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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

maccavennie said:
We all make decisions mate, rightly or wrongly and sometimes we can regret them but at the time of making them they make sense.

My dad passed away last August (he left us when I was 11) but growing up, becoming an adult and a father myself I tried time after time to get the relationship to work but it wasn't to be. I didn't attend his funeral, I never got tosay goodbye, never got to say I love him, never got to pull him up over all the pain he caused the family over the years.....but....my conscience is clear with my particular decision and every now and then a song comes on the radio that reminds me of him and I look up and say "hey you daft sod I hope your alright and I still love you".

Sorry mate, probably gone off on one a bit there haven't I. I just wouldn't want you beating yourself up when I reckon you would have made the decision in good faith at the time not to go the funeral or not try and speak to him at that particular time.
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No you didn't go off on one bud. I've made some howlers in my life and had no right to cast judgement on him. Just get days when I reflect and think I failed him. I believe in God, was raised a Catholic and believe I will see my loved ones again but I very very much regret what I didn't do. We all make mistakes yes, but that one remains very fresh dispute the years. Still my bad days are sporadic thankfully.
 
Spotty said:
When my my two boys were born I so wanted my dad to b3 a part of their lives. But the drink killed him and he died young at 53. I was very angry with him. I judged him and had no right to. I wasn't there for him when he was dying, didn't give him a kiss and cuddle and tell him I loved him. I refused / didn't attend his funeral and occasionally I have days when I think of how much of a coward I was. I hate my cowardice and that I wasn't there for him. Painfully day today.
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Mate you've mentioned this a few times. It must really hurt. Our lives are full of regrets, everyone of us have them and if we could have a do over theres so many things we'd all change. If its any comfort mate you say you weren't there for him, and couldnt give him a kiss or cuddle, I only know you through this site- you've been there for so many people in here in hard times, you dont even support Everton but still you've selflessly found the time to lift up so many people on here and put them back on their feet. I pmed you yesterday and regardless of what you were doing within minutes youd jumped in to help- Your Dad and Mum will be so proud of you. You're an amazing person, your kids have a great dad, your wife has a loving and caring husband. Go easy on yourself brother theres no one whos ever lived who hasnt a regret. ?
 
Earwigjoe said:
Mate you've mentioned this a few times. It must really hurt. Our lives are full of regrets, everyone of us have them and if we could have a do over theres so many things we'd all change. If its any comfort mate you say you weren't there for him, and couldnt give him a kiss or cuddle, I only know you through this site- you've been there for so many people in here in hard times, you dont even support Everton but still you've selflessly found the time to lift up so many people on here and put them back on their feet. I pmed you yesterday and regardless of what you were doing within minutes youd jumped in to help- Your Dad and Mum will be so proud of you. You're an amazing person, your kids have a great dad, your wife has a loving and caring husband. Go easy on yourself brother theres no one whos ever lived who hasnt a regret. ?
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Didn't realize I'd mentioned it before Earwig. Anyway I'm fine it's just I get times when it comes into my thoughts and stays for a few hours. Been busy and thats when I ruminate usually sitting in a dark room just staring at a candle. Odd I know but it works for me. Symbolic I suppose, a flickering light piercing the darkness. Anyway there you are and the replies on here are what I expected. Said it so many times on here, knowing there's someone out there who just cares helps doesn't it. Nice one people, cheers.
 
Spotty said:
No you didn't go off on one bud. I've made some howlers in my life and had no right to cast judgement on him. Just get days when I reflect and think I failed him. I believe in God, was raised a Catholic and believe I will see my loved ones again but I very very much regret what I didn't do. We all make mistakes yes, but that one remains very fresh dispute the years. Still my bad days are sporadic thankfully.
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I believe I’m a lot older than you, and one of the odd things as you get older the mistakes you made , regrets you have from the past pop more and more into your head . You easily forget all the good things you’ve done, the happiness you’ve created , it seems that only others recognise those things while we continue to beat ourselves up about our past mistakes. If a new “ mistake/ regret” pops into my head I make an apology to whomever was concerned and make my peace. It works for me.
 
Spotty said:
Didn't realize I'd mentioned it before Earwig. Anyway I'm fine it's just I get times when it comes into my thoughts and stays for a few hours. Been busy and thats when I ruminate usually sitting in a dark room just staring at a candle. Odd I know but it works for me. Symbolic I suppose, a flickering light piercing the darkness. Anyway there you are and the replies on here are what I expected. Said it so many times on here, knowing there's someone out there who just cares helps doesn't it. Nice one people, cheers.
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Regrets make us humble too Spotty , they remind us that we're not as strong as we desire to be or thought we already were. If you're still struggling with the regret - Without getting too religous You're Catholic like me remember St. Peters. St Paul's and St Augustines regrets. Everyone of them grew out of their regrets and became better, stronger people - much like you've done since your dads passing. If you still cant forgive yourself mate I mentioned before talk to a good priest, a Traditional 1 if you can - an FSSP or ICKSP who'll listen and advise.Youre a top, top man, dont be so hard on yourself buddy.
 

Woolverhampton_Blue said:
I haven’t mate. Will have a look into him along with the suggestions Bruce made. Do you like philosophy? It’s certainly got a lot of cross overs with law.
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Law is my bread and butter and it was the philosophy of it that got me into it. Loved my Jurisprudence classes.

As I get older and reflect it all becomes clearer to me. Treat people right, try your best to help others and if you need a hand up someone will be there. Good people are always there when you need them.
 
Spotty said:
When my my two boys were born I so wanted my dad to b3 a part of their lives. But the drink killed him and he died young at 53. I was very angry with him. I judged him and had no right to. I wasn't there for him when he was dying, didn't give him a kiss and cuddle and tell him I loved him. I refused / didn't attend his funeral and occasionally I have days when I think of how much of a coward I was. I hate my cowardice and that I wasn't there for him. Painfully day today.
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Spotty, never ever call yourself a coward. You my man are an Angel on here, God sent to help troubled people and this site is blessed for your contribution.

You are carrying a burden you don’t need to mate. Every father wants the best for their kids and you make us as proud as he is if you x
 
Armaghtoffee said:
Law is my bread and butter and it was the philosophy of it that got me into it. Loved my Jurisprudence classes.

As I get older and reflect it all becomes clearer to me. Treat people right, try your best to help others and if you need a hand up someone will be there. Good people are always there when you need them.
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What sort of law did / do you practice? I would have loved to become a family law solicitor but the path was too laborious by the time I discovered that field.
 

Spotty said:
When my my two boys were born I so wanted my dad to b3 a part of their lives. But the drink killed him and he died young at 53. I was very angry with him. I judged him and had no right to. I wasn't there for him when he was dying, didn't give him a kiss and cuddle and tell him I loved him. I refused / didn't attend his funeral and occasionally I have days when I think of how much of a coward I was. I hate my cowardice and that I wasn't there for him. Painfully day today.
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You aren’t a coward at all. Try and forgive yourself mate. I of course know nothing about your father’s personality but you do - would he have wanted you to suffer any guilt or shame? I imagine he wouldn’t.
 
Woolverhampton_Blue said:
What sort of law did / do you practice? I would have loved to become a family law solicitor but the path was too laborious by the time I discovered that field.
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Always intended being the ‘People’s lawyer’. My final dissertation was on community rights in NI (emphasis on Orange order parades in ‘host’ communities’)

Accepted my calling to the Bar, worked largely criminal but now about 90% employment law.

Not really what I intended and I know it but I’m positive about it, I trained for it etc and can’t complain ?
 
Armaghtoffee said:
Always intended being the ‘People’s lawyer’. My final dissertation was on community rights in NI (emphasis on Orange order parades in ‘host’ communities’)

Accepted my calling to the Bar, worked largely criminal but now about 90% employment law.

Not really what I intended and I know it but I’m positive about it, I trained for it etc and can’t complain ?
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Haha an Atticus Finch! That sounds very heavy although I imagine it’s a topic close to your heart.

Well at least you didn’t end up in conveyancing. You’re a Barrister! I’m very impressed. I remember when the Solicitor I worked under had to instruct counsel for whatever reason - they used to sometimes get a brief and the bundles late in the evening but could go out and bat the next morning. Incredible.
 
Bruce Wayne said:
Realise this is "Dr Google" territory, but has anyone else had a period where they find they wake up at silly o'clock? For the past few weeks I've been getting up at around 4.30 every day, which is a good hour/hour and a half earlier than normal. Weirdly I don't feel particularly tired as a result.
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JLW said:
I've been doing this for the past few months no matter what time i go to sleep, its always between 4-5am. I actually haven't set my alarm for months for work (Start at 7am) because i know i will be awake.
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Same with me. I have been waking up between 4:30-5 and I also have been fortunate about no feeling tired even on the weekends when I go to bed late and I still wake up early :Blink:
 

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