Install the app
How to install the app on iOS

Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.

Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.

 

Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

jinkyali said:
So we're dealing with a miscarriage me and the wife.
Only last week we were told things were fine after a couple of weeks of difficulties.

None of our friends or family know.
Remind me why people don't tell anyone when they're pregnant till around 12 weeks or so?

It feels like it would be a lot less lonely if we had people to support us in this.
Click to expand...
I am so sorry. Heartbreaking for you and your wife. Much love x
 
Daytripper said:
You’re right, however it’s like if I don’t use it then no one speaks to me outside immediate family or my work colleagues . I’m like a ghost these days (pardon the pun) and I still don’t know what I’ve done to people. To me it comes across as “I don’t want to know now you anymore” and I’m like “why? Never done you any harm “.

Having a go at them won’t help at all, i try to look inward first if you know what I mean. I don’t have kids and my last relationship was over 12 months ago, so I guess in a time like this I feel a bit lost and I can’t remember being in a situation like this before. If my parents were not here I might have seriously considered doing something, I couldn’t do that to them tho, no way.

I think what keeps going is that others have it far worse than me, it helps bring some perspective to things. Anyway, thank you for replying and the other replies also.

Up the toffees!!
Click to expand...

I don't want to come across as blaming you here, mate, but have you tried reaching out on any other platforms? Email, text, call, etc?

I think it can be a double edged sword, social media, where we take the ability to interact for granted and so any forms of communication outside that fall by the wayside. Both sides can sit there bemoaning the other not reaching out, all the while having the ability to do so literally at their fingertips!

I never like the "others have it worse than me" argument because you're minimising your own problems. You've only got to read a few of the threads on here to see what bottling this stuff up can do to you. Reach out, mate. If you have no luck with your friends and family, you always know where we are.
 
witchdoc187 said:
Just wanted to share something. Good just to get it out but my wife has asked me to leave the family home today after a few uneventful years. I don't want to go and feel we can patch stuff up, but she's adamant. We've a 4 year old and I'm terrified how this will effect him.. My wife and I are on good terms, I just don't want to leave him. Breaking my heart thinking of the potential effect on my boy. Sad about our marriage too of course..
Click to expand...

This is a nightmare scenario for so many of us, and I feel sick for you, mate. Hat's off to your wife, though - She's addressed a situation that many would have allowed to carry on until something blew up, giving you both chance to do this amicably.

It's a cliché, I know, but two happy homes are better than one dysfunctional one. Let it play out, give your boy everything he needs in terms of your time and love, and you won't go far wrong. If there IS something to be salvaged between you and your wife, respecting her wishes in this regard is a good first step on that journey.

I wish you all the very best.
 
Brett Angell Delight said:
This is a nightmare scenario for so many of us, and I feel sick for you, mate. Hat's off to your wife, though - She's addressed a situation that many would have allowed to carry on until something blew up, giving you both chance to do this amicably.

It's a cliché, I know, but two happy homes are better than one dysfunctional one. Let it play out, give your boy everything he needs in terms of your time and love, and you won't go far wrong. If there IS something to be salvaged between you and your wife, respecting her wishes in this regard is a good first step on that journey.

I wish you all the very best.
Click to expand...
Thanks mate. I appreciate it. I'm doing everything I can to salvage something. Which means following orders, which I'm not great at tbh. In fact after 3 days of doing so I'm almost ready to quit but I'm gonna keep going as long as I can. Just keep thinking I don't want to talk out of the family home, or be pushed out.
 
Brett Angell Delight said:
I don't want to come across as blaming you here, mate, but have you tried reaching out on any other platforms? Email, text, call, etc?

I think it can be a double edged sword, social media, where we take the ability to interact for granted and so any forms of communication outside that fall by the wayside. Both sides can sit there bemoaning the other not reaching out, all the while having the ability to do so literally at their fingertips!

I never like the "others have it worse than me" argument because you're minimising your own problems. You've only got to read a few of the threads on here to see what bottling this stuff up can do to you. Reach out, mate. If you have no luck with your friends and family, you always know where we are.
Click to expand...

It’s alright I understand. The reason I mentioned social media was that it’s an alternative to other avenues I’ve tried, like you mentioned email, text etc. Same results really. If you know what I mean.

It’s odd , as when i try to talk to folk in person I can barely muster more than a word or two from them or nothing.

“Hey (insert name) how’s it going ? You alright?”

“Yeah” then they walk away or don’t even stop in the first place or don’t even respond.

To be honest all this has been going on for a while even before the pandemic but I thought something like a situation we all find ourselves in might get people talking again if you know what I mean except it’s been the opposite in my case. I thought I was being super paranoid and silly (well more silly than usual) but even my closest family have noticed it particularly with relatives who we bump into or people we know who don’t even acknowledge me into the conversation.

It’s all a bit odd as I say, paranoia may be creeping in with it too the more it goes on. I’ll be alright mate, just needed to let out some frustration is all. Have a good one. UTT.
 

Daytripper said:
It’s alright I understand. The reason I mentioned social media was that it’s an alternative to other avenues I’ve tried, like you mentioned email, text etc. Same results really. If you know what I mean.

It’s odd , as when i try to talk to folk in person I can barely muster more than a word or two from them or nothing.

“Hey (insert name) how’s it going ? You alright?”

“Yeah” then they walk away or don’t even stop in the first place or don’t even respond.

To be honest all this has been going on for a while even before the pandemic but I thought something like a situation we all find ourselves in might get people talking again if you know what I mean except it’s been the opposite in my case. I thought I was being super paranoid and silly (well more silly than usual) but even my closest family have noticed it particularly with relatives who we bump into or people we know who don’t even acknowledge me into the conversation.

It’s all a bit odd as I say, paranoia may be creeping in with it too the more it goes on. I’ll be alright mate, just needed to let out some frustration is all. Have a good one. UTT.
Click to expand...
If people are doing that to you mate that's horrible, that's pure ignorant. Dust yourself off from them type of people they'll only bring you down and strip your confidence further. . Try and start again and find new friends maybe through a hobby or something else you enjoy doing preferably physical form and not just through the Internet. I think you're sound mate and I enjoy reading your posts.
 
DanEFC92 said:
Anyone got any experience with a manager who gives you targeted grief every day. Ever since my last extension.
Click to expand...
You need to have a polite but very forthright conversation with him / her. I don't know what support you have but what it's sounds like to me - targeted grief - is bullying. If it's not addressed it could see a deterioration in your mental health. Have a formal meeting, take support if you can, and tell them how you are feeling. By telling them how your feeling your getting it out in the open. Don't let it fester m8, good luck.
 
DanEFC92 said:
Anyone got any experience with a manager who gives you targeted grief every day. Ever since my last extension.
Click to expand...

Niasse is that you? lol

In all seriousness no mate its why I love being self employed couldn't handle a snidey colleague or boss - might be worth pulling them to one side and having a word?
 
DanEFC92 said:
Anyone got any experience with a manager who gives you targeted grief every day. Ever since my last extension.
Click to expand...
In what respect? Are you a union member? Speak to a union rep if you are. Write down everything that the manager says or does to you that seems to be unfair, uncalled for or could be seen as bullying. Whilst I agree that sometimes a conversation with the manager is a good idea -do they realise what they are doing and if it is pointed out to them then they might stop. However it is not always that easy. the power differential between you and the manager may make you feel intimidated raising the issue or, you could feel that confrontation may make the situation worse. Do you have any sort of employee support procedures in place which would allow you to take somebody to a meeting with you for moral support.

I don't know where you work but is there an option to move away from that manager?

The other alternative is to take out a grievance against the manager once you have amassed enough evidence. It would then be investigated by somebody else which would save you from having to resolve the situation on your own..
 

anjelikaferrett said:
In what respect? Are you a union member? Speak to a union rep if you are. Write down everything that the manager says or does to you that seems to be unfair, uncalled for or could be seen as bullying. Whilst I agree that sometimes a conversation with the manager is a good idea -do they realise what they are doing and if it is pointed out to them then they might stop. However it is not always that easy. the power differential between you and the manager may make you feel intimidated raising the issue or, you could feel that confrontation may make the situation worse. Do you have any sort of employee support procedures in place which would allow you to take somebody to a meeting with you for moral support.

I don't know where you work but is there an option to move away from that manager?

The other alternative is to take out a grievance against the manager once you have amassed enough evidence. It would then be investigated by somebody else which would save you from having to resolve the situation on your own..
Click to expand...

Just like since my extension she's been on my back via angry emails and calls. Wouldn't say boo to a goose before that. And my work level hasn't dropped. I'm a big boy and can take it but feel it's taking the pish now.

I'm not sure union wise. I'm a contractor. She's a perm member of staff. Not sure confrontation would be of much use. Another colleague went through something similar with her and not much was done.

Think if it continues I'll contact my old manager who was sound and has previous with her. Or my contractor company.

Cheers for response.
 
witchdoc187 said:
Thanks mate. I appreciate it. I'm doing everything I can to salvage something. Which means following orders, which I'm not great at tbh. In fact after 3 days of doing so I'm almost ready to quit but I'm gonna keep going as long as I can. Just keep thinking I don't want to talk out of the family home, or be pushed out.
Click to expand...
Keep trying mate.
I did that for two years but ultimately I was wasting my time as she had lost her love for me. I tried to change but it was just a lie. I had no chance of saving my marriage.
I'm rooting for you mate as I no how hard I tried to save my marriage, family and home.
 

Welcome

Join Grand Old Team to get involved in the Everton discussion. Signing up is quick, easy, and completely free.

Register
Back
Top