Toffee Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn't Even Know He Still Had
Dempsey, 31, outside Goodison Park on a match day.
LIVERPOOL–Despite assuming that he had lost every last possible ounce of hope long ago, office-supply coordinator Rob Dempsey, 31, was surprised to discover Thursday that he did, in fact, possess one tiny additional shred of hope, which he subsequently lost following Everton’s 4-1 home defeat to Newcastle United.
"Contrary to the belief of co-workers, neighbours, distant relatives, and Mr. Dempsey himself, this so-called 'hopeless' supporter actually still had one infinitesimally small shred of hope, which he became aware of in the process of losing said last shred of hope," said noted therapist Dr. Eli Wasserbaum. "Oddly, it was only when Newcastle went 2-0 up was where he was losing this additional micro-hope that he was able to realise that the hope had ever existed at all."
"Unravelling this singular psychological event makes for a tremendous challenge for the trained therapist," said Wasserbaum, who is attempting to reconstruct the basics of the incident, believed to be the least epiphanic moment of self-discovery in the annals of modern medicine. "In fact, some might even say a challenge so daunting – watching Ben Godfrey attempt to defend the right side - as to be hopeless."
At some point during the, which consists primarily of sitting, staring into abyss of watching Michael Keane attempt to defend, and occasionally watching Neal Maupay fall over himself he realised that Newcastle United had Matty Targett at left back where he thought "maybe Iwobi will make a successful dribble."
Upon watching Idrissa Gueye fail to track Joelinton and cut out a diagonal 5 yard pass and concede a second - Dempsey discovered that no amount of pyrotechnics and atmosphere will save his boyhood club.
Prior to Monday, Dempsey had not experienced any loss of hope in more than three years. According to Wasserbaum, a majority of Dempsey's hope-losses hit him in successive ramrod batterings from the likes of Fulham, Tottenham, and the mighty Brighton and Hove Albion. By the time he had reached his late 20s, Dempsey had lost enough of his remaining hope to be considered officially hopeless. Nevertheless, he forged ahead with his few tiny remaining shreds of hope–too insignificant to be considered hope to the average person–until a final devastating blow depleted his hope reserves.
Dempsey, 31, outside Goodison Park on a match day.
LIVERPOOL–Despite assuming that he had lost every last possible ounce of hope long ago, office-supply coordinator Rob Dempsey, 31, was surprised to discover Thursday that he did, in fact, possess one tiny additional shred of hope, which he subsequently lost following Everton’s 4-1 home defeat to Newcastle United.
"Contrary to the belief of co-workers, neighbours, distant relatives, and Mr. Dempsey himself, this so-called 'hopeless' supporter actually still had one infinitesimally small shred of hope, which he became aware of in the process of losing said last shred of hope," said noted therapist Dr. Eli Wasserbaum. "Oddly, it was only when Newcastle went 2-0 up was where he was losing this additional micro-hope that he was able to realise that the hope had ever existed at all."
"Unravelling this singular psychological event makes for a tremendous challenge for the trained therapist," said Wasserbaum, who is attempting to reconstruct the basics of the incident, believed to be the least epiphanic moment of self-discovery in the annals of modern medicine. "In fact, some might even say a challenge so daunting – watching Ben Godfrey attempt to defend the right side - as to be hopeless."
At some point during the, which consists primarily of sitting, staring into abyss of watching Michael Keane attempt to defend, and occasionally watching Neal Maupay fall over himself he realised that Newcastle United had Matty Targett at left back where he thought "maybe Iwobi will make a successful dribble."
Upon watching Idrissa Gueye fail to track Joelinton and cut out a diagonal 5 yard pass and concede a second - Dempsey discovered that no amount of pyrotechnics and atmosphere will save his boyhood club.
Prior to Monday, Dempsey had not experienced any loss of hope in more than three years. According to Wasserbaum, a majority of Dempsey's hope-losses hit him in successive ramrod batterings from the likes of Fulham, Tottenham, and the mighty Brighton and Hove Albion. By the time he had reached his late 20s, Dempsey had lost enough of his remaining hope to be considered officially hopeless. Nevertheless, he forged ahead with his few tiny remaining shreds of hope–too insignificant to be considered hope to the average person–until a final devastating blow depleted his hope reserves.
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