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Your Favourite Poem

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Crossing The Bar by Tennyson.



Sunset and evening star,

And one clear call for me!

And may there be no moaning of the bar,

When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,

Too full for sound and foam,

When that which drew from out the boundless deep

Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,

And after that the dark!

And may there be no sadness of farewell,

When I embark;

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place

The flood may bear me far,

I hope to see my Pilot face to face

When I have crost the bar.
 

D'ya know last night?
D'ya know the night before?
Well three Tom Cats
Came a-knockin' at me door
One had a banjo,
One had a drum,
And one had a pancake stuck to his bum fur.
 
I wandered lonely as a cloud
And then heard a voice speak aloud
Too many, too many of those pills,
Soon you'll be espying daffodils
 
Right lads. Thanks for ignoring the mighty poetry thread I started in 2012!

Anyway, here is my awesome rip off tribute to Bill Kenwright. Ripped off from Bad Sir Brian Botany by A.A Milne.

I thank you.....

Bad Bill Kenwright

Sir Billy had a battleaxe with great big knobs on
He went amongst the Gladwys fans and bopped them on the head
On Wednesday and the Saturday
but mainly on the latter day
He mugged them at the turnstiles and this is what he said:

I am Sir Billy, I'm great!
I am Sir Billy, don't hate!
I am Sir Billy and not quite so silly,
Kick offs at three don't be late!

Sir Billy had a pair of boots with steel capped toes on,
A fighting pair of which he was particularly fond.
He would kick so many faces
and would kick you in the places,
to help you reach those high notes in the middle of a song!

I am Sir Billy, sing high.
I am Sir Billy, sing low.
I am Sir Billy, the Pennines are hilly,
If I cant sell the club I wont go!

Sir Billy woke one morning and he couldnt find his battleaxe.
He walked into the stadium in his second pair of shoes.
He had gone a hundred paces
When the ground was full of faces,
They gagged and bound and tied him and they locked him in the loos.

You are Sir Billy? Don't laugh!
You are Sir Billy? Don't cry!
You are Sir Billy? Please move to Caerphilly
Sir Billy, you're silly, goodbye!

Sir Billy struggled home again and he chopped up his battleaxe.
He got his pair of fighting boots and threw them in the fire.
He's quite a different person now
he doesnt have a football club
But smuggly sits and claims in fame he saved them from the mire!

I am Bill Kenwright? Not me.
Can't find investment? Can't be!
But the future in doubt
with a board without clout
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum: EFC.
 

from that magical season of 2012...

A manager whose last name was Moyes
Was confronted by local boo-boys
In a deal with the devil
He kept picking Neville
Out of the pram came all of their toys

And....

Some members may
Some members might
Some members may even put up a fight
It might take a while
but some lube and a smile
Does wonders for the members so tight
 
BigBlueConk said:
from that magical season of 2012...

A manager whose last name was Moyes
Was confronted by local boo-boys
In a deal with the devil
He kept picking Neville
Out of the pram came all of their toys

And....

Some members may
Some members might
Some members may even put up a fight
It might take a while
but some lube and a smile
Does wonders for the members so tight
Click to expand...

you sir seem a man of literary bent

perhaps you could finish this limerick for me

There was a young lady from Quirm* (*quirm is in discworld, famous for the Inventor Leonardo of quirm )
whose thighs were extremely firm
?
?
?

or anybody else of the humourous inclination
 
degsy said:
you sir seem a man of literary bent

perhaps you could finish this limerick for me

There was a young lady from Quirm* (*quirm is in discworld, famous for the Inventor Leonardo of quirm )
whose thighs were extremely firm
?
?
?

or anybody else of the humourous inclination
Click to expand...

I had to google the works of Pratchett first to understand the context!

There was a young lady from Quirm
Whose thighs were exceedingly firm
Her first name was Lucy
and her breasts were quite juicy
She looked great with her hair in a perm

or

There was a young lady from Quirm
Whose thighs were exceedingly firm
With plentiful booty
She looked quite a cutey
But not when covered in sperm
 
summerisle said:
It was Christmas Day in the workhouse
The merriest day of the year
The paupers and the prisoners
Were all assembled there

In came the Christmas pudding
When a voice that shattered glass
Said, "We don't want your Christmas pudding
So stick it
there with the rest of the unwanted presents"

The workhouse master then arose
And prepared to carve the duck
He said "Who wants the parson's nose
And the prisoners shouted
"you have it yourself sir"

The vicar brought his bible
And read out little bits
Said one old crone at the back of the hall
"This man gets on
very well with everybody"

The workhouse mistress then began
To hand out Christmas parcels
The paupers tore the wrappers off
And began to wipe their
eyes, which were full of tears

The master rose to make a speech
But just before he started
The mistress, who was fifteen stone
Gave three loud cheers and
nearly choked herself

And all the paupers then began
To pull their Christmas crackers
One pauper held his too low down
And blew off both his
paper hat and the man's next to him

A steaming bowl of white bread sauce
Was handed round to some
An aged gourmet called aloud
"This bread sauce tastes like
it was made by a continental chef"

Mince pie with custard sauce was next
And each received a bit
One pauper said "The mince pie's nice
But the custard tastes like
the bread sauce we had in the last verse !"

The mistress dishing out the food
Dropped custard down her front
She cried "Aren't I a silly girl"
And they answered "You're a
perfect picture as always ma'am !"

"This pudding ", said the master
"It's solid, hard and thick
how am I going to cut it ?"
And a man cried "Use your
penknife sir, the one with the pearl handle"

The mistress asked the vicar
To entertain his flock
He said "What would you like to see ?"
And they cried "Let's see your
conjuring tricks, they're always worth watching"

"Your reverence may I be excused ?"
Said one benign old chap
"I don't like conjuring tricks
I'd sooner have a
carol or two around the fire"

So then they all began to sing
Which shook the workhouse walls
"Merry Christmas!" cried the master
And the inmates shouted
"Best of luck to you as well sir !"
Click to expand...

Haha, /thread! :D :o
 

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