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Jokes to cheer us up
- Thread starter toffeesforme
- Start date
- Status
BlueTak
Player Valuation: £35m
Maybe old..
Two Midgets on a work holiday go into a bar. After a long hard day at work, the midgets decide to get a prostitute each.
So they get their prostitues and head for their hotel. After a hour in the room one of the midgets couln't get it up, he was so upset and to make it worse all he could hear coming from his friends room was 1.2.3 ah,ah oh ah.
So they wake up the next morning and one of midgets ask the other "how was your night?"
He replies "Terrible. I couldn't even get it up!"
The other replies "you think thats bad, I couldn't even get on the bed!"
Two Midgets on a work holiday go into a bar. After a long hard day at work, the midgets decide to get a prostitute each.
So they get their prostitues and head for their hotel. After a hour in the room one of the midgets couln't get it up, he was so upset and to make it worse all he could hear coming from his friends room was 1.2.3 ah,ah oh ah.
So they wake up the next morning and one of midgets ask the other "how was your night?"
He replies "Terrible. I couldn't even get it up!"
The other replies "you think thats bad, I couldn't even get on the bed!"
U
Upper Sturry Sherbets
Guest
The seven dwarfs were working down the mine when one day there was a big cave in.
The rescue team arrived and Snow White called down
'is anybody alive'
'LIVERPOOL ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO WIN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE' came a voice from within.
'well' she said, 'at least we know that Dopey is still alive'
The rescue team arrived and Snow White called down
'is anybody alive'
'LIVERPOOL ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO WIN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE' came a voice from within.
'well' she said, 'at least we know that Dopey is still alive'
linglong
Player Valuation: £25m
Maybe old..
Two Midgets on a work holiday go into a bar. After a long hard day at work, the midgets decide to get a prostitute each.
So they get their prostitues and head for their hotel. After a hour in the room one of the midgets couln't get it up, he was so upset and to make it worse all he could hear coming from his friends room was 1.2.3 ah,ah oh ah.
So they wake up the next morning and one of midgets ask the other "how was your night?"
He replies "Terrible. I couldn't even get it up!"
The other replies "you think thats bad, I couldn't even get on the bed!"
U
Upper Sturry Sherbets
Guest
my last for tonight.
A man walked into a bar with a really tiny head, ordered a drink and then went and sat in one of the corners.
After a while, the bartender got so suspicious that he went over.
'excuse me' he said, 'but I couldn;t help wondering why you have such a tiny head'
'well' said the other, 'I was walking along the beach one day and came across this mermaid who was stranded on the shore and she said if I put her back in the water she would grant me three wishes'
'so I asked her if I could live forever, to be a millionaire and for a good shag'
'she indicated her bottom half and said she would not be able to perform for me'
So, 'I asked her instead for a little head'
b)
A man walked into a bar with a really tiny head, ordered a drink and then went and sat in one of the corners.
After a while, the bartender got so suspicious that he went over.
'excuse me' he said, 'but I couldn;t help wondering why you have such a tiny head'
'well' said the other, 'I was walking along the beach one day and came across this mermaid who was stranded on the shore and she said if I put her back in the water she would grant me three wishes'
'so I asked her if I could live forever, to be a millionaire and for a good shag'
'she indicated her bottom half and said she would not be able to perform for me'
So, 'I asked her instead for a little head'
b)
bluebastardo
Player Valuation: £40m
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfK0jUycNR0[/media]
Whitebootman
Player Valuation: £35m
A chap walked into a bar and said ouch! It was an iron bar.
FC Brugge
Player Valuation: £2.5m
A man goes for a walk on the beach. After about 3 miles he hears a girl crying. He follows the sound and finds a girl with no limbs, staring at the sea, tears running down her face.
He asks her what's wrong, and she answers: "I'm 21, I've no arms and no legs and I've never been hugged.."
The man feels sorry for her and gives her a great big hug.
He walks on but the crying begins again so he goes back and asks what's wrong this time, and she answers: "I'm 21, I've no arms, no legs and I've never been kissed.."
He figures what the hell and makes out with her for a bit.
Pleased that he did his good deed for the day he walks on, but now she starts crying even louder - "I'm 21, no arms and no legs, and I've never been f*cked.."
He picks her up, throws her into the sea and says "Well you're f*cked now"
He asks her what's wrong, and she answers: "I'm 21, I've no arms and no legs and I've never been hugged.."
The man feels sorry for her and gives her a great big hug.
He walks on but the crying begins again so he goes back and asks what's wrong this time, and she answers: "I'm 21, I've no arms, no legs and I've never been kissed.."
He figures what the hell and makes out with her for a bit.
Pleased that he did his good deed for the day he walks on, but now she starts crying even louder - "I'm 21, no arms and no legs, and I've never been f*cked.."
He picks her up, throws her into the sea and says "Well you're f*cked now"
Bundy
Player Valuation: £35m
Arab 1 pulls of wallet with photos of kids to show Arab 2.
Arab 1: This is my son Akmul he is a terrorist. This is my other son Mahdi he is a terrorist too. This is my third son Mohammad he also is a terrorist.
Arab 2: (sighs wistfully) They blow up so fast don't they.
Arab 1: This is my son Akmul he is a terrorist. This is my other son Mahdi he is a terrorist too. This is my third son Mohammad he also is a terrorist.
Arab 2: (sighs wistfully) They blow up so fast don't they.
love it
Man says to doctor "video games have ruined my life". Its OK though i have two lives left.
U
Upper Sturry Sherbets
Guest
Why did John McCain shave between his wife's legs?
'Because he did not want to go down to a Bush'
:blink:
'Because he did not want to go down to a Bush'
:blink:
A man walked into a Pet Shop and placed a bomb on the counter. " You have 60 seconds to get out of the store" , he shouted as he legged it .
" YOU [Poor language removed] !!!" . yelled a tortoise
" YOU [Poor language removed] !!!" . yelled a tortoise
Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian
The Unobstructed View
the r/s have named kuyt as captain.
best one all day that.
shootzen das threadzen
best one all day that.
shootzen das threadzen
bluebastardo
Player Valuation: £40m
TX Bill
Player Valuation: £80m
A mass murderer escapes from prison, and breaks into a house.
Upstairs, he finds a couple in bed, and promptly overpowers the man and ties him to a bedroom chair.
He then goes over to the woman and starts kissing her neck, before disappearing into the ensuite bathroom.
While he's gone , the man says to his wife " Honey - this guy is dangerous. He obviously fancies you after kissing your neck. Just let him do what ever he wants to you, and we'll both be fine. Be strong. I love you."
His wife replies " Honey - He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear that he is gay, and finds you very attractive. He then asked if we had any vaseline, to which I told him it was in the bathroom cabinet. Be strong. I love you too."
Must spread rep.....
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