Messymascot's faith in humanity and ginger safe haven

[Val P]

I’ve spent the night and now early morning with my wife. I look at her chair and when she looks tired I change her and put her to bed. Unfortunately I then sit in the lounge and look at her empty chair. Then I think of what will come. I’ve just spent the last hour crying while looking at an empty chair. I know that most of my friends have lost their partners over the last twelve months and while I put on a brave face and try to give comfort to them, in these lonely hours looking at an empty chair, even though Kay is asleep in bed, I can’t handle it. I don’t know if my tears help or just make it worse. I know by the morning I will be my usual self and just get on with things, but it’s the private times on my own in the night that is killing me. I’ve not been able to share this with any of my close friends because I have to be their ‘rock’ during their mourning, which is why I release it in here. I really don’t mean to upset anyone as we all have issues to deal with, but I hope you don’t mind me sharing as I’ve no one else at the moment who I can really share with…….

As others have said you must continue to share with us and although there’s little we can do practically we are all here to listen and hear you. I’m sorry if this does sound preachy but you too are grieving- for the woman you knew that was Kay before this cruel illness took her away from you, and for the life you were both able to share and the dreams and hopes you had for your future. You have so much loss to deal with even though Kay is still with you. As @jazzy and @Gwladysover said, sharing this with your friends and family might not be a bad idea. You are very much in my thoughts .