Moi. The Cultivated Musings, Thoughts, and Ramblings of a Vastly Knowledgeable Person Who Tends to Use One Hundred Words When Ten Will Do, unabridged Hardback with autograph and dedication embroidered with strands of a young yak's hair.
In honour of my late Mum, who's friends' kids never had normal jobs and therefore her three offsprings' career choices were a source of constant disappointment. she rang me one day to tell me that Marjorie's sister's daughter was now 'the top orthodontist in Rutland'. She was very put out when I laughed.