Jokes Thread

[Rita_Poon]

Reform UK: Stephen Hartley suspended after pro-Jimmy Savile tweets

Stephen Hartley was announced as a Reform UK candidate in the Banbury Hardwick ward, but has since been suspended.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[Milk]

A pen doctor showed up at my flat last night. She had travelled all the way from Madrid to fix my broken Biro.

“I didn’t expect you”, I said.

“Nobody expects the Spanish ink physician”, she replied..

 

[Tommy Chong]

 

[Milk]

My mate got a phone call from his doctor today telling him that the NHS had finally found him a penis transplant

I overheard him saying:

“Give it to me straight Doc … how long have I got?”

 

[Milk]

I was chatting to our local barmaid with the huge tits. I said "I'd love to take you out sometime"
She said "aww, that's nice"
I said "I was talking to your tits"

 

[Milk]

Women on dating sites are always like, 'Don't message me unless you're at least 6 feet and 2 inches.'

So I always do.

I'm 6 feet tall.

 

[Sadken]

What do you get if you pour boiling hot water down a rabbit hole?........hot cross bunnies .

 

[summerisle]

Loch Ness is over 200m deep, meaning that If Usain Bolt tried to run to the bottom of it...









He would drown.

Don't give up your day job.

 

[Kurt.]

 

[Milk]

How do you confuse an Irishman?

Tell him even though it says sparkling on the label, it's still water.