Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Brett Angell Delight]

Thanks that's really helped. Such uncertain times and I'm naturally a real warrior. Sorry worrier!!!

Doing the right thing is often harder than the alternative, so you’ve done the tough bit. I saw your post about your son having the same issues as you had growing up - The very fact you’re thinking along those lines virtually ensures that won’t happen. Best of luck with everything.

 

[Spotty]

Thanks @Spotty & @COYBL25

I think it’s hugely important for people who come to this thread to know that their issues can be traced to a physical occurrence that is no fault of theirs. Keep up the great work in here.

Great shout about exercise @COYBL25. I think it gets suggested so often in here that the suggestion kind of loses its impact, but I can totally attest to the amazing properties of exercise when it comes to boosting mental health. I’ve been on something of a fitness journey for a couple of years and that’s helped my physical health enormously but I was also pleasantly surprised to learn that I am more focussed and raring to go for work after a gym session and that my mood in general (especially around the kids who I can get snappy with) is elevated.

Nice post Brett

 

[dave n]

So my wife and 5 year old son are moving out on Saturday. My wife has got so into conspiracy theories I can't handle it anymore. It's relentless, she can't make friends with anyone that isn't "enlightened". It's utter madness. I'm both happy she's going and sad for the woman I have lost, who no longer exists. I will still see my son every day so that's great and will get time to myself for the first time in years which is really important to me. I'm getting anxious though because my wife doesn't like him mixing with other kids, but we are in Spain and he has to learn the language and I take him out every day to do stuff but I'm worried what will happen when I'm not there. I suspect I'm worrying about nothing and I can only control what I do with him. Just feels like yet more pressure I can do without. The whole world has gone crazy but I feel like this split will make both of our lives better and we both live for my son so hopefully he will be fine too. Happy weekend Benítez lovers. I feel better for having shared

Good luck mate Try and stay strong for your son.

 

[witchdoc187]

Doing the right thing is often harder than the alternative, so you’ve done the tough bit. I saw your post about your son having the same issues as you had growing up - The very fact you’re thinking along those lines virtually ensures that won’t happen. Best of luck with everything.

Thank you. That's what I'm hoping.

 

[witchdoc187]

Good luck mate Try and stay strong for your son.

That's the plan. Thank you

 

[witchdoc187]

Sounds like a really tough situation mate. But you seem to be thinking about it carefully and looking for the best for everyone, especially your son. Good luck.

It doesn't feel as tough as i feel it should. Went for a swim at sunset today which definitely helped.

 

[witchdoc187]

So dropped my son off today to his new house. Unfortunately yesterday he got stung on the ear 4 times by a wasp. We went to two birthday parties and he had fever and was crying loads so left both early without cake. Awful timing really as it broke my heart even though he was crying over something different . He then video called me and seeing the tears roll down his face broke me. I went to the pub and just broke down. He will be fine. We all will but I'm a great believer you should never split the family unit. Regrettably it takes both of you to think the same.

 

[Earwigjoe]

@witchdoc187 - I'm sorry to hear about your marriage, your family and your dreams of living in the sun together coming unstuck mate. Im especially sorry for your son whose life has been turned upside down by his parents arguing. Im sure seeing your son crying tonight ripped you and im sure your wife has seen him crying too if hes living with her, maybe hes seen her crying and thats why he was so upset.I wouldn't confess to know the first thing at all about your marriage mate but obviously its not just about a difference of opinion on conspiracy theories theres many things us and them will never agree on - which is healthy - one being the passion and devotion we have for Efc - life would be boring if we all agreed on everything and yous did agree to get married, have a family, and move to the sun - so you do agree on many things and have the same dreams - and as you said you both live for your son you both made together. I really hope yous can work through your problems and hopefully its only a hiccup along the way. Too many people today own their kids tears because they're to ready to throw everything away these days because they're bored and want more - when theres nothing more wonderful or fulfilling like you said earlier than a family - especially to a child. Whatever happens i hope you are all happy and never give up mate somethings in life are worth fighting for.

 

[Spotty]

Unfortunately have to say this

Hand in hand with that is having to accept you may need plenty of first steps

Because tough thing is you may have to pick yourself up off the floor more than once. I know myself how I have been at the very lowest. barely leaving the house for weeks barely feeling human. Eventually manage to take those steps and get in a good place things going well. Only for it all come crashing down again due to one reason or another. A bad event can particularly just knock over all the progres you've made and you feel like you regress

It's true though once you've picked yourself off the floor once you know that you can do it again. Just have to be prepared for how horrible this disease is and how much strength it takes to live with it

Unfortunately have to say this

Hand in hand with that is having to accept you may need plenty of first steps

Because tough thing is you may have to pick yourself up off the floor more than once. I know myself how I have been at the very lowest. barely leaving the house for weeks barely feeling human. Eventually manage to take those steps and get in a good place things going well. Only for it all come crashing down again due to one reason or another. A bad event can particularly just knock over all the progres you've made and you feel like you regress

It's true though once you've picked yourself off the floor once you know that you can do it again. Just have to be prepared for how horrible this disease is and how much strength it takes to live with it

" having to accept you may need plenty of first steps" this Moyes 100%. First step is finding the motivation. I've told my students numerous occasions, one of the first signs of people deteriorating mentally is poor hygiene.That person is usually well presented, teeth clean hair brushed. However, you see them now, they look a mess, etc. They've lost motivation lost interest in the things that they used to make them happy. Psychiatry has a fancy word for it. Anhedonia. All of the above are sure signs not of laziness as some think. But that mentally they are deteriorating. I tell my students it should ring alarm bells. So of course, yes the excercise is very beneficial but only when people are ready. Incidentally flick it around and you visit someone and the hair is brushed, they've been showered etc I suspect Moyes is talking about supporting people as fist steps to do the basics. I recall a client agreeing to a three lined care plan. I paraphrase:
I will talk to people if struggling
I will clean my teeth when I get up
I will have a wash when I get up.

She literally couldn't do anything else, no motivation. We sometimes - I certainly include myself - can overcomplicate things when it's the most basic task like encouraging loved ones to talk, to help them stay clean, are the most personal way of telling and showing a loved one we care and love them. Not much to us, but I guarantee when they start to recover they'll say to you at some point: " you know I remember when I was at rock bottom, and you came around, ran my bath and got me into clean clothes I'll never forget the help you gave me". Gives you that warm glow that makes YOU feel good.

 

[David09]

So dropped my son off today to his new house. Unfortunately yesterday he got stung on the ear 4 times by a wasp. We went to two birthday parties and he had fever and was crying loads so left both early without cake. Awful timing really as it broke my heart even though he was crying over something different . He then video called me and seeing the tears roll down his face broke me. I went to the pub and just broke down. He will be fine. We all will but I'm a great believer you should never split the family unit. Regrettably it takes both of you to think the same.

I stayed and stayed in my marriage even though I knew it was finished.
There will be lots of tears from you all. Your son will be happier in the long run though if you and his mum are smiling and possibly friends.
Keep on swimming . It will clear your head.
Also watch the booze. I'm ok if I chill with a couple, but more than that and honestly the beer is like a depressant and I can't get out of bed.
It broke my heart breaking my family up but my daughter is happier now than ever but me and her are distant. That's my fault though. She hasn't really wanted to spend time with me as I buried my head whilst her mum got back on her feet.

 

[witchdoc187]

I stayed and stayed in my marriage even though I knew it was finished.
There will be lots of tears from you all. Your son will be happier in the long run though if you and his mum are smiling and possibly friends.
Keep on swimming . It will clear your head.
Also watch the booze. I'm ok if I chill with a couple, but more than that and honestly the beer is like a depressant and I can't get out of bed.
It broke my heart breaking my family up but my daughter is happier now than ever but me and her are distant. That's my fault though. She hasn't really wanted to spend time with me as I buried my head whilst her mum got back on her feet.

He stayed with me tonight. Was crying for his mum for ages. Was pretty sad but I still feel good about it in the long run. Went to the shop and bought a load of water balloons and of pistols and let him shoot me in the face all day..I did find him sat in the pantry crying which was pretty heart wrenching.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

He stayed with me tonight. Was crying for his mum for ages. Was pretty sad but I still feel good about it in the long run. Went to the shop and bought a load of water balloons and of pistols and let him shoot me in the face all day..I did find him sat in the pantry crying which was pretty heart wrenching.

It's a huge change for him. He probably feels unsettled and confused about it all. He will take time to get used to the new arrangement and hopefully feel more settled as time passes. Nice idea with the water pistols! You sound like a lovely caring Dad.

 

[witchdoc187]

It's a huge change for him. He probably feels unsettled and confused about it all. He will take time to get used to the new arrangement and hopefully feel more settled as time passes. Nice idea with the water pistols! You sound like a lovely caring Dad.

taking one for the team. Great dad cr4p husband

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

taking one for the team. Great dad cr4p husband

A marriage breaking down doesn’t have to mean anyone has failed, mate. And even if what you say IS true, then you’ve chosen the right one to be great at.

Once the little fella gets used to the new arrangements things will feel a million times better, notwithstanding the fact you’ve made a huge rod for your own back with this water pistol to the face business…

 

[Gwladysover]

taking one for the team. Great dad cr4p husband

Be there for him and with time and your love the little lad will settle down. We can only try our best and sometimes marriage doesn’t work out, doesn’t necessarily mean you were a cr4p husband