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Secret work enemies

Delighted to announce I have a new one.

His surname is Colly so I call him jolly. He winds me up loads. One of those happy office types who loves an crap office joke but bores find him lovely with a 'sense of humour'. He swans around with his laptop open, nearly bumping into others and then making a terrible joke about being busy

He was going on lunch, I heard someone say to him 'we'll talk about it after lunch' he said 'im not coming back'. He was back at the same minute as he is every single lunch time. He emailed me 3 times today and he said 'morning' every single time. There is a newish girl who is under 30 and I caught him doing a pathetic little cutesy wave that he would have not done to me

I'm delighted I've finally noticed him tbh
 
coollino said:
Delighted to announce I have a new one.

His surname is Colly so I call him jolly. He winds me up loads. One of those happy office types who loves an crap office joke but bores find him lovely with a 'sense of humour'. He swans around with his laptop open, nearly bumping into others and then making a terrible joke about being busy

He was going on lunch, I heard someone say to him 'we'll talk about it after lunch' he said 'im not coming back'. He was back at the same minute as he is every single lunch time. He emailed me 3 times today and he said 'morning' every single time. There is a newish girl who is under 30 and I caught him doing a pathetic little cutesy wave that he would have not done to me

I'm delighted I've finally noticed him tbh
Click to expand...
I like the sound of him. That wave sounds super creepy.
 

gives em a reason for being. It could be worse, they could get lost down the woke alt right rabbit holes that've snagged so many. In my day they were tagged as bellends and laughed at and ignored.
 
DualityNSNO said:
Just struck me that I'm leaving my job and my current work enemies behind.

To new ones in the future it is!
Click to expand...
and your generous parting gift is? fecal matter in their phone? cheese slices folded into their keyboard? strawberry jam including fruit chunks to the underside of their desk? Trash a ton of their work? something? anything?
 

Having been inspired by this thread I undertook the task of finding a secret work enemy. There is only one girl at work who would fit the bill but as everyone seems to dislike the greasy little goblin the effort seemed futile, so decided on a different quest.

There seems to be a distinct lack of willingness in my workplace for grown adults to return their used mugs to the kitchen instead leaving them strewn all over the place, quite often to be found, still half full. No one admits to leaving them and seemingly no one can be arsed to clear them up.

Well over the last couple of weeks these mugs have started disappearing or meeting an unfortunate ending.

I have become the secret work dirty-mug vigilante.
 
Rita_Poon said:
and your generous parting gift is? fecal matter in their phone? cheese slices folded into their keyboard? strawberry jam including fruit chunks to the underside of their desk? Trash a ton of their work? something? anything?
Click to expand...
So far haven't really bothered actually doing work for a hot minute, don't intend to do so either.

Some good suggestions there tbh, we'll see.
 
Jimishorts said:
Having been inspired by this thread I undertook the task of finding a secret work enemy. There is only one girl at work who would fit the bill but as everyone seems to dislike the greasy little goblin the effort seemed futile, so decided on a different quest.

There seems to be a distinct lack of willingness in my workplace for grown adults to return their used mugs to the kitchen instead leaving them strewn all over the place, quite often to be found, still half full. No one admits to leaving them and seemingly no one can be arsed to clear them up.

Well over the last couple of weeks these mugs have started disappearing or meeting an unfortunate ending.

I have become the secret work dirty-mug vigilante.
Click to expand...
A long time ago I was working in a builders yard, prepping timber (quiet at the back!) through the pressure machine that forced sealant/treatment into the fibres for longevities sake. Enough of all that, one of the older lads on the bucket dumper (I said quiet!) was a particular piece of work, he went out of his way to use the site managers mug whenever he could because he had lied sometime previous that he had had gonorrhea in his gums. So he'd got the boss so paranoid he'd off the mugs himself.
 
coollino said:
Delighted to announce I have a new one.

His surname is Colly so I call him jolly. He winds me up loads. One of those happy office types who loves an crap office joke but bores find him lovely with a 'sense of humour'. He swans around with his laptop open, nearly bumping into others and then making a terrible joke about being busy

He was going on lunch, I heard someone say to him 'we'll talk about it after lunch' he said 'im not coming back'. He was back at the same minute as he is every single lunch time. He emailed me 3 times today and he said 'morning' every single time. There is a newish girl who is under 30 and I caught him doing a pathetic little cutesy wave that he would have not done to me

I'm delighted I've finally noticed him tbh
Click to expand...

Defo says 'See you next year guys" when you finish for Christmas
 
DavidH said:
Defo says 'See you next year guys" when you finish for Christmas
Click to expand...

Oh god yeah. Every Friday I bet he says 'have a good weekend, once it arrives!' Too

I just remembered another annoying thing about him, a lot of people did exams for someone I know he got like 90% on it. As soon as he got the results he went straight onto the company Teams page saying something like 'good luck, I'm sure you'll all do great!'

Everyone lapped it up, he is a proper slug. I really hope he gets a bit handsy at the Christmas party and someone rats on him. I might even pay for a bar person there to make up the accusation against him

I'm not in the office again this week, so I have a whole week of brooding until next week
 

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