Iana
Player Valuation: £2.5m
There’s people who would pay good money for that type of showOh my word can you imagine this? My eyes are watering trying to imagine the joy.
I would have loved to go, but that night I am pulling out my own eyeballs with an ice cream scoop, wrapping the stalks around my head, before setting fire to my genitals, thrusting a tent peg through my right ear and out of my left ear, then hanging myself on a butchers hook by the nostrils and pouring sulphuric acid into my empty eye sockets while listening to The Anfield Rap.
Otherwise I'd have gone to that.