

The payday loan stuff you can stop by contacting the people who deal with credit scores and you can do it as a concerned family member and have a note put on your brothers file that he can't make proper decisions when it comes to money and they won't lend anything to him.

 

[YoboCopter]

The payday loan stuff you can stop by contacting the people who deal with credit scores and you can do it as a concerned family member and have a note put on your brothers file that he can't make proper decisions when it comes to money and they won't lend anything to him.

Only problem with that is he could go down loan shark route? Which in turn would be even worse on every level

As above a ambush/bit of anger type meeting might work, shake him up make him see sense..

Just asking nicely wont do it imo

 

[roydo]

A very relevant discussion, I think. Gambling is an addiction and recognised as a mental impairment.

Very much so.

 

[Simon Buttle]

Only problem with that is he could go down loan shark route? Which in turn would be even worse on every level

As above a ambush/bit of anger type meeting might work, shake him up make him see sense..

Just asking nicely wont do it imo

That is very true tbh and it is the last thing anyone wants im sure. It was just something i was having a quick read of and whilst there is no app or plugin as such(like with gambling sites) it said that if you contact the credit score people and explain the situation they will put a note on file which stops future lending.

 

[Big Fat Sam]

My brother was the same a few years back, was spending all his wage the day he got paid, then helping himself to his mrs money and then using whatever means possible to hide it all until he had no way out. Unfortunately if it's your mum on her own trying to deal with it then it's difficult other than trying to limit his access to sites, but that's not a permanent solution and will probably just aggravate him more. We all sat down with my brother and made him aware of what he had to lose and where his life was heading, a bit of an ambush but desperate times and all that. Anyway I took him to GA every week for a while and that was the best form of treatment for it, he got to see people that had hit rock bottom and done things beyond comprehension to try and feed their habit, within a couple of sessions the shock had all but sorted him out but you need to persist with it so as not to slip back into bad habits. Me and his Mrs took control of all the money and his wages and basically dished out an allowance until we were convinced he was sorted and that worked perfectly, also made him realise how much he was wasting and he's now saved enough for a deposit on a place so a complete turnaround.

It's a tricky one if there's nobody able to do that sort of thing with him, we were fortunate in that my brother was receptive to the help rather than fight it, but just blocking sites isn't going to get you the results you want as there'll be other ways of gambling. Someone needs to have a serious word with him and grab him by the scruff of the neck if necessary until he understands the wider impact it's having on his family. It's a crap situation mate but being brutally honest with him is the best way forward.

Amazing post - thanks a lot. It's a shame how people can't see what they're doing to not only their lives but those around them too. He hit rock bottom this week when it came out that he'd be rummaging through my mother's things and had stolen holiday money (Euros) she had put aside for a trip we're going on this week. He initially blamed it on the builder they've got in, before admitting he robbed it two months ago. A complete shambles. Happy to see your brother straightened himself out, hopefully mine can too.

 

[Big Fat Sam]

The payday loan stuff you can stop by contacting the people who deal with credit scores and you can do it as a concerned family member and have a note put on your brothers file that he can't make proper decisions when it comes to money and they won't lend anything to him.

Will deffo look into that. Might be a great thing to do. Thanks for the heads up.

 

[Big Fat Sam]

The payday loan stuff you can stop by contacting the people who deal with credit scores and you can do it as a concerned family member and have a note put on your brothers file that he can't make proper decisions when it comes to money and they won't lend anything to him.

Would that be the likes of Equifax, Experian, CallCredit? That's what I've found from a quick Google. Sounds like a good option.