New Everton Owners: The Friedkin Group

[Eggs]

 

[cronullasharks]

Has anyone told dyche that anagram of friedkin is 'kin fired?

I doubt he got past the 'fried' part without drooling in excitement

 

[Bryan+]

View attachment 286846

Hey look, it’s Fried-Eggs.

 

[matty1878]

Wake up @matty1878

i am

 

[hoppy]

Absolutely fantastic news now sort this club out from top to bottom and get this team winning again

 

[matty1878]

So, imagine this: Everton’s new prospective owners, all suits and ambition, are sitting in some shiny London office. They’ve done the spreadsheets, the risk assessments, the PR strategies. Someone suggests, “Hey, before we finalise this £600m deal, let’s see what the real fans think.”

And then, like lambs to the slaughter, they log on to GrandOldTeam.com. They’re greeted by a thread ranking Everton players based on how good they’d be at Monopoly. (Gray’s banned, obviously, for flipping the board.) Another thread debates whether Goodison should install heated toilet seats for winter games. Someone else is demanding we sign James Rodriguez back just for the vibes.

But oh, it gets worse. They stumble onto:

“Would You Rather Fight 1 Dyche-Sized Tarkowski or 10 Tarkowski-Sized Dyches?” From @matty1878

A 74-page tactical analysis thread on why Neil Maupay would be world-class if he had knees like prime Roberto Carlos by @Neiler

A poll: Is the real problem the board, the players, or that we haven’t sacrificed a chicken to the Dixie Dean statue recently? (Results are disturbingly close.) by @Kurt.

One of the owners wipes his brow and says, “It’s fine, maybe they’re serious about transfers.” Cue:

“Bring Back Rondon”, where someone has Photoshopped Big Ron into a Pele documentary to prove their point. Another guy is demanding we recall every player we’ve ever loaned out since 2010 “just to see what happens”.

The final straw? A conspiracy thread titled: “Does The Everton Board Really Exist, Or Are We Run By A Magic 8-Ball?” They leave the site shell-shocked, mumbling something about “needing a bigger due diligence budget.”

So lads, if this takeover falls through, we’ll know why. It wasn’t the finances, the fanbase, or even the threat of relegation. It was GrandOldTeam. We’ve outdone ourselves again.





Up the Toffees.

you bored mate

 

[NathDogg]

M

Is Witsel ours now?

No but Mata might be

Announce Riquelme….

 

[SerenityNigh]

A wonderful day for everyone except @davek

Strike that, a wonderful day for Day-Vek as well, he can troll again with renewed purpose, so all around

 

[Nyhus]

Brilliant news. They have clearly done their homework, and are saying all the right things about turning the club professional and ambitious. Lets see if its just talk, or if they can deliver. I am very excited to see what the future holds, and i think these guys will turn out to be a lot more shrewd than Mosh and Bill ever was.

 

[mahermi1]

On the board of fracking companies.

Great.

Oh sweet Jesus ! Do us all a favour and Fracking shut up Dave will you ..

 

[maccavennie]

Given that Roundhouse Capital own the shares, I presume we'll be punching at the right weight from now on.

After headlock gate, it only seems right to be finished off with a roundhouse

 

[msb]

Brilliant news….and i think these guys will turn out to be a lot more shrewd than Mosh and Bill ever were.

A low bar there.

Absolutely chuffed to bits with this outcome, at long last an owner that potentially befits a club of this history/stature.

 

[mahermi1]

Friedkin group are not yet with the main group, still a long way to go before they’re on the grass but progressing well

Can't wait for Sean to get his "gaffers day"

 

[Nyhus]

On the board of fracking companies.

Great.

Hell yeah, Dave is already building his case against them

 

[Drico]

After headlock gate, it only seems right to be finished off with a roundhouse

Maybe Seamus can celebrate with a rallying call. We can call it an "Irish whip."

Gorilla Monsoon would be so proud.