Could you take out a Crocodile in an office environment armed only with a cricket bat.

moosed · February 4, 2015

The office is 15m squared. You're armed only with a Viv Richards signature solid oak cricket bat and any office supplies that happen to be lying about. You're both locked in, there is no getting out. There can be only one winner.

Can you take him out and if so how do you go about doing it ? You have the manoeuvrability advantage in such an environment (jump on desks etc) but is this enough to be the victor ?

Discuss

icburns · February 4, 2015

I feel like the high ground of a desk would be a considerable advantage.

The Esk · February 4, 2015

icburns said:
I feel like the high ground of a desk would be a considerable advantage.

Crocodiles are great climbers.....

moosed · February 4, 2015

You also have to factor in that the crocs on away turf whilst you're at home.

My mate reckons he'd smash the croc no problems, chuck a load of drawing pins down on the ground and whilst the crocs walking over them jump from desk to desk tw@tting it over the head with the bat whilst simultaneously lobbing zip drives at it (who the **** uses zip drives nowadays ?)

Im not convinced, i reckon its possible. Just needs a better method.

SerenityNigh · February 4, 2015

Can I bring a coworker with me? Would give me a significant advantage.

*Can I bring two co-workers? The other might be quite impressed.

LinekersLegs · February 4, 2015

Make a noose out of string and tie it to the end of a broom handle. Find the highest place can and wait till croc closes its mouth. Drop noose over mouth and pull tight - iirc crocs have very little opening jaw strength, although a lot of crushing power when closing. Jump down and make sure jaw is fully closed by using packing tape watching out for the tail.

Make a nice handbag later.

Prevenger17 · February 4, 2015

Crocodiles are very fast aren't they? I'd hide in a cupboard, call animal control and lobby the HR department for crocodile attack safety protocols in the event of future incursions. Checksheets signed thrice daily, awareness of fire exits etc.

Prevenger17 · February 4, 2015

SerenityNigh said:
Can I bring a coworker with me? Would give me a significant advantage.

*Can I bring two co-workers? The other might be quite impressed.

Who's your co-worker, Steve Irwin?

Whitebootman · February 4, 2015

Crocodiles speed in an office environment would rule out fast bowling, I think it's spin would be rubbish so a win for Whitebooootman.

wm02 · February 4, 2015

Yes, though I would be more confident it was a baseball bat rather than a cricket bat. I'd feed it some of the heavier paperweights on my desk to slow/confuse it and then would begin battering it.
For some reason, it reminded me of this sketch from Kids in the Hall

sageyefc · February 4, 2015

Jump on its back to control it. Use some duct tape from the supplies cupboard to close his mouth shut like steve irwin used to do, RIP, then its easy pickings

johnnydawg68 · February 4, 2015

I have it on good authority from someone who took out a 7 foot Alligator with a golf club once that they are stupid and cannot see directly in front of them. Took 10 seconds.

SerenityNigh · February 4, 2015

Prevenger17 said:
Who's your co-worker, Steve Irwin?

His nickname iswas meat.

roydo · February 4, 2015

I would write a strongly worded email first. Probably to a Zoo.

SerenityNigh · February 4, 2015

Prevenger17 said:
Crocodiles are very fast aren't they? I'd hide in a cupboard, call animal control and lobby the HR department for crocodile attack safety protocols in the event of future incursions. Checksheets signed thrice daily, awareness of fire exits etc.

Where can I find anti-croc rocks?