Toilet ... help please

[chrismpw]

When I were a wee lad a toilet was simple. Polish with the izal, yank the chain, hope the cistern doesn't come clattering on yer head and go.

Today, because the likes of private water companies keep spilling our drinking water so they can maximise the amount of money they send off to tory donors and overseas investors, we are encouraged to save this precious commodity.

As a result, toilet flushes have evolved ... and even after all these years I haven't worked it out.

There's a big button and a small button. On the one hand, a big button could mean a big flush to get rid of your jalfrezi. On the other hand, the big button could be a convenient target for your most used flush, to take the pee, so you don't accidentally hit the big flush and waste somebody else's wealth acquisition.

So which is it?

(All the awards etc).

 

[NeilMorepies]

Is it a number one or a number two you need?

 

[cronullasharks]

Bed

 

[chrismpw]

It's too early.

I'm at my 2 year old granddaughter's birthday party and I've run out of conversation... plus I need to operate the loo. There's a queue.

 

[The binman chronicles]

The small button for no.1's, push both for a long flush.

 

[chrismpw]

The small button for no.1's, push both for a long flush.

No way! Not having that.

 

[Bedfordblue]

Small button for wee wee & fully immersed poo poo, both buttons for logs that breach the surface (and probably a good hiding with the bog brush too)

 

[urquattro]

Big button about 6 litres of water or however much the cistern holds, used for no2's. Small button about 3 litres of water, used no1's.

 

[Joey66]

Button ones are rubbish always breaking - a chrome handle with a good steel bar fitted properly is top class imo

 

[chrismpw]

Button ones are rubbish always breaking - a chrome handle with a good steel bar fitted properly is top class imo

That's a proper response brother.

 

[canuckblue]

Just take your dumps outside and blame it on the biggest dog in the neighbourhood.

 

[IrishBlue2022]

Squeeze then wipe.

 

[Joey66]

What happ

Just take your dumps outside and blame it on the biggest dog in the neighbourhood.

What happens if you have the tom tits?

 

[canuckblue]

What happ

What happens if you have the tom tits?

Blame it on the dog. Shouldn’t have fed it the vindaloo.

 

[Clarky cat]

It depends who installed it and what button it corresponds to on the flush valve. Whatever button you choose to use the most important thing to remember is to wash your hands ya filthy beasts!

Poo found on every McDonald's touchscreen tested

Samples were taken from the new machines that have been rolled out at restaurants across the country.

metro.co.uk