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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

PaulieMc said:
I actually floated the idea to her Thursday night of coming with me to play pool after work (I was going anyway to meet up with a mate and she lives nearby the place). She said no (after telling me she had no other plans for the night) so I took that in the moment as a clear sign she's not interested .

My mate who I've told about her and the situation laughed and said I should have just asked her out outright for a drink because it probably come across a bit cringey and not in a way that will have let her know I'm interested. I not sure to be honest, I felt she was basically knocking me back but in a gentle way but as you can tell from my posts I'm terrible for over-analysing situations and mis-reading people in general.

I not seen her since, back in together on Sunday and I'll see how it is between us but I'm expecting it to be business as normal. I'm now not sure whether or not to write it off completely, I don't want to feel stressed out over it anymore but equally I am still interested, just not definitely sure how realistic it is.

If there are any gals reading this thread, please help a fellow blue lol. Was that a gentle rejection or just a poor effort met with an automatic, confused reaction?
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You've done the hard part Paulie by breaking the ice so to speak. You should see that as a positive step for sure. Don't even think about it now until Sunday or you'll just over-analyse and get yourself edgy. Go into work Sunday and if it feels right just be yourself and ask her if she'd like to go out for a drink or a meal or whatever you have in mind. My guess is she's just waiting to be asked. She may have been a little on the shy side herself when you asked her to pool and she likely thought it was with a group of lads being a male-oriented game. Good luck if you decide to ask her again - you obviously really think a lot of her so what's to lose?
 
PaulieMc said:
Haha. Maybe mate but it wasn't just about the playing of pool, it was me asking her to spend time with me outside of work and it was met with a "oh well I'm tired and I think I'll just go home, I'll let you know" and then her not mentioning it again and meet not pushing the issue admittedly.

I'm hopeless with women as you can tell but I read that as a sign she's probably not up anything, least not with me. Who knows, maybe it came across badly wrongly and she has no idea I was basically (or at least attempting) asking her out in a casual way but I guess I'll have to wait and see.
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Wimmin do play this game (with our realising) that they sometimes do want you to show an interest, and push the matter.
Feint heart never won fair lady.
 
Was told there was a 6 month waiting list for a counsellor but ended up seeing him this week (only about 3-4 week wait). Didn't get a phone call or letter - just a reminder text the day before. Oh well.

Wasn't too bad, just some weird/uncomfortable questions but thats expected. See him again in 3 weeks.
 
PaulieMc said:
See what you're saying mate, maybe I did have a chance and have blown it now with a such a poor attempt haha. The exact conversation was this;

Me: "What are you doing later?
Her: "Nothing I think, just going to go home. What about you?
Me: "I'm meeting my mate for a game of pool and a drink, it's that (so-and-so) place.
Her: "Oh are you? Well it's good for some isn't it?"

She takes a phonecall, I stay and stand there like a lemon waiting for her to finish.

Me: "Come with me, it will be a laugh and it's by your place isn't it? Better than sitting in."
Her: "What, just me with you and your mate? Imagine it."
Me: "Nah we'll have a laugh and because it's by your flat so you'll be able to go whenever you feel like."
Her: "That's true isn't it? I'm tired though and will probably just go home, I'll let you know."
Me: "Sound, it's up to you."

She goes back to what she's doing, it feels slightly awkward so I leave to get back to work as well. Not mentioned again the rest of the night and I decided not to bring it up again.

Told my mate this and he was like "Lad, you've not made it clear to her you're interested. She probably just felt confused and said no cause it felt awkward. Now you're agreeing with that.

I should go on Take Me Out and have Paddy McGuinness help me out.
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What she didn't want was a night with you and your mate! She wanted to hear that you wanted to have a date with her. It's no crime!
 
DanEFC92 said:
Was told there was a 6 month waiting list for a counsellor but ended up seeing him this week (only about 3-4 week wait). Didn't get a phone call or letter - just a reminder text the day before. Oh well.

Wasn't too bad, just some weird/uncomfortable questions but thats expected. See him again in 3 weeks.
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It's hard mate, very hard when you first talk to a counsellor. Things you've bottled up and been dying to pour out to someone, anyone, who'd be willing listen and genuinely care but when the opportunity comes you clam up, reluctant to talk to a stranger and fearful of exposing your inner-most thoughts and feelings. Least that way my experience, it took a few weeks before I was willing to let myself be cracked open and find what's inside.

I discovered so much about myself through talking to one, she was a lovely lady. I realised why I am the way I am, how certain events that happened to me earlier in life beyond my control had a serious effect on shaping the type of person I've grown to be and why I suffer from the certain things I do (low-confidence, internalising so much, being so sensitive to others' actions and words). Hopefully you can break the ice and let everything out that you want to let out. I cried like a baby a few times as I revisited certain uncomfortable memories. I feel I'm a much better person because of it though (aside from my woman troubles haha).
 

chrismpw said:
What she didn't want was a night with you and your mate! She wanted to hear that you wanted to have a date with her. It's no crime!
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I'll give it a go mate, you lot have talked me around and I thank you. You're right, I have nothing to lose really except feeling a bit of an arse in the moment but that will pass.

Knowing my luck though I will go to ask her but find her necking that other lad who I see as a rival for her affections. lol
 
PaulieMc said:
I'll give it a go mate, you lot have talked me around and I thank you. You're right, I have nothing to lose really except feeling a bit of an arse in the moment but that will pass.

Knowing my luck though I will go to ask her but find her necking that other lad who I see as a rival for her affections. lol
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Haha, better to ask her and know if she's keen or not rather than stewing on it and never knowing.

Easier said than done though as i remember how many times i bottled it in the same situation as you.

Good luck mate.
 
PaulieMc said:
See what you're saying mate, maybe I did have a chance and have blown it now with a such a poor attempt haha. The exact conversation was this;

Me: "What are you doing later?
Her: "Nothing I think, just going to go home. What about you?
Me: "I'm meeting my mate for a game of pool and a drink, it's that (so-and-so) place.
Her: "Oh are you? Well it's good for some isn't it?"

She takes a phonecall, I stay and stand there like a lemon waiting for her to finish.

Me: "Come with me, it will be a laugh and it's by your place isn't it? Better than sitting in."
Her: "What, just me with you and your mate? Imagine it."
Me: "Nah we'll have a laugh and because it's by your flat so you'll be able to go whenever you feel like."
Her: "That's true isn't it? I'm tired though and will probably just go home, I'll let you know."
Me: "Sound, it's up to you."

She goes back to what she's doing, it feels slightly awkward so I leave to get back to work as well. Not mentioned again the rest of the night and I decided not to bring it up again.

Told my mate this and he was like "Lad, you've not made it clear to her you're interested. She probably just felt confused and said no cause it felt awkward. Now you're agreeing with that.

I should go on Take Me Out and have Paddy McGuinness help me out.
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She may have thought Oh God I'm not going out straight after work. I'm not ready- hair, clothes, make up without actually thinking that you were asking her out. It might sound stupid but it does matter to us. Give her a bit of notice next time.
 
anjelikaferrett said:
She may have thought Oh God I'm not going out straight after work. I'm not ready- hair, clothes, make up without actually thinking that you were asking her out. It might sound stupid but it does matter to us. Give her a bit of notice next time.
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Also with one of your friends there might have made it uncomfortable.

Show her you're serious, take her out for a meal or a drink by herself :)
 
DanEFC92 said:
Was told there was a 6 month waiting list for a counsellor but ended up seeing him this week (only about 3-4 week wait). Didn't get a phone call or letter - just a reminder text the day before. Oh well.

Wasn't too bad, just some weird/uncomfortable questions but thats expected. See him again in 3 weeks.
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I'm still waiting almost 12 months later.
 


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