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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Lobster Johnson said:
I've just tried to explain it to her, but I think she's still too angry to engage with it. As far as reminders, I had one on my phone for her birthday... the day after her birthday ?

I just feel so incredibly stupid. I've no idea why she stays with me.
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On thing you are NOT is stupid, just someone who is having a hard time coping at the moment. I really hope after your wife has had time to calm down and think she will be able talk things over.
 
Gwladysover said:
On thing you are NOT is stupid, just someone who is having a hard time coping at the moment. I really hope after your wife has had time to calm down and think she will be able talk things over.
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Thanks for that, I also wanted to point out that I'm not the victim in this situation. I don't view myself as being wronged, she's fully in her rights to be angry, disappointed and frustrated with me. She's put up with so much of this stuff from me over the time we've been together and I have no idea why she keeps on doing it.
 
Lobster Johnson said:
Thanks for that, I also wanted to point out that I'm not the victim in this situation. I don't view myself as being wronged, she's fully in her rights to be angry, disappointed and frustrated with me. She's put up with so much of this stuff from me over the time we've been together and I have no idea why she keeps on doing it.
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I realise you are not the victim and sorry if my posts implied I thought you were. ?
 
Gwladysover said:
@davids is absolutely right, talk to your wife, explain your feelings, your situation at work etc. On a practical level to deal with remembering birthdays, dealing with bills and suchlike set up reminders on your phone - I use lists and post-it notes because I’m old lol. All the best.?
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Good advice which I was going to offer to Lobster Johnson, a simple note book to put down the important things he has to do, keep it handy, even let his wife see it so she can see he is at least making an effort.
 
Lobster Johnson said:
Been reading this for a long time, but never felt the need to post until today. I know my problems aren't as large as some on here but I really feel at the end of my rope this week.

I just seem to keep making problems for myself and letting my wife down in totally avoidable ways. I've had some stress with work over the last couple of months (in fact I started a completely new career at the end of last year so a lot of learning on the job and doing extra) and I just feel all at sea. I got the day of her birthday wrong at the start of the month (thought it was sunday, was in fact saturday) which is never good and I've made a few messes with admin (not paying stuff on time) that have cost us a few hundred quid.

I had a mate visiting last night who lives abroad now and I hadn't seen in person in like 10 years. We were supposed to meet her but then he wanted to go to this place and see that thing and have one more beer and I lost track of time and kept her waiting for over an hour.

I don't know why I keep making these messes and I hate letting her down and hurting her. It's even small stuff that my head is too busy to process (locking doors, turning lights out). It's just hit me this morning when she called me a loser and said she'd had enough of living with a child that I must be hell to live with. My brain is always in 4 different places, I can never focus on anything for more than a minute etc etc.

I really feel like I'm losing the most important person in my life and I keep on making stupid mistakes that contribute to it. When I try hard to fix one error, it just takes focus away from the other 3 problems that are looming and I end up making it worse. I feel like I've spent my whole life chasing my tail and getting nowhere.

Sorry for the wall of text. I'm just feeling in a really bad place and don't know who to talk to.
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Probably completely way off, but has this always been the case with you? Sounds a bit ADHD-y
 

Gwladysover said:
I realise you are not the victim and sorry if my posts implied I thought you were. ?
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No, no mate, nothing like that. I just wanted to be clear that I'm not trying to say my issues mean it's ok to shamble through life like I have been.

I'm basically hiding in my own home writing this, fearing every noise from downstairs :blush:
 
Lobster Johnson said:
Yeah, i've always had these issues. Somebody else kindly PM'd me about that earlier. I've long suspected I have ADHD or something similar, but I've never really taken serious steps to get to the bottom of it. I think now's the time.
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Mhm, it sounded familiar to my last gf who had it. I've also had 2 friends recently go get themselves diagnosed for it - we've long suspected but now they know.
 
Lobster Johnson said:
Yeah, i've always had these issues. Somebody else kindly PM'd me about that earlier. I've long suspected I have ADHD or something similar, but I've never really taken serious steps to get to the bottom of it. I think now's the time.
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I think trying to get to the root cause of the issues you’ve been having would be a really positive step. Your explanation of the problem, however sincere, is probably just words as far as your wife is concerned. Showing her you’re seeking help and therefore a way to tangibly change things will hopefully make a big difference.

That’s not to say that you’re in the wrong. Just one of those frustrating scenarios where circumstances have conspired against you.

Best of luck with it all.
 

Hey guys, just a quick update.

Managed to get my wife to have a decent conversation with me. Went full mea culpa but tried to outline how my head has been the last few months. Also explained that I was going to the doctor about it today. She said that it would explain a lot of the stuff she's been on me about for a while now (generally not taking care of myself, working too hard, doing out of character stuff I hadn't noticed myself) was, all told, pretty understanding but understandably pissed off and hurt by what I'd done: so that wasn't as bad as I feared.

Doctor this morning I was pretty stern on what I wanted from him and walked out of there with a referral letter for a consultant psychologist for assessment for ADHD/ various other stuff.

All told, pretty good 12 hours.

Once again, big thanks to everybody whos taken the time to read and to everyone who offered their advice. You're all fantastic.
 

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