the eccentric(knob'ed) at work

[Blue Ray]

Heres a knobhead for yer. I deliver to supermarkets up and down the country and at the store in Welshpool is a guy you just wanna leave you finger prints on his windpipe. Always talking about cars and trying to impress people with his knowledge and the cars he's owned. I had him down for a **** soon as I laid eyes on him. He drives a blue Rover MG so his street cred went down the pan in my book. Anyway I delivered there a few weeks ago at 5am and out he comes with these pictures of cars, now I'm half asleep and pissed off already. These are supposed to be his past cars. The pictures were about 2"x3". I said lets have a look then. He passed them up to me on the back of the trailer so I could see them. About 10 pics altogether. Theres a Mustang a Porsche a Jaguar and so on. I said whats with the Porsche? He says that he sold it for 15 grand. So I asked him why he's driving round in a Rover then. He told me he fancied a change. I said to him look heres your stickers now be a good boy and put them back in your book where they belong. Made a right **** out of him in front of his mates but he needed it. Some [Poor language removed] balloons drifting round this planet.

 

[Blue Ray]

And heres to the tit in Warminster at a cheese factory. They only have 2 loading bays and when I got there both had trucks on them. This young lad comes out to me and says one of them is pulling off in a minute so get on the bay when he's gone. Anyway I back onto the bay and here he is again, he says theres only 10 pallets and I wont be there long. So I start reading my paper on there steering wheel. The truck starts rocking roung as the fork lift goes in and out the back with the cheese. After about 15 minutes it goes quiet so I'm thinking that I'm done. Sure enough he's back again tapping on my passenger side window. I looked at him and he gives me the thumbs up. To me that means I can get off the bay. So I started the engine and pulled forward about 6ft so I can shut the back doors when I hear this almighty metallic bang. I went round the back of the trailer and theres the fork lift lying on its back on the floor with a pallet of cheese everywhere. I said what did you give me the thumbs up for and he says so you can come in and get your paperwork. I said look if you give a driver the thumbs up it means your done. He said it was only his first week there. I said looks like your last too mate. The lad off the fork lift was sound about it. He told me they'd been asking for a new one for 2 years and they'd have to get one now because this one was all over the place. And before you ask there was no red or green lights on this bay.

 

[Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian]

no red light, no wonder you "read your paper".