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Never had a girlfriend, thought I would ask for some advice from GOT

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No chance, the post he was replying to was 2nd best post of the year...the best was when @caught called out the chap who allegedly made his mother in law drink his own pee and rolled his father in law down the street...

That was a game changer

If someone could please link me to this I will die happy.
 
Hiya mate!

Just wanna say thanks massively for this advice. I've been incorporating it into my STRATEGY recently and have seen some good results, but I also have some follow-up questions around issues of SEALING THE DEAL and such.

1. I've been going to a vegetarian cooking class and have found a good candidate. She's nice and bendy, which I agree is important. I'm pretty handy with a knife but, as you recommended, pretended I was useless by holding it by the blade and slamming it into my genital area until everyone started too scream (GIRLS ARE SUCH SISSIES!! HAHA). The OBJECT of my affection came over to ask if I was OK (CONTACT MADE!!), at which point I was able climb from a pool of my own blood and smear a little on my lips whilst remaining completely silent (and MYSTERIOUS!). Question: The cooking instructor has requested I refrain from returning to class. Should I continue to simply wait outside the room near the window, holding the knife and smearing blood on my lips?

2. I overheard my OBJECT say that she wanted to learn to cook vegetarian food because she loves rabbits and pigs too much to eat them. I now have nine rabbits and seven pigs in the back of my car. Should I deliver them to her doorstep periodically over the next few weeks or place them all in some kind of ribboned box as a single gift?

3. Re. Catharsis: I took on board your suggestion to be a bit of a jerk (MAKE UP SEX!!) and did a small poo through her letterbox after following her home. Unfortunately, she lives with her parents. I guess her mother is something of a night owl and caught me in the act. The upshot is that her mother is now in a ribboned box with the four remaining pigs and a few rabbit carcasses, and every time I try to poke an air hole in the box I hear a ghastly scream. Is there a good playlist for this scenario?

Thanks again for all your help!


You need more pigs........bleeding amateur.......
 
Hiya mate!

Just wanna say thanks massively for this advice. I've been incorporating it into my STRATEGY recently and have seen some good results, but I also have some follow-up questions around issues of SEALING THE DEAL and such.

1. I've been going to a vegetarian cooking class and have found a good candidate. She's nice and bendy, which I agree is important. I'm pretty handy with a knife but, as you recommended, pretended I was useless by holding it by the blade and slamming it into my genital area until everyone started too scream (GIRLS ARE SUCH SISSIES!! HAHA). The OBJECT of my affection came over to ask if I was OK (CONTACT MADE!!), at which point I was able climb from a pool of my own blood and smear a little on my lips whilst remaining completely silent (and MYSTERIOUS!). Question: The cooking instructor has requested I refrain from returning to class. Should I continue to simply wait outside the room near the window, holding the knife and smearing blood on my lips?

2. I overheard my OBJECT say that she wanted to learn to cook vegetarian food because she loves rabbits and pigs too much to eat them. I now have nine rabbits and seven pigs in the back of my car. Should I deliver them to her doorstep periodically over the next few weeks or place them all in some kind of ribboned box as a single gift?

3. Re. Catharsis: I took on board your suggestion to be a bit of a jerk (MAKE UP SEX!!) and did a small poo through her letterbox after following her home. Unfortunately, she lives with her parents. I guess her mother is something of a night owl and caught me in the act. The upshot is that her mother is now in a ribboned box with the four remaining pigs and a few rabbit carcasses, and every time I try to poke an air hole in the box I hear a ghastly scream. Is there a good playlist for this scenario?

Thanks again for all your help!

I'm so proud to have nominated GOT as the greatest social media football site in history. (beams)

I said we'd have our strategy sorted as soon as we sent Martinez packing.
 
Hi there,

For me it's all about tactics. Know your strengths and weaknesses, a bit like football.

Preliminary remark; for the love of god don't mix drink and women. It only has negative effects.

For starters you should try to pick a location that suits you. I'm not the most bubbly guy, I don't do well in bars. I can't use internet dating for professional reasons. The solution: I do things that place me in direct contact with women in reasonably small groups. It helps if there's a gender imbalance. In college this is sort of easy because of the huge gender imbalance already, afterwards it becomes more challenging. For instance you could try cooking lessons (I liked vegetarian cooking lessons - even if you're an excellent cook act like an idiot they will help you...), language lessons at university language centers (bigger chance to find your corresponding age group).

The most important thing with women is how you make them feel. You should always remember this! You can use this to your advantage. In the beginning always leave on a high, not when she's bored or such or she will remember this and think you're boring. It's a bit like horses. Leave when it's still fun, leave her craving for more. Also I absolutely hate and despise every form of texting and calling. I tell them this beforehand. Even so (in the pre-relationship era) text/use a homing pigeon/mail her before she goes to bed. You want to be the last thing she thinks about before she goes to sleep. It doesn't have to be long, something simple. It can also be something that keeps her guessing if you like her or not. Go wild, but I recommend refraining from dickpics.

Next topic: how you represent yourself. It goes without saying that your personal hygiene should be spot on. You should always wear well fitting clothes. Don't wear clothes that are too big/small. When in doubt ask the shop assistant, I always do. If you don't have a clue what to wear buy a book that explains basic stuff like how to match colors, essentials for in your wardrobe etc... . It sounds like a lot of work but it isn't; once you know the basics and own the classic essentials you can get by with shopping once a year. Your clothes don't have to be expensive, only clean. If you want to spend big, prioritize the shoes. Also when you're in a relationship, please don't let your girlfriend/wife do the shopping for you. They dress you up like children. Do your own shopping. Lots of women will dress you down, to protect their possession. A decent haircut, that matches your head, is also important. Ask your hairdresser.

Speaking to women. This isn't difficult. Just reflect your personality. But please don't tell your whole life-story on date 1, keep some air of mystery. After all, if she knows everything about you why would she want to see you again? This also firm advice for later in the relationship, complete openness is idiotic.

I'm quiet, a good listener and the mysterious type (translation: I don't really like talking). So the few words I say have to be spot on. For me a good first date is one, where I've done hardly any talking. You keep them guessing but you know more about them. Plus women like it when people listen to them. You have to really listen to them though, but not in a friendzone kind of way - I trust you know the difference. Remember every detail, it will come in handy later on in the relationship. For instance: next date you can ask how's X who... to demonstrate you've listened to her. Or one time one girl told me about the fact she really liked a certain brand of chocolates. I bought them for her the next date, she was ecstatic and thanked me accordingly. It also makes your life easier during the relationship btw. Window-shopping; lot's of women will point to things they like. You can buy such things for their birthday, imaginary Hallmark day that you aren't allowed to forget, ... .

Concerning gift giving. Potlach. I mostly go all out on this subject, during Christmas, their birthday ... . This is because most women are like cars. They are very giving, generous creatures but they have to be fueled up from time to time. Buying gifts is a way to do this. It doesn't have to be expensive just thoughtful. Sentimental stuff is appreciated, like scrapbooks containing all sorts of relics from year 1 of your relationship.

It works very much in your favor, if you're able to make her laugh (and make her feel good). Don't overdo it. That will make you come off like a clown. Beware of self-deprecating humor, this can be fine and demonstrate your self-confidence but don't overdo it . Case in point: a mate of mine once told a girl about his small penis. He told her that there were two guys next to him at the urinals and one burst out laughing after seeing his penis. Don't do that, she might laugh but she also won't be very interested. Things like this can be your ehm little secret.

We've already touched upon the subject of identifying the kind of woman that you want and deserve. For instance I like slim, smart, bendy women. I've followed vegetarian cooking classes, loads of them there. Incidentally all of my girlfriends practiced ballet. I'm not going to frequent ballet lessons, do something you feel reasonably comfortable with and that allows you to sort of shine in your own way.

Now, I'll assume you've scored a date with a woman that you're interested in. If you've met her in things like cooking lessons or such you can directly proceed with a proper date. If you've spend less time with her, please take her on a pre-date. Go drink coffee with her, and see if you can stand her. No squeaky voice or such. Or 88 (Heil Hitler) tattoos you can only discern in real life.

A proper date. This you must decide for yourself, you know the object of your affections. A couple of examples. I once broke into a cemetery like sacre coeur. Proper first date; really sets the mood. Romantic environment and such. Climbing over fences raises the adrenaline level. If she's wearing a dress you can get a nice view, when you're helping her over the walls. If she's into ballet, go watch the Romeo and Juliet ballet ... It's easy enough. Whatever you do just keep calm and composed. She's there because she wants to be there with you, nothing to stress about. A good way to filter gold diggers is only pay for the first two dates; afterwards she can start paying half. Ideally she asks you on the first one if she has to contribute.

What I'm going to say now, might seem unnecessary but I'm going to do it just in case. You've got to get her accustomed to your touch. Of course you start of lightly, this is the non-erogenous zones. Hands, upper back ... When she responds well to this, you can start doing things like lingering fingers on her wrist (very good zone), elbows ... And so on. So in the beginning your touching is non-sexual and later on you can escalate to the good stuff.

Setting the mood. Use playlists. I recommend using songs like () , (), (), ().

How to make sure you don't get caught in an abusive relationship. Simple. A relationship should be a construction that makes both of you better. Abide by this rule. If it doesn't add up; end the relationship. In my experience a relationship is de facto finished when one party doesn't believe that the other party has the best interests of the other party at heart. Also be careful not to lose your own identity in the relationship; I see that happen a lot with first timers. When the whole thing comes crashing down; they feel extra down because they start facing existential questions. Don't be needy, needy partners are annoying.

I wish I could give you some more ideas to meet women, but I don't know a lot about Wales. Except that there are lots of sheep there.

Catharsis. Women like catharsis. Don't always behave exemplary. Sometimes be a bit of a jerk; don't answer her phone calls or such. Don't go overboard like sleeping with her sister. I'm talking about small annoyances.

This felt extremely uncomfortable to write, but I felt a bit sorry for you. I think if you sort of follow the things I've written you'll have a relationship in no time. Also keep in mind you're only 25, you've still got loads of time for serious relationships. Have fun!


image.png
 

Hiya mate!

Just wanna say thanks massively for this advice. I've been incorporating it into my STRATEGY recently and have seen some good results, but I also have some follow-up questions around issues of SEALING THE DEAL and such.

1. I've been going to a vegetarian cooking class and have found a good candidate. She's nice and bendy, which I agree is important. I'm pretty handy with a knife but, as you recommended, pretended I was useless by holding it by the blade and slamming it into my genital area until everyone started too scream (GIRLS ARE SUCH SISSIES!! HAHA). The OBJECT of my affection came over to ask if I was OK (CONTACT MADE!!), at which point I was able climb from a pool of my own blood and smear a little on my lips whilst remaining completely silent (and MYSTERIOUS!). Question: The cooking instructor has requested I refrain from returning to class. Should I continue to simply wait outside the room near the window, holding the knife and smearing blood on my lips?

2. I overheard my OBJECT say that she wanted to learn to cook vegetarian food because she loves rabbits and pigs too much to eat them. I now have nine rabbits and seven pigs in the back of my car. Should I deliver them to her doorstep periodically over the next few weeks or place them all in some kind of ribboned box as a single gift?

3. Re. Catharsis: I took on board your suggestion to be a bit of a jerk (MAKE UP SEX!!) and did a small poo through her letterbox after following her home. Unfortunately, she lives with her parents. I guess her mother is something of a night owl and caught me in the act. The upshot is that her mother is now in a ribboned box with the four remaining pigs and a few rabbit carcasses, and every time I try to poke an air hole in the box I hear a ghastly scream. Is there a good playlist for this scenario?

Thanks again for all your help!

Crying. How did you even dream that up?
 

Hi there,

For me it's all about tactics. Know your strengths and weaknesses, a bit like football.

Preliminary remark; for the love of god don't mix drink and women. It only has negative effects.

For starters you should try to pick a location that suits you. I'm not the most bubbly guy, I don't do well in bars. I can't use internet dating for professional reasons. The solution: I do things that place me in direct contact with women in reasonably small groups. It helps if there's a gender imbalance. In college this is sort of easy because of the huge gender imbalance already, afterwards it becomes more challenging. For instance you could try cooking lessons (I liked vegetarian cooking lessons - even if you're an excellent cook act like an idiot they will help you...), language lessons at university language centers (bigger chance to find your corresponding age group).

The most important thing with women is how you make them feel. You should always remember this! You can use this to your advantage. In the beginning always leave on a high, not when she's bored or such or she will remember this and think you're boring. It's a bit like horses. Leave when it's still fun, leave her craving for more. Also I absolutely hate and despise every form of texting and calling. I tell them this beforehand. Even so (in the pre-relationship era) text/use a homing pigeon/mail her before she goes to bed. You want to be the last thing she thinks about before she goes to sleep. It doesn't have to be long, something simple. It can also be something that keeps her guessing if you like her or not. Go wild, but I recommend refraining from dickpics.

Next topic: how you represent yourself. It goes without saying that your personal hygiene should be spot on. You should always wear well fitting clothes. Don't wear clothes that are too big/small. When in doubt ask the shop assistant, I always do. If you don't have a clue what to wear buy a book that explains basic stuff like how to match colors, essentials for in your wardrobe etc... . It sounds like a lot of work but it isn't; once you know the basics and own the classic essentials you can get by with shopping once a year. Your clothes don't have to be expensive, only clean. If you want to spend big, prioritize the shoes. Also when you're in a relationship, please don't let your girlfriend/wife do the shopping for you. They dress you up like children. Do your own shopping. Lots of women will dress you down, to protect their possession. A decent haircut, that matches your head, is also important. Ask your hairdresser.

Speaking to women. This isn't difficult. Just reflect your personality. But please don't tell your whole life-story on date 1, keep some air of mystery. After all, if she knows everything about you why would she want to see you again? This also firm advice for later in the relationship, complete openness is idiotic.

I'm quiet, a good listener and the mysterious type (translation: I don't really like talking). So the few words I say have to be spot on. For me a good first date is one, where I've done hardly any talking. You keep them guessing but you know more about them. Plus women like it when people listen to them. You have to really listen to them though, but not in a friendzone kind of way - I trust you know the difference. Remember every detail, it will come in handy later on in the relationship. For instance: next date you can ask how's X who... to demonstrate you've listened to her. Or one time one girl told me about the fact she really liked a certain brand of chocolates. I bought them for her the next date, she was ecstatic and thanked me accordingly. It also makes your life easier during the relationship btw. Window-shopping; lot's of women will point to things they like. You can buy such things for their birthday, imaginary Hallmark day that you aren't allowed to forget, ... .

Concerning gift giving. Potlach. I mostly go all out on this subject, during Christmas, their birthday ... . This is because most women are like cars. They are very giving, generous creatures but they have to be fueled up from time to time. Buying gifts is a way to do this. It doesn't have to be expensive just thoughtful. Sentimental stuff is appreciated, like scrapbooks containing all sorts of relics from year 1 of your relationship.

It works very much in your favor, if you're able to make her laugh (and make her feel good). Don't overdo it. That will make you come off like a clown. Beware of self-deprecating humor, this can be fine and demonstrate your self-confidence but don't overdo it . Case in point: a mate of mine once told a girl about his small penis. He told her that there were two guys next to him at the urinals and one burst out laughing after seeing his penis. Don't do that, she might laugh but she also won't be very interested. Things like this can be your ehm little secret.

We've already touched upon the subject of identifying the kind of woman that you want and deserve. For instance I like slim, smart, bendy women. I've followed vegetarian cooking classes, loads of them there. Incidentally all of my girlfriends practiced ballet. I'm not going to frequent ballet lessons, do something you feel reasonably comfortable with and that allows you to sort of shine in your own way.

Now, I'll assume you've scored a date with a woman that you're interested in. If you've met her in things like cooking lessons or such you can directly proceed with a proper date. If you've spend less time with her, please take her on a pre-date. Go drink coffee with her, and see if you can stand her. No squeaky voice or such. Or 88 (Heil Hitler) tattoos you can only discern in real life.

A proper date. This you must decide for yourself, you know the object of your affections. A couple of examples. I once broke into a cemetery like sacre coeur. Proper first date; really sets the mood. Romantic environment and such. Climbing over fences raises the adrenaline level. If she's wearing a dress you can get a nice view, when you're helping her over the walls. If she's into ballet, go watch the Romeo and Juliet ballet ... It's easy enough. Whatever you do just keep calm and composed. She's there because she wants to be there with you, nothing to stress about. A good way to filter gold diggers is only pay for the first two dates; afterwards she can start paying half. Ideally she asks you on the first one if she has to contribute.

What I'm going to say now, might seem unnecessary but I'm going to do it just in case. You've got to get her accustomed to your touch. Of course you start of lightly, this is the non-erogenous zones. Hands, upper back ... When she responds well to this, you can start doing things like lingering fingers on her wrist (very good zone), elbows ... And so on. So in the beginning your touching is non-sexual and later on you can escalate to the good stuff.

Setting the mood. Use playlists. I recommend using songs like () , (), (), ().

How to make sure you don't get caught in an abusive relationship. Simple. A relationship should be a construction that makes both of you better. Abide by this rule. If it doesn't add up; end the relationship. In my experience a relationship is de facto finished when one party doesn't believe that the other party has the best interests of the other party at heart. Also be careful not to lose your own identity in the relationship; I see that happen a lot with first timers. When the whole thing comes crashing down; they feel extra down because they start facing existential questions. Don't be needy, needy partners are annoying.

I wish I could give you some more ideas to meet women, but I don't know a lot about Wales. Except that there are lots of sheep there.

Catharsis. Women like catharsis. Don't always behave exemplary. Sometimes be a bit of a jerk; don't answer her phone calls or such. Don't go overboard like sleeping with her sister. I'm talking about small annoyances.

This felt extremely uncomfortable to write, but I felt a bit sorry for you. I think if you sort of follow the things I've written you'll have a relationship in no time. Also keep in mind you're only 25, you've still got loads of time for serious relationships. Have fun!


image.webp


Hi mate, I've read you're sage like words with interest and you're obviously a man who knows his subject matter in depth.

I would appreciate any words of advice from you with regards to the satorial side of things.

It would appear that you model yourself on the legendary Frank Dolarhyde , who favours massive tattoos on his bare torso and back, plus a stocking mask over his face as his signature dress.

Do you feel that this could be the best way forward in dressing to attract the opposite sex or do you favour the more traditional shirt and tie approach of Fred West ?

Any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance x
 
Hi there,

For me it's all about tactics. Know your strengths and weaknesses, a bit like football.

Preliminary remark; for the love of god don't mix drink and women. It only has negative effects.

For starters you should try to pick a location that suits you. I'm not the most bubbly guy, I don't do well in bars. I can't use internet dating for professional reasons. The solution: I do things that place me in direct contact with women in reasonably small groups. It helps if there's a gender imbalance. In college this is sort of easy because of the huge gender imbalance already, afterwards it becomes more challenging. For instance you could try cooking lessons (I liked vegetarian cooking lessons - even if you're an excellent cook act like an idiot they will help you...), language lessons at university language centers (bigger chance to find your corresponding age group).

The most important thing with women is how you make them feel. You should always remember this! You can use this to your advantage. In the beginning always leave on a high, not when she's bored or such or she will remember this and think you're boring. It's a bit like horses. Leave when it's still fun, leave her craving for more. Also I absolutely hate and despise every form of texting and calling. I tell them this beforehand. Even so (in the pre-relationship era) text/use a homing pigeon/mail her before she goes to bed. You want to be the last thing she thinks about before she goes to sleep. It doesn't have to be long, something simple. It can also be something that keeps her guessing if you like her or not. Go wild, but I recommend refraining from dickpics.

Next topic: how you represent yourself. It goes without saying that your personal hygiene should be spot on. You should always wear well fitting clothes. Don't wear clothes that are too big/small. When in doubt ask the shop assistant, I always do. If you don't have a clue what to wear buy a book that explains basic stuff like how to match colors, essentials for in your wardrobe etc... . It sounds like a lot of work but it isn't; once you know the basics and own the classic essentials you can get by with shopping once a year. Your clothes don't have to be expensive, only clean. If you want to spend big, prioritize the shoes. Also when you're in a relationship, please don't let your girlfriend/wife do the shopping for you. They dress you up like children. Do your own shopping. Lots of women will dress you down, to protect their possession. A decent haircut, that matches your head, is also important. Ask your hairdresser.

Speaking to women. This isn't difficult. Just reflect your personality. But please don't tell your whole life-story on date 1, keep some air of mystery. After all, if she knows everything about you why would she want to see you again? This also firm advice for later in the relationship, complete openness is idiotic.

I'm quiet, a good listener and the mysterious type (translation: I don't really like talking). So the few words I say have to be spot on. For me a good first date is one, where I've done hardly any talking. You keep them guessing but you know more about them. Plus women like it when people listen to them. You have to really listen to them though, but not in a friendzone kind of way - I trust you know the difference. Remember every detail, it will come in handy later on in the relationship. For instance: next date you can ask how's X who... to demonstrate you've listened to her. Or one time one girl told me about the fact she really liked a certain brand of chocolates. I bought them for her the next date, she was ecstatic and thanked me accordingly. It also makes your life easier during the relationship btw. Window-shopping; lot's of women will point to things they like. You can buy such things for their birthday, imaginary Hallmark day that you aren't allowed to forget, ... .

Concerning gift giving. Potlach. I mostly go all out on this subject, during Christmas, their birthday ... . This is because most women are like cars. They are very giving, generous creatures but they have to be fueled up from time to time. Buying gifts is a way to do this. It doesn't have to be expensive just thoughtful. Sentimental stuff is appreciated, like scrapbooks containing all sorts of relics from year 1 of your relationship.

It works very much in your favor, if you're able to make her laugh (and make her feel good). Don't overdo it. That will make you come off like a clown. Beware of self-deprecating humor, this can be fine and demonstrate your self-confidence but don't overdo it . Case in point: a mate of mine once told a girl about his small penis. He told her that there were two guys next to him at the urinals and one burst out laughing after seeing his penis. Don't do that, she might laugh but she also won't be very interested. Things like this can be your ehm little secret.

We've already touched upon the subject of identifying the kind of woman that you want and deserve. For instance I like slim, smart, bendy women. I've followed vegetarian cooking classes, loads of them there. Incidentally all of my girlfriends practiced ballet. I'm not going to frequent ballet lessons, do something you feel reasonably comfortable with and that allows you to sort of shine in your own way.

Now, I'll assume you've scored a date with a woman that you're interested in. If you've met her in things like cooking lessons or such you can directly proceed with a proper date. If you've spend less time with her, please take her on a pre-date. Go drink coffee with her, and see if you can stand her. No squeaky voice or such. Or 88 (Heil Hitler) tattoos you can only discern in real life.

A proper date. This you must decide for yourself, you know the object of your affections. A couple of examples. I once broke into a cemetery like sacre coeur. Proper first date; really sets the mood. Romantic environment and such. Climbing over fences raises the adrenaline level. If she's wearing a dress you can get a nice view, when you're helping her over the walls. If she's into ballet, go watch the Romeo and Juliet ballet ... It's easy enough. Whatever you do just keep calm and composed. She's there because she wants to be there with you, nothing to stress about. A good way to filter gold diggers is only pay for the first two dates; afterwards she can start paying half. Ideally she asks you on the first one if she has to contribute.

What I'm going to say now, might seem unnecessary but I'm going to do it just in case. You've got to get her accustomed to your touch. Of course you start of lightly, this is the non-erogenous zones. Hands, upper back ... When she responds well to this, you can start doing things like lingering fingers on her wrist (very good zone), elbows ... And so on. So in the beginning your touching is non-sexual and later on you can escalate to the good stuff.

Setting the mood. Use playlists. I recommend using songs like () , (), (), ().

How to make sure you don't get caught in an abusive relationship. Simple. A relationship should be a construction that makes both of you better. Abide by this rule. If it doesn't add up; end the relationship. In my experience a relationship is de facto finished when one party doesn't believe that the other party has the best interests of the other party at heart. Also be careful not to lose your own identity in the relationship; I see that happen a lot with first timers. When the whole thing comes crashing down; they feel extra down because they start facing existential questions. Don't be needy, needy partners are annoying.

I wish I could give you some more ideas to meet women, but I don't know a lot about Wales. Except that there are lots of sheep there.

Catharsis. Women like catharsis. Don't always behave exemplary. Sometimes be a bit of a jerk; don't answer her phone calls or such. Don't go overboard like sleeping with her sister. I'm talking about small annoyances.

This felt extremely uncomfortable to write, but I felt a bit sorry for you. I think if you sort of follow the things I've written you'll have a relationship in no time. Also keep in mind you're only 25, you've still got loads of time for serious relationships. Have fun!


tumblr_n0ztajkSg21qldrydo1_500.gif
 

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